• About Us
  • FAQ
  • Archives
  • Links
  • SOD Columns


  • Serial Drama on Facebook

Subscribe to Serial Drama

  • Add to Google Reader or Homepage

    Subscribe in Bloglines

    Add to My AOL

    Powered by FeedBurner

« This Is A Little Dry... | Main | Criminals and the Criminally Lame »

December 14, 2009

Brought To You By "Every Breath You Take"

I was originally going to title this entry, "Who do I have to kill to get a little romance on this show?", but I knew that the General Hospital writers have an answer to that question (Quartermaines) and I didn't want to encourage the writers to add more bodies to that mausoleum.

Today's GH was incredibly unsettling. And what is, perhaps, most unsettling of all is that the creepiest parts of the show had nothing to do with the show's cold-blooded murderers, but were about love! Or at least the dark, bastardized definition of love that the show has seized upon.

Nikolas, for example, has decided he should take advantage of Rebecca's blackmail and use the opportunity to get with Liz for real. A slightly paraphrased recap of their conversation:

NIKOLAS: So, great news, you know how Rebecca is a con artist and basically unstable? Well, it turns out that she's willing to keep our secret if we hook her up with Lucky. Win/win/win!
ELIZABETH: Why is that...no.
NIKOLAS: If we pair those two dweebs off, we'll have the chance to be together forever, or until I find a new married, engaged or otherwise attached woman to have a connection with.
NIKOLAS: Is this about Lucky? Do you feel guilty?
ELIZABETH: YES, don't you?
NIKOLAS: ...meh.
ELIZABETH: I want to be with Lucky. It's the right thing to do for him, and for my boys...
NIKOLAS: Well, if it's the boys you're worried about, I've got one of those around...somewhere. With Alfred. Or...somewhere.

And then! This is not at all paraphrased:

Nikolas: You do not love him the way you love me.
Elizabeth: Don't tell me how I feel.
Nikolas: I don't have to tell you how you feel, because you already know it's written all over your face every time we're together.

We all know how she feels, because it's written all over her face every time they are together: she feels NAUSEOUS, Nikolas.

Seeing that his plan to convince Liz that she's in love with him wasn't going well, he threw a Hail Mary pass and confessed that he was so in love with her. He even attempted to muster up a lone teardrop! It was incredibly uncomfortable.



But the most uncomfortable moment came later:

Nikolas: Of course I feel guilty, I'm betraying my brother. It's a terrible thing to do, but--

Maybe it's just me, but that sentence shouldn't end with a but!

Nikolas: Just because he loves you doesn't mean I don't get to!

And with that immature tantrum, it became my greatest wish that someone put us all out of our misery by smothering Nikolas with his hideous, oversized coat.


Remember on Friday, how Sonny lured Olivia up to a hotel room on false pretenses to attempt to woo her? That was adorable, wasn't it?

Olivia: This is starting to get a little bit creepy. You're basically stalking me right now.
Sonny: "Stalking" is a harsh term. I like to think of it more as of, uh, you know, the only way I can spend time with you.

How delightful!

Olivia didn't get the hell out of dodge, because she realized that Sonny would just follow her and invade her personal space elsewhere, and was given the third degree about her life and, specifically, her relationship with Johnny, only to have her answers mocked and ridiculed by Sonny because, hello, how can anyone turn down someone who knows nothing about your current life and only wants to talk about the connection they had, back in the day, when Olivia was fifteen.

Newsflash, Sonny, it is modern day, not Bensonhurst in the early 80s. If you're going to woo a woman, at least update your flirting a little...and, for that matter, try not to recycle exact conversations you had with another woman and former love of your life who also had the last name Falconeri! Geez Louise!

Sonny: We still have a connection like we always had, and I'm just trying to figure out why you're trying so hard to fight it.

Yeah, Olivia, why are you making your own decisions about things and not reacting the way Sonny wants you to?

Sonny: The point is, I'm free now.

Ignoring Olivia's rebuttal that she's not free, uh, Sonny? Everybody thinks that your wife is missing, so technically you're not free. You also seem remarkably unconcerned that your newfound freedom is thanks to your son killing your wife with an axe!


The last creepy romance of the day is, of course, Jason and Franco's, which took a dark turn that led Franco down Brooding Lane.


But there was a hilarious who's on first? diversion with Spinelli (who went to Franco's, ostensibly to confront him about Maxie):

Spinelli: He is I...
Franco : Me.
Spinelli: You too?
Franco: No. He is me, not I. You.
Spinelli: Me?
Franco: You what?

Yeah, I laughed out loud, what of it?

I also laughed out loud at Franco's "I wanted Maxie for the same reason I want you" and Spinelli's alarmed look, trying to figure out how that would work.


Franco: Tell Stone Cold to next time show a little respect

I think that Jason should have just had the damn chips and dip, and things wouldn't have taken such a turn for the worse!


Definetly should have taken the chips and dip! Just because you aren't feeling the first date gives you no excuse to be rude! Someone needs to read up on their first date manners!

Nik is just UGH! Total and complete UGH! If he could just imitate Katherine Bell, jump off the parapeit and never ever make a variation of that speech EVER again. Tantrums are better suited to children...not allegedly sophisticated princes.

