Miss Manners Needs To Make a Comeback
My eyes have (barely) recovered from the plaid coat assault and my hearing is back intact after temporarily striking due to the words spoken during today's General Hospital. Do you know what it says about a show when a primary complaint is that the show causes the senses to stop functioning?! Well, mostly it means that the person doing the complaining is melodramatic and prone to hyperbole, but also that this show is home to more confusing, offensive and poorly written things than one single hour of television has any right to be.
In the interest of fairness, I should admit off the bat that there was a moment today that made me giddy. And no, it wasn't the back-to-boring Rebecca making plans to bid Port Charles farewell; it was even better. It was small, but it brought me such joy.
Elizabeth: Last year, Cameron spent three hours running around this place trying to pick a tree. This year, you and I will pick two or three, and he can make the final selection.
Lucky: Yeah. The best-laid plans.
Elizabeth: Oh, geez. Don't let him see this one.
Lucky: Why not?
Elizabeth: Well, because it's all bare on this side. Don't you remember the tree he picked last year because he felt sorry for it?
Is that not the greatest thing in the universe? Everything about Cameron Webber is delightful, from his adorability on-screen to the fascinating tidbits we learn about him from his parents. It's a nice reminder that there is a shining star who doesn't let the moral cesspool that is this town get him down.
Many other Port Charles residents could learn a lesson from Cam, because their sense of boundaries and common decency is seriously lacking!
Lisa: I get that Robin is still subjected to a whole lot of garbage from ignorant, small-minded people. I'm not judging her. But I can't believe you choose to keep quiet about something so huge in your life.
"I am so shocked, not to mention offended, that you didn't take it upon yourself to immediately notify your college girlfriend about your wife's medical condition! When you date someone in college, it bonds you for life, and you're entitled to know all about them for forever!'
To be fair to Lisa, it's entirely possible that she heard about how Patrick talked about another of his wife's medical conditions to everyone within earshot at the beginning of the year and that she's merely confused about this confidentiality thing starting now.
Patrick: Robin isn't sick, Lisa. We lead a very normal life.
Lisa: Except for the precautions you have to take while having sex, assuming you do have sex, and the baby wasn't born in vitro.
I'm trying to think of what kind of social disorder Lisa has that has led her to believe that interrogating her ex-boyfriend about his sex life and the conception of his child is appropriate. The first that comes to mind is Crazy Cakes, but I'm not sure if that's listed in the DSM-IV.
Lisa then followed that tasteless stunt with a retread of the conversation that she and Robin have had pretty much every time they've spoken to each other.
LISA: I can't believe Patrick settled down!
ROBIN: I know, I'm surprised too, but we're so happy together.
LISA: I mean, Patrick settling down? That's so totally crazy.
LISA: Because Patrick was totally selfish and slutty and a plaaaayer when I knew him.
ROBIN: Yeah, when I met him, too--
LISA: No, like, for real, he was a manwhore when I knew him. Crazy! And now he settled down with you.
I'm a bit sick of the GH writers assuming that we have the same short attention spans and poor memories that they do and therefore need the kind of constant repetition that one would find on Nick Jr.
And is it just me, or is Patrick's wild past not at all wild? Like, ohmigod, when he was in college, he was kind of a jerk. And he drank beer, and had sex! He was a beer-drinking, sex-having jerk! As if that's not the average college experience. It's not like he became addicted to Adderall and spent all of his money on donkey shows or anything.
At least Patrick has reformed from his W!I!L!D! past enough to give Lisa a truly glorious smackdown.
Patrick: ...it's none of your business. Whether I take precautions with my wife when we have sex, and how often we do it, has nothing to do with you. I'm never going to sleep with you again, so it doesn't matter.
Lisa: Ok. I get that I was out of line.
Patrick: Look. I understand that it's a big adjustment. Seeing Robin live with HIV, especially when she was pregnant, is a very enlightening experience. It's made me love her and admire her even more. She handles hiv with grace and dignity and not the slightest bit of self-pity. The adjustments that I have to make for my life to be with Robin, they're worth it.
Like I said, glorious. It was polite, but serious and honest. And how shocking is it that they allowed someone on GH to stand up for his wife?! Amazing.
