Stumbling On Entertainment. The Intentional Kind!
It's always jarring to make it to the end of an episode of General Hospital and realize that your brow doesn't hurt from being furrowed, and you didn't shout numerous expletives at your television and that the hour flew by much faster than it normally does, meaning that you sat through an episode that wasn't half bad. Luckily, this is a rare phenomenon, so we don't have to deal with that shock too often.
Today, however, was one of those days: 4 PM rolled around and I wasn't weeping from sadness and also hatred. It was weird! Since I am the type of person who automatically jumps to the worst case scenario, I immediately started to worry that I had fallen asleep or otherwise blanked out and missed the part of the episode that showcased the poorly written offensiveness that has become synonymous with GH, but it seems as though Awesome Writer managed to create an ingenious diversion, sneak past his/her guards and escape capture before writing a pretty damn good show.
I never knew how much I missed having Scott Reeves on one of my soaps, but when he appeared in the form of Steven Webber today, I audibly said, "Oh, yay!" It's good to have you back, Mr. Reeves.
Also: so very pretty!
Also: pocket sized!
Also: Chief of Staff:
Steve: I'm the new Chief of Staff.
Elizabeth: No, really.
Steve: No, it's true. It was Monica's idea. She discussed it with Gram. Turns out Monica wants to be a full-time cardiologist again. I love the idea of taking over Granddad's old job.
Which maybe signals a new focus on the General Hospital of General Hospital. Look, I made a funny! Although, to be fair to the show, showing the actual General Hospital for more than three minutes a week would count as a new plot focus...
I'm excited, is the moral of this story. About his interaction with the hospital staff, however briefly we see them, and about his interaction with his sister!
Steve: But I don't like seeing my little sister upset. Can i help?
Elizabeth: I really wish you could, but i made a big mess of things all by myself. I don't know how i'm gonna get out of this one.
Steve: Well, don't you worry. We'll figure something out.
This could lead to some hilariously awkward scenes, where Steven thinks that he is helping his sister with a run of the mill problem, and then Elizabeth has to tell him "So I am engaged to Lucky, but I'm having sex with his brother, and it's all really complicated and now I'm afraid that I am going to lose custody of Cam to Lucky and Rebecca, the grifter who tried to con Emily's relatives and who knows the truth about me sexing up Nikolas, and that I am going to lose custody of Jake to his biological father Jason, who is a hitman, and Sam, who once allowed Jake to be kidnapped but I think the writers want me to forget that".
SPEAKING OF CAM, he is honestly the greatest ever. EVER.
He was soooo cute when he asked Elizabeth what was wrong and when he uncomfortably wondered what the hell his mother meant when she told him that she didn't deserve him.
Also notable Liz-related action: her bitchface when the ever-adorable Edward tried to get her to come around on Rebecca.
It was very much, "I'm trying so hard to be polite right now, you have no idea", but the bitch shone through.
Less fantastic was the completely passionless and subtle look she had on her face when she heard that Lucky would be investigating Rebecca getting run over (uh, see below for more on that).
Way to broadcast the fact that you have a secret and you are guilty about it and you are terrified that it will come out and ruin everything. She is TERRIBLE at keeping secrets, which is unfortunate, since she has a secret more often than not.
Nikolas running Rebecca over made me laugh out loud. The way that Natalia Livingston, off-screen, gave a meek little, "Eeek!" yesterday when he ran in her direction at full speed was so ridiculous, as was the way she sputtered, "Oh god, you bastard". I adored it.
Speaking of ridiculosity...um, Lucky is in charge of the investigation of his brother running Rebecca over? REALLY? So he's allowed to investigate his brother, but when Carly was kidnapped, he was forbidden from being involved in the search because she is family, even though no one ever considers her a Spencer unless she needs to throw it in her face in a last ditch effort to get them on her side for one of her many transgressions. So that's a conflict of interest, but brotherhood is not. Interesting.
Edward shares my rage:
Edward: I don't like this brother against brother. I'm calling the mayor.