And i'm starting to be convinced that Spencer isn't with Alfred....Nik ate him.

I have to agree about Nikolas and Elizabeth. They are both the most distasteful characters now I don't care about their alleged "chemistry" which passes me over. When is Nikolas's face going to go anti bloat. And the lone tear was hysterical.

Sonny. Well no words. I can't honestly believe they are trying to sell SOnny and Olivia with exactly the same nonsense they used with Kate. I see no chemisty whatsoever. I don't know what this show is thinking.

And Franco who I don't care for was actually the most entertaining part of today. Sadly I won't get my wish. I doubt he's going to turn Jason gay or kill him off.

I think TC tried to make up for years of sucking with that scene today. I got a tip for you TC you still suck. Pathetic. I wanted Rebecca to break into that discussion batshit crazy and say "Well are you going to do it. Are you giving me Lucky?" to Liz. And I am over all the Sonny romances at this point.When I wish for Sonny and Emily back something has to be wrong with this world.

My fondest wish now is for Franco to compose an emo ode to Jason, record it onto a cassette tape, and then stand down on the ground below the penthouse playing it while holding an old boombox above his head.

It is with such merriment that I distract myself from the awful awful awful . . . awful. . . Niz.

Seriously? Seriously with his whiny bullshit? Yes, Nikolas, it *does* actually mean you don't get to love her, too. Or at least you have to keep it to your own damn self. . . .

I really don't watch the show anymore (and from reading these wonderful entries I can see I'm not missing anything) but Tyler Christopher has really let himself go, hasn't he? I guess he just stopped trying at some point and figured since it was GH he shouldn't bother to start up again.

Thank the lord Emily is dead. Could you imagine her alive with this Niz crap going on. It's bad enough with Lucky. Actually I'd love for her to come back and tell Nikolas what a selfish pathetic bloated coward he's become.

Franco is love IF AND ONLY IF he kills Spinelli and Jason otherwise he can take his boombox to the waterfront and jump in along with it. and I think Sonny and Nikolas must hang together as they both have the same lame ass love stories time and time again. I think they need to pair up Sonny and Nikolas.

Maybe Tyler Christopher thinks he's going all Marlon Brando on us with his "I eat a box of Twinkies for breakfast" man-bloat. Pretty soon, he'll be mumbling incoherently (he's pretty well on his way to that now) and sitting splayed in a giant velvet armchair, demanding Alfred bring him bizarre things on silver trays. I guess Elizabeth will be sitting on the floor by his knee, chained to the chair like Princess Leia to Jabba the Hutt.

Hey, Guza writes this frickin' show. This can't be that far from reality!

I haven't watched today's episode, but I have enjoyed looking - er, uh... - WATCHING James Franco, regardless of the weirdness he utters. That man lights up a screen. I guess that's the difference between soap good looks and movie star good looks.

Was it me or did Jason look genuinely confused and frightened by Franco last week? Has that EVER happened in the history of Jason up against a bad guy? Was that in JF's contract? "Steve Burton CAN NOT seem more of a bad ass than me." I would have demanded it, too, if I were him.

I have watched this awful show since before Luke & Laura's wedding (I spent a lot of time at my Nonna's, and she had to be home by 1:00 to watch her stories), but I think GH & I are breaking up. Not only is it terrible and disgusting, and I dislike most of the characters. It's also boring as hell.

That lone tear, though...HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

The man-bloat thing is strange to me, b/c I don't think he looks that bad below the neck... but the neck itself, totally disappearing... and the face... yikes.

Niz is just nasty and gross. Dikolas is a pig.... run Liz run.

Free Elizabeth!

Rene. . .

re: the Jabba the Hutt imagery.. . WHY did you have to put that out into the ether? WHY?

re: James Franco's "more bad ass than Jason" clause. . . I mean really. . . is that such a stretch these days? Jason can't find his way to a bathroom without Spinelli's computer wizardry. . . and he can't wipe himself without Sam handing him the toilet paper. [ / meow ]

The Homoeroticism today could not be beat! Franco and Jason! Franco and Spinelli!

I even think of Sonny's jealousy of Johnny over Olivia is more about Johnny than Olivia.

So GH makes me happy.

Sorry, Mary Beth...Star Wars fans everywhere, I beg for your forgiveness....but can't you just SEE Dikolas' face right there on Jabba the Hut? I can just SEE it!

It's true...what did Jason do before Spinelli was there to Google instructions for him? I seem to recall he managed, but I guess they have to give Spinelli SOMETHING to do these days now that they've decided to ONCE AGAIN screw him out of a relationship that might have matured him. I'm fairly certain he could be the king of cyberspace and still manage to not act like he's in the sixth grade. Bradford Anderson has unbelievable acting chops if they'd just give him a chance.

Guza the Looza...damn him.