Less amazing is that after that, Patrick and Lisa ran into each other while looking for a Christmas tree and had a pleasant conversation as though the above had never happened. But it gave us some adorable Patrick/Robin banter, so I guess it's okay.
[No screencap, because I refuse to look at the p***d c**t again!]
Robin: But no, seriously, how do you expect me to decorate this behemoth?
Patrick: That's what you have me for, Shortcakes. You, on my shoulders, will put the star on top.
Robin: Or we can take the small one, and we can plant it in the garden after the holidays.
Patrick: We can mulch the big one and make a vegetable garden for emma, because it's all about her. I want her to have a nice tree that we can decorate. I want it to feel like a fairy tale for her.
Robin: Really? So this is about Emma? That is just playing dirty. Well, I suppose it doesn't matter that, uh--yeah, statistics show that the bigger the tree is, the more likely a toddler is to pull it on top of themselves--
Patrick: No, no, no. You're not--now, that's playing dirty.
Cute, as was Robin's braid.
Quinn Fabray's love of braiding seems to have started a trend. I approve.
You know who else is in need of some serious schooling in terms of manners? Fucking Jason Morgan, that's who!
Franco: Never forget that. Always treat people with respect, especially when they invite you into their home and open up to you. When they allow you to share their dreams and secrets, when they prepare food and drink for you, or at least buy stuff, when all they want is a connection, don't ever treat them like they're something you scraped off the bottom of your shoe.
Okay, Franco is completely crazy and is most likely a serial murderer (which you think would score him points with the people of Port Charles, since it gives them common ground), but he has a point! All Jason had to do was have some damn spinach and artichoke dip! Maybe then Franco wouldn't have been so offended that he went TOTALLY off the deep end (as opposed to his prior state of being mostly off the deep end).
Tagging Ronnie's breathing equipment was a nice touch.
Scott Reeves should look into some sort of arrangement in which he'd never have to appear in the same frame as Jason Thompson.
So, Carly's husband hates Sonny. And Sonny is the reason that her children are always in danger. And Sonny just sucks, basically, on all levels. So of course she invites him over for Christmas.
Carly: I appreciate that. What are you going to do for Christmas?
Sonny: I just--I'll be at my house.
Carly: You're going to be by yourself?
Sonny: Well, I mean--
Carly: Are you kidding me? Why don't you come up here for dinner, if you want?
Sonny: With Jax at the head of the table? That sounds fantastic. Just hide all the knives, and I'll be over in 2 seconds.
The hell? And don't try to charm me with your fantastic hair, Laura Wright. I'm not buying it.
Are we supposed to feel bad that Sonny is spending Christmas alone? "Aww, poor Sonny, he just wants to celebrate the holiday with people he loves, like the woman he's stalking who has a boyfriend and has repeatedly said she wants nothing to do with him!"
Perhaps those scenes wouldn't have annoyed me so if they hadn't followed Sonny, yet again, blaming Jax for everything that is wrong with the world. Jax was wrong in pretty much every possible way to not tell the truth about what happened to Michael, but it's not like people didn't eventually tell Sonny! Ric told Sonny, but the greasy ass didn't listen. Ugh, he is terrible.
Rebecca is on her way to Paris, ending one of the silliest stories of the year that accomplished nothing besides, but did me hate black eyeliner and mourn Emily Quartermaine again. I will probably have more to say after her actual exit, but goodness, how fabulous were the scenes at the Quartermaine mansion?
I LOVE TRACY!
Monica:I'm thinking it will be a wonderful experience for Rebecca. She'll be able to travel. She'll study. And she'll pursue her own interests.
Tracy: Oh, thrilling. Get packing.
Jane Elliot can deliver a line like no other.
Edward: Nikolas. God, I might have known. I will not allow that arrogant, self-centered scoundrel to drive you away.
It is my greatest wish that we get to see Edward begin a vendetta against Nikolas. Edward, the best way to get at him is to steal Alfred away! Nikolas's life would then fall apart, especially since it would mean he'd have to interact with his son.
Um, did anyone else have serious flashbacks to Carrie today?
Liz was about two seconds away from starting an electrical fire with her mind.