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« Please Recap For the Recapper | Main | Our Not Exactly Latest Soap Opera Digest Column »

December 04, 2009

I Spy Revisionist History! And Also Grossness

After reading the comments about a particularly "???!!!???" piece of dialogue on yesterday's General Hospital, I knew that I needed to watch the episode immediately, because most lines of dialogue are terrible and baffling, so for something to inspire THAT MUCH confusion must have been epically bad.

Although "epically bad" is even setting the bar a bit too high...

Elizabeth: I know. I know. That's just the thing, and I need you to know that sex is a really weird thing for me. My first experience was so brutal that it shut something down inside of me1. And obviously I've been with other guys, and it's been fine, and I've enjoyed it, but there's a part of me that has always been unavailable, and I rarely initiate sex2, and honestly, I would be more than happy to never have it again. Until now. Nikolas awakened that part of me3, and he brought it to life4. And I know this is so crazy that we're talking about this right here, because it's Nikolas, and he's my oldest and dearest friend, and he's my fiancé's brother and Emily's husband, and I know that I shouldn't be doing this...I'm so consumed by him. I can't stop thinking about him, about his touch, the way he kisses me5, and I pray--I pray every day that I will wake up and this will all just go away, because I just wanna be able to look at Nikolas and not wanna feel him6.

1I would, of course, like to tell the GH writing staff that rape is not a sexual experience. I don't expect this lesson to take, since their views on women, sex and violence are...in lieu of a thousand word screed, I will just say that their views on women, sex and violence are "skewed". That's a shorter way to put it, and also less likely to make me cry angry tears about the fact that Bob Guza still has his job.

And then I'd also ask them, politely, to refrain from referring to excellent storylines of GH past, because while they see it as "drawing upon the show's history" and "employing continuity for the first time ever", I see it as "tainting things that were good with the strain of vileness that seeps through everything they do".

2REALLY? So we're just going to pretend that the entire Jason and Liz story never happened? The writers do know that we remember things that have happened in the past, right? And that if we don't, there are thousands of YouTube videos devoted to the show with clips of what happened. Hell, there are probably thousands of YouTube videos devoted to the Jason and Liz story that will disprove the claim that Liz rarely initiates sex.

3 Ew.

4Did she really just say that NIKOLAS is the most amazing lover she ever has? I don't want to start theorizing about the sex skills of fictional characters because that's just too creepy, so I will just ask this: did a character on Bob Guza's General Hospital just state that the most amazing lover she ever had was someone other than Jason?! I thought Jason was supposed to be the best at everything. I guess [dirty comment about Jason's gun and "gun" redacted].

5 I know that this is childish of me, but I cannot stop saying "EW!" I find the two of them repulsive together. I do my best to avoid scenes of them together by conveniently having to run out of the room and do something important when they come on ("Oh, I should go run outside and see if I left my car lights on at 3 in the afternoon!"), so I certainly don't want to hear about their touching and kissing.

6 FYI, this is the face of a woman who can't stop...um, wanting to feel Nikolas whenever they are together:



It only LOOKS like barely concealed hatred and a valiant attempt not to projectile vomit. It's REALLY uncontrollable desire.


Thank you! And I'm so happy I gave up this show and your recaps continue to confirm my sound judgement.

The only thing that takes the pain away was Kate's hair. :[

That was just... highly disturbing. Like, I don't even have to watch the actual scenes to want to vomit. Just reading them is enough. Also, I distinctly remember Elizabeth at some point telling Lucky (either back in 1999 or at their 2005 wedding) that he "brought her back to life." Not Nikolas. Lucky. Also, wasn't Elizabeth the one who "initiated" sex back in 1999 when she and Lucky almost made love in New York?

Oh, that's right, this is Lucky we're talking about, so clearly he can't be shown in a positive light. And here people thought he was going to get more respect now that JJ was back.

Not to mention Hillary I distinctly remember Elizabeth talking about "getting creative" with Lucky during the surrogacy storyline. And while Lucky has gotten better about it over the years...it is her who has to iniate with him.

And she did iniate with Zander. And we did just spend two years watching her BEG to be Jason's booty call. And iniate just about everything with him.

Tyler Christopher kept insisting in his interviews that soon we would all see and understand why these two couldn't stay away from each other. Dear Tlyer...still waiting for an explanation that makes sense on planet Earth. If we could get that...It would be good.

Yup...totally glad the days of rewritting LL2 history and being completely dismissive of Lucky for no real reason other than he's in competition with another male on the show are OVER now that Jon is back. Completely.