It would seem, in my dreams, everything that's going on could lead to a whodunnit involving the murder of Sonny. Here is a list of possible suspects and their motives.
1. Franco, because he wants to send Jason a message.
2. Johnny, because he finds the fact that Olivia still has "feelings" for Sonny to be a little gross (as do I).
3. Jax...just because it's about stinkin' time.
4. Lucky, in a shootout with the mob.
5. Dominic, in the same manner. Though for added angst, he would find out Sonny was his father right as he croaked.
6. Claudia, because this show is not above bringing people back from the dead to murder others.
7. Carly, because she reminds herself that Sonny once shot her in the head.

I am waiting with bated breath for the Soaps In Depth weekly "General Hospital Shocker" ad that will one day tell us "Sonny: dead! Who's the killer?"

Jason could've at least had some red M&M's. Who doesn't love those?!?

And...when did Nikolas become the most hateful character on GH!?? Because, by God, if it came down to picking between him and Sonny...no, I cannot even finish that sentence.

I know Mel! Isn't it too horrible to contemplate? It's like the entire point of Niz is to make us like SONNY more! (and Ethan and Jason....but my head exploded over that a long time ago...) I think the start of Nik's descent to full on Dikolas mode was when he was so annoyed it took Emily time to get over being raped by his non-related double....but then again I've hated his butt for years.

Nikolas became hateful because the actor is lazy and the character puts on a pretense of nobility. Sonny is a sleaze and a disgusting pig. That goes without saying.

Nikolas needs to lay off the steriods and do some cardio...that'd take care of the bloat.

Honestly what happened to Tyler. He used to be a good looking man. He doesn't seem fat as someone said but the bloat in the neck and face is odd. Is that actually what steroids does. Even Steve B has slimmed down in his face also.

I loathe Nikolas because he's become an awful awful character who is utterly pointless and yet, he remains, when he could so easily be just gotten rid of. Honestly, who would miss him? But he's still there and now he's mucking up my favorite female character (whom I refuse to hate despite how truly hateful they are making her).

Sonny is loathesome but -- for better or worse (which we know its worse) -- he's intrinsically tied to so many characters that at least he has a point on the show (other than to be gross and vile and misogynistic). Not that I think he couldn't also go away. . . but at least if he did, it would have an impact.

If Nikolas just left, I think it would be a relief and then, much like he does with Spencer all the time, we'd forget he was ever there.

I loathe Nikolas because he's become an awful awful character who is utterly pointless and yet, he remains, when he could so easily be just gotten rid of. Honestly, who would miss him? But he's still there and now he's mucking up my favorite female character (whom I refuse to hate despite how truly hateful they are making her).

Sonny is loathesome but -- for better or worse (which we know its worse) -- he's intrinsically tied to so many characters that at least he has a point on the show (other than to be gross and vile and misogynistic). Not that I think he couldn't also go away. . . but at least if he did, it would have an impact.

If Nikolas just left, I think it would be a relief and then, much like he does with Spencer all the time, we'd forget he was ever there.

Thank God I am not the only one who found Nik's lonely teardrop offensive. Seriously? Was this in the script? Or maybe improv by the fabulously talented TC who is obviously phoning it in by now. And I'm sorry, I love Becky Herbst, but the whining has got to go. I'd bet money that she is tired of this storyline too. TPTB could be delving back into LL's past but instead they insist on insulting us loyal fans with this nastiness.

Tyler has been a disappointment. I still remember his scenes with Laura a couple of years ago and talking about the death of Emily and he brought an unexpected depth to the scene. And yet these days ... and the bloat that everyone has spoken of? His body actually seems fine - the face on the other hand is getting more and more round.

And Sonny - is anyone interested in yet another one of his seductions. Does he really come off as sexy to ANYONE because he simply comes off as sleazy to me. The way he talks to his (hopeful) conquests, the tone of his voice, the tilt of his head, the cockiness - the last fews years, he's just one step away from fitting right in on "Jersey Shores" (except, of course, he would be in the mature gentleman's age group).

Line of the day? Franco's answer to his agent's plea to not shoot any more inanimate objects: "Well, the toaster's pissing me off." BWAH!

I think what disgusts me more than anything about how repugnant Nikolas is now is how swoony he was when he and Emily were first getting together in 2003. And TC may be too much of an AC-TOHR to want to stay with what helped make him popular in the first place, but he'd do himself a world of good remembering when people actually LIKED him, or at least didn't want to throw stuff at him.

Personally I felt they should have killed off Nikolas and kept Emily if they had to make a choice. She had far more connections on the show with the Q's, the hospital staff, Jason her brother, Michael being her nephew. It's never made sense to me why they kept him when I watch the stories they have written since she was killed off. All they've done with Nikolas is portrayed him as a horny pig for the most part and that actually started long before even Emily died. I think the character's purpose ended a long time ago when they killed off Stefan. It's partially I think why we rarely see him interacting with Alexis or Sam . But I also think killing off AJ and Alan were huge mistakes also so what do I know. Guza has a hardon for certain actors and for some odd reason which escapes me he's one. And I guess if you are a fave, no matter how much you stink on screen, you have a job for eternity it seems.

Sonny. I'm pretty immune to his romances at this point they happen so frequently so it's like what's the point. Olivia to me is not an appealing character but then I don't particularly find any of the women on GH at all appealing anymore.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment