Missed Opportunities Ahoy!
I'm not surprised that General Hospital completely missed the boat on being entertaining, because, well, that's what they excel at. It's the only thing they excel at, for that matter. So the fact that Natalia Livingston and Rebecca are being totally fascinating as her time on the show comes to a close is expected but disappointing all the same.
The show could have saved the viewing public a lot of despair, and could have saved Livingston the pain of having to come to terms with the fact that her stint as Rebecca Shaw was universally reviled, if they had just bypassed the whole "she's a scheming evil-doer. No wait, she has a heart! Never mind, we're bored with her", uh, "arc" and just made her COMPLETELY AND HUGELY INSANE from the outset, because I have to tell you, she had me clapping my hands in glee during today's episode. Not literally, but she did have me cracking half a smile, which is a more positive reaction than I usually have to this show!
The Awesome, Part I: Seeing Nikolas and Elizabeth Doing It
Her reaction, equal parts revulsion and "Are you fucking kidding me with this?", was amazing.
The Awesome, Part II: Showing Up At Elizabeth's Door
The mental instability and vindictive streak came out to play as there was a knock on the door as Elizabeth read a story to Jake and Cam (who looked none too pleased at his story being interrupted. I hope that he gets to finish the book about whales!)
And Liz was greeted with a drunken and angry Rebecca
Who refused to leave and sashayed inside to make herself comfortable on the couch with the boys and offered to tell them a story!
Rebecca: I know a story, too. It's about a castle, named Wyndemere, and a prince, named Nikolas, and a witch named...why don't you tell it, Mommy? Why don't you tell the boys what the prince and his sister-in-law did in the turret room tonight?
She was amazing, is what I'm trying to say. I have little to no faith in the writers that they will continue to work with this momentum and the follow-up tomorrow will probably be lame and terrible, and contain too many graphic references to Nikolas's sexual abilities, if there is any follow-up at all, so I will just unreservedly enjoy these few moments now and give NL props on her ability to play craaaaaaazy.
The rest of the show was filled with the lowlights we've come to expect from GH. Like the aforementioned Liz and Nikolas sex, which...I don't even want to remember.
I've decided that in order to protect my own sanity and that of my readers, I am going to replace all mentions of their sexual compatibility (you know, the sexual compatibility that we have yet to see on-screen) with quotes from sitcoms. Like, when Nikolas says something like, "I'm not getting tired of you", I can handily sub in a Kenneth the Page line like, "I'm a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways." So we don't need to think about Nik/Liz sex and we can have a hearty chuckle at Kenneth's genuine hilarity. Win/win!
I also love what a complete douche Nikolas is to his brother. Did I say love? I meant "despise, and hope to see someone kick Nikolas in his greasy face". His scene with Lucky today made me want to claw my face off. But it's okay, because Nikolas has never known anything like this before. Please ignore the fact that he uses this line whenever he decides to bone an inappropriate woman, this time he means it! TRUELUV4EVA!
Does anyone else get the feeling that when Carly and her amazing, beautiful, shiny hair
said that Michael doesn't know right from wrong, that at least half of the seventy people still watching this show spontaneously burst into the Grace Adler "Told You So" song? I am part of that 50%!
And then, blerg, we are being forced to watch Sonny go all out in courting Olivia. And, despite the fact that it defies reason, good taste and her son's safety, Olivia is charmed by him and his lame cooking! They even forced the time-honored pinky swear to be a part of their horrendous flirtation.
These skanks better stay away from rock, paper, scissors or else they will have completely ruined childhood traditions.
In truly jaw-dropping news, Jason was RIGHT that Franco and the Homeless Man are one in the same. The awed look on Sam's face as she came to this realization was hilarious, because of course Jason was right. Why did it take her so long to realize that? Runner up in the hilarious stakes: the notion that Franco dressing like a homeless person is the strangest thing a person can do. YOU LIVE WITH SPINELLI. YOU SEE THE STRANGEST THINGS A PERSON CAN DO ON A DAILY BASIS.