The writers have really given Jonathan Jackson's Lucky a few extra brain cells. He has a newfound sense of competency and is clearly able to read between the lines. This is not at all a slight against Greg Vaughan, because we all know he can't control the writing. It's just interesting that the writers suddenly thought to themselves, "Hey, you know what would be awesome? If Lucky wasn't a simpleton!"
Lucky: I know, but at some point, he's gonna have to make a choice like I did. He can either get tangled up in his father's life, or he can save himself.
Jason: I know. He just needs some time. That's all.
Lucky: Well, he also needs to talk about what happened the night Claudia died. He admitted she's dead, by the way. He slipped up.
Jason: Is that gonna be on your official report?
Lucky: Whatever he's trying to hide, Jason, it's tearing him up inside. All right, it's not too late to save him, but the way he's going, you're gonna have to move fast.
I could do without the repeated mentions of how he is the worst human being to ever walk the earth because he dares to be a cop. Granted, most of the raging and hate has been coming from Michael, who is...well, a pissy, horrendous beast.
Michael: You're a traitor to your family, so you better stop following me around, because I am never gonna tell you anything.
What's with this traitor business? It's like he's a portrait at Grimmauld Place [/uber-nerd].
Michael's sass-mouth routine and sociopathic tendencies have been raising eyebrows for quite some time now, and earned him a smackdown from The Holy Hitman.
Jason: Shut up! You keep sayin' that you're a man, that you wanna live on your own, but you're acting like a little bitch! Like all those other rich kids who have no respect for anything or anyone. Quit disrespecting the people who are trying to protect you. I mean, you look like an idiot at Jake's talking to Lucky like that. I was embarrassed for you, man. I still am. You know what the problem is? That we've spoiled you for so many years, me most of all. Well, I'm done. From now on, keep your mouth shut. Show some respect. Go to school. If you don't, I'll make you. Now apologize to your mother. Stand up.
I'm not surprised that Jason called him a little bitch, because, well, he is a male character on GH, so that turn of phrase was to be expected, but it seemed out of character for him to me. Sonny, yes, but it didn't sound right coming from Jason. But the rest of it: spot on. I would love for the rest of town to line up and scream at this kid.
Fun fact about this scene: if you rewatch it with the sound off, Steve Burton looks like he's the lead singer of a boyband in a slow jam about breaking up.
And then, at other times, he looks completely deranged.
I guess he got fed up with the comments about how expressionless he usually is and went all out, but it was a wee bit over the top.
The episode wasn't entirely perfect, as it contained a lot of Sonny and Jason and Franco, and Dominante and Jax, and their storylines are far from well-written. I have no idea what the hell the writers are trying to do with Jax, and!
Sonny: The homeless guy?
Jason: He isn't homeless. It's Franco.
Sonny: Doesn't make any sense. Why would an artist, you know, pretend to be a homeless guy?
REALLY? Why is EVERYONE so caught up on the pretending to be homeless thing? Plastic surgery to create entirely new faces, and the idea of Sonny as a heartthrob are totally accepted as normal things, but THIS is what doesn't make sense in Port Charles?
Lulu: Look, I get Sonny's a criminal. I just don't think that's all he is, and a lot of people are gonna be hurt by this, including you. By doing your job, you're gonna be tearing a lot of people's lives apart.
"That's not all he is. He's also a misogynist, and a terrible father, and an egomaniac. So if you think that you can make the world a better place by putting him in prison, where he should rightfully be, you're totally wrong."
Lisa: Well, I know it was a long time ago, and it was long over before graduation, but still. I mean, an old girlfriend falls out of the sky into a relatively new marriage. Sometimes it's, you know, not so good.
HA! Thank you, Lisa, for providing astute commentary on this story!
Or, to be fair, the story that I am assuming is coming. Hey, maybe the writers will surprise us, and this will turn into--okay, I couldn't even type that with a straight face!
I'm not sure what to make of the fact that Julie Mond is already being replaced and what this means for this story, but I am going to go ahead and think that it means nothing good. Go ahead and call me a pessimist, but with this show's history, I think I'm more of a realist than anything.