Mala Bhattajharee at SOW summed it up for me so well yesterday..."There are not enough words for the WTH??"

OMG, just...OMG...

I need a shower just reading that dialogue. This show is... is... is... OMG, I'm so traumatized there aren't any WORDS.

AND then the show had the nerve to make Rebecca beg for sex and strip in front of The Man Who Flicks Liz's Bic. Did Natalia Livingston kick Bob Guza's puppy, or something? I'm glad she's leaving this ish.

And by the way, could Tyler Christopher LOOK more bored and detached in his scenes? His boring ass is the one who's milkshake is bringing all the girls to the yard???

I HATE the idiots in charge at GH. Seems they can't write for any woman on the show unless they try to first turne her into some whorish type!

Liz is no whore/slut and it pisses me off that the idiot writers at GH think that ANY fan of hers would enjoy this hot mess they've done to her character!

Get Liz away from BOTH Doofus brothers! FAST

I weep.

In between the vomiting.

The entire scene was one millennium sized WTF?!

I am so sickened by the destruction of Liz's character and her vomit-inducing affair with Nikolas. I would like to threaten to stop watching AGAIN, but JJ and James Franco make that impossible :(

The whole thing is disgusting. And TIIC are destroying Liz (and I don't think this crap is helping Nik much either), and I'm suppose to root for one of these pairings? Right now the only thing I'm rooting for is intensive therapy for the writers. I'm tired of them trying to work their own issues through the characters.

I refuse to hate Liz. I know that it must drive the writers crazy, but I refuse to...Nik on the other hand? I'll hate him into infinity.

The concept of anyone desiring Nikolas's greasy ass is too much for my temporary suspension of disbelief to bear.

The bullshit that flew out of Liz's mouth......

I just....*sigh*

I hate this show.

Now I didn't see the show but another board I belong to they were not only mad at the revisionist history but were also mad at the fact that Robin seemed to be okay with Liz being a floozie between two brothers. Thinking something like this is okay is not on par with who Robin is AT ALL. I was a Liason supporter so reading this crap pisses me off. Yeah, still no reason for me to turn it back on.

Retconning aside, Nik and Liz don't have near enough chemisty to make me believe that he awakened something in her. Their gross together.

Nikolas certainly awakened something in me....my gag and vomit reflex.

But I don't think that is what the show had in mind......

Liz doesn't initiate sex?? So two children with two different fathers, neither of whom are the man she's engaged to, OR the man she's banging, means that she doesn't initiate, but if someone asks, well then what the hell, she drops her drawers? How else can you explain THAT?? Wait, am I using logic again? Dammit. I have to stop that.

The mere idea that any human being with a vagina could actually LUST for Nikolas is beyond my ability for rationale thought. He carries one vapid facial expression, constantly looks off into space with eye-rolling and mouth hanging open when dialogue is being directed at him and is more "squishy" looking than the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Yeah, lemme get me summa dat.

To top it off, GH has made the biggest coo in the history of daytime with James Franco, and in the past two days, we have seen a total of 12 seconds of him which consisted of shooting paint balls at pictures of the cast (not that I can't feel his need to do that - me too, sweetie, me too.)

I haven't watched today, but there damn well better be some Franco hotness because I can't take any more Olivia/Johnny/Sonny shit scenes, and me, who used to be lover of all things Spinelli, can't take anymore of him either.

Did anyone else have nightmares wondering what Maxie whispered to Spinelli to "go get" from their bedroom?? EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I envision something from Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.

That was just heinous on soooo many levels. It makes my head hurt just trying to find the words to elaborate more. For the sake of my sanity, I won't even try....

Nicholas reminds me of Henry VIII he's totally gross and nasty.

Nicholas reminds me of Henry VIII he's totally gross and nasty.

Thank you so much for your brilliant rundown on this crap..Everything Liz said was a big WTH? Full of lies and someones agenda... The writers are writing her so OOC and then think we will buy what they are spewing...They need a new HW and a new team of writers because GH is sucking the life out of all their stories!
When will this madness end?!

That was all too funny. The thought that although she begged like a bitch in heat to be Jason's booty call, she really could have done without actually having sex with him is the BEST Point and Laugh material in a long time. So much for their great connection.

I agree with Tabby...let's talk about how awesome Kate Howard is!!!

So we're supposed to forget that Liz is the most sexually active woman on General Hospital. WTF!

So we're supposed to forget that Liz is the most sexually active woman on General Hospital. WTF!

I liked this post from Mary Beth the best:

I weep

In between the vomiting.


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