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« Please Recap For the Recapper | Main | Our Not Exactly Latest Soap Opera Digest Column »

December 04, 2009

I Spy Revisionist History! And Also Grossness

After reading the comments about a particularly "???!!!???" piece of dialogue on yesterday's General Hospital, I knew that I needed to watch the episode immediately, because most lines of dialogue are terrible and baffling, so for something to inspire THAT MUCH confusion must have been epically bad.

Although "epically bad" is even setting the bar a bit too high...

Elizabeth: I know. I know. That's just the thing, and I need you to know that sex is a really weird thing for me. My first experience was so brutal that it shut something down inside of me1. And obviously I've been with other guys, and it's been fine, and I've enjoyed it, but there's a part of me that has always been unavailable, and I rarely initiate sex2, and honestly, I would be more than happy to never have it again. Until now. Nikolas awakened that part of me3, and he brought it to life4. And I know this is so crazy that we're talking about this right here, because it's Nikolas, and he's my oldest and dearest friend, and he's my fiancé's brother and Emily's husband, and I know that I shouldn't be doing this...I'm so consumed by him. I can't stop thinking about him, about his touch, the way he kisses me5, and I pray--I pray every day that I will wake up and this will all just go away, because I just wanna be able to look at Nikolas and not wanna feel him6.

1I would, of course, like to tell the GH writing staff that rape is not a sexual experience. I don't expect this lesson to take, since their views on women, sex and violence are...in lieu of a thousand word screed, I will just say that their views on women, sex and violence are "skewed". That's a shorter way to put it, and also less likely to make me cry angry tears about the fact that Bob Guza still has his job.

And then I'd also ask them, politely, to refrain from referring to excellent storylines of GH past, because while they see it as "drawing upon the show's history" and "employing continuity for the first time ever", I see it as "tainting things that were good with the strain of vileness that seeps through everything they do".

2REALLY? So we're just going to pretend that the entire Jason and Liz story never happened? The writers do know that we remember things that have happened in the past, right? And that if we don't, there are thousands of YouTube videos devoted to the show with clips of what happened. Hell, there are probably thousands of YouTube videos devoted to the Jason and Liz story that will disprove the claim that Liz rarely initiates sex.

3 Ew.

4Did she really just say that NIKOLAS is the most amazing lover she ever has? I don't want to start theorizing about the sex skills of fictional characters because that's just too creepy, so I will just ask this: did a character on Bob Guza's General Hospital just state that the most amazing lover she ever had was someone other than Jason?! I thought Jason was supposed to be the best at everything. I guess [dirty comment about Jason's gun and "gun" redacted].

5 I know that this is childish of me, but I cannot stop saying "EW!" I find the two of them repulsive together. I do my best to avoid scenes of them together by conveniently having to run out of the room and do something important when they come on ("Oh, I should go run outside and see if I left my car lights on at 3 in the afternoon!"), so I certainly don't want to hear about their touching and kissing.

6 FYI, this is the face of a woman who can't stop...um, wanting to feel Nikolas whenever they are together:



It only LOOKS like barely concealed hatred and a valiant attempt not to projectile vomit. It's REALLY uncontrollable desire.


When I read this, all I could think is "those poor, poor Liason fans". I mean, honest to God, they have been shipping on that couple for what, a decade now? And not only are Jason and Liz not together and not going to be together, but now the writers want us to believe that while she was with Jason, she was gritting her teeth and thinking of England.

This might not be so preposterous if YouTube wasn't around, but now anyone can easily see Liz and Lucky (all 14 versions of him), Liz and Zander, Liz and Ric, Liz and Jason, Liz and the paper boy, Liz and the UPS guy.....

I love Niz. I love this storyline. I was a huge LiRic fan and Liason fan and I know that she had great sex with them. But because I love this Niz storyline, I will allow the writers to rewrite history for this storyline. I don't mind since I love it so much.

I just figured it out: Guza is just tyring to mimic the tension from the movie Brothers. Just without the supposed death or war or awesome writing...

I haven't watched regularly for a while (since before the summer) but sometimes catch things on youtube and I come here to get the dirt from your wonderful ladies.

I am forced to believe that perhaps this has something to do with that other Cassadine. . .maybe he's mind controlling them. . .or maybe slipped something into their drink to make them "hot" for each other. . .otherwise this is SOOO wrong in every single way but then again. . .so is just about everything else on this mess.

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