Wednesday's Show Is Full Of...Whoa!
Wednesdays have, for whatever reason, become the day that the General Hospital powers-that-be have reserved for being good soap, if last Wednesday and today are any indication. And you know what, normally I'd question this, and sneer derisively and wonder why they can only manage to take their heads out of their asses one day a week, but I don't want to jinx this relative upswing in quality, so I am not going to ask any questions!
All I know is that GH usually ends and I feel the urge to throw a shoe at my television in response to the angst and awfulness of the preceding hour, but today, all I could do was sit back and marvel at the (nearly) across the board great performances and good writing, develop a craving for Christmas cookies and use Scott Reeves's name in a game of MASH.
Yes, he's tiny and a bit overtanned, but he's so pretty
and yesterday, he wore glasses!
I make passes at men who wear glasses!
Anyway, as I was saying before I got distracted by the wee pretty, nearly every aspect of today's show delighted me. A show that involved copious amounts of Maxie and Spinelli, and Sonny, and Luke, at that. It's shocking, no?
I mean, seriously, I'm usually good for a few (hundred) words of rage, but today, the only real complaint I had is my routine complaint about Maurice Benard's tortured line readings, two examples of which I did my best to transcribe below, but the bizarre spacing and pausing is much weirder when you hear it.
Sonny, to Michael: Your...motherprobably...s.....ent a rescue team.
Sonny, to Lucky: I saw...howyourd...ad felt
So many question marks! The biggest of all being what is happening to the world if this is the most glaring flaw in an episode?! Down is up, left is right, cops are good guys!
Actually, I should cut Mr. Benard some slack, because his scenes with Luke at the Haunted Star, when Sonny asked Luke to ask Lucky to ease up on Michael, were really good.
And since one half of that dynamic acting duo has a habit of phoning it in while the other half overacts so much that he ends scenes covered in spittle and runs the risk of having a seizure, that...was not the outcome I was expecting.
(Speaking of unexpected outcomes, I also thought for sure that Sonny would throw a King Douche fit when he came across Lucky talking to Michael, but he didn't bother me much, even if he is woefully ill prepared and unwilling to deal with Michael's inner turmoil. Maybe my judgment is clouded because his asking about Elizabeth and the boys led to the scoop that Cam and Jake are "bouncing off the walls because they are excited about Christmas"! GREATEST VISUAL EVER! I demand that we see lots of this wall bouncing!)
I really can't say enough good things about Drew Garrett. I think he is fantastic in every which way. Even when Michael is being the most hellish of all hell beasts, it makes sense for the character to be such a cesspool of bad traits, and DG does a good job of it, and he does an equally good job at the quiet moments in which Michael is tolerable, like the ones he had in today's episode.
It was small, but when he was leaving Kelly's with Christmas cookies and bumped into Lucky, his parting "Sorry for acting like a jerk at Jake's" was nice, as was his wordless reaction to seeing Jax, Carly and Morgan decorating the Christmas tree, and hearing Carly talk about the ornament he made her in kindergarten, and remembering that this time last year, he was in a coma.
He has such a natural screen presence, and he has been rocking it during his time on the show this year. It's so nice to sometimes watch him rock it without hoping for Jason to lose his temper and use Michael's head during target practice. Oh, who am I kidding, Jason is a pro, he doesn't need target practice!
And I loved it when Dante started to work him in hopes that he'll quickly crack and spill the truth about what happened to Claudia
Uh, which kind of started to happen immediately, since Michael lasted all of three seconds before mentioning that Sonny made sure Claudia will never be found! Excellent police work, Dante!. I really like Dominic Zamprogna, and he and Drew Garrett work well together, which bodes well for the scenes after the big reveal (which I am anxiously awaiting, by the way, since then the writers won't resort to pathetic attempts at foreshadowing. Like today, when Sonny said that he wanted to talk about their sons, and he meant Michael and Lucky, but then the show cut to Lucky and DANTE? My stomach churned at the thought of the powers-that-be high-fiving themselves over their cleverness).
But I MOST liked it because Dante talked about the traditional Italian Christmas Eve feast of the seven fishes! Which I can't wait for and is my favorite night of the year, so I award this scene points based on good acting, and also deliciousness.
Lucky continues to be fantastic, with his concern for Michael and his friendship with Dante, and his attempt to give Carly advice.
I loved how Carly immediately trotted out the Spencer family connection that she takes advantage of when it suits her purposes and then forgets it the rest of the time (okay, the "love" for that is sarcastic), but then quietly listened (the "love" for that is heartfelt, though!) to Lucky as he told her that Michael's knowledge of what happened to Claudia is eating him up inside and that he still has a chance to be a decent human being.
I...am not so sold on that, actually, but whatever, it was a nice moment.
Carly: You are the best big brother, ever.
Morgan: Just remember that when you're buying me presents.
Sonny's other, forgotten child indulged in a Christmas celebration of her own, as she, Kiefer, Molly, Alexis and Diane gathered to decorate Christmas cookies. Even Mac stopped by to partake in the good times!
Diane, after going on a long rant about Martha Stewart's impact on women, had a quiet moment from afar, watching Alexis and her girls (and, um, Kristina's abusive boyfriend, whose terribleness she and Molly are blind to. When Molly told Kiefer that the whole family approves of him, I was so disappointed. You are wiser than that, Molls!) as she drank her wine.
But she eventually got into the spirit of things, and decorated a cookie of her own before attempting to peer pressure Alexis into taking over her practice.
Alexis: I have reservations about your clients.
Diane: My clients are high-powered, wealthy individuals.
Kiefer: They're gangsters!
Kristina: Like my father?
Um, yes, Kristina, like your father, because that's his job. Or are you merely offended by the use of the word "gangster"? Is the preferred term "mobster"?
And yet again, the only person on this show who speaks the truth about the mafia is the person we all hate because he is an abusive jerk. This effing show, etc.
Ethan stopped by to ask for Alexis's help in sorting Luke's issue with the Haunted Star and noise ordinances and Kiefer was supremely unpleased to see him.
AGAIN, the only person with a rational reaction to this Aussie fool is the person we all hate because he is an abusive jerk. Although I must say that Ethan is way more tolerable lately than he ever was in the past, but I sympathized with Kiefer's reaction, like the guy can't even decorate cookies and Eddie Haskell his way into his girlfriend's family without some douche coming in to ruin things.
Kristina made polite small talk with the surprise guest, who managed to offend ten year olds all the world over when he said that Luke is acting like a fifth grader, earning a hilarious "Say what?" face from Molly.
When Kristina praised Ethan for helping his father, Kiefer jumped in quickly and snapped that Ethan isn't helping, just complaining, which earned a sharp glare from Diane, who is starting to realize that all is not right here. Thank you for having keen observational skills, Diane!
He then stormed out, and Diane awesomely tells her to never grovel after a man.
Elsewhere, Maxie confessed to Spinelli that she had sex with Franco, and he, in turn, tells her that he already knew. Who would guess that in a Maxie/Spinelli story, MAXIE would be the more annoying person? Because I have to admit, I envisioned awful, annoying, moping Spinelli reacting to the news, and Bradford Anderson has given us quietly gutted.
But Kirsten Storms and Maxie just aren't working. Although not many actresses could realistically spin a story that undid years worth of character rehabilitation in one fell swoop...
Although Spinelli was irksome when he repeatedly told Maxie that she wasn't responsible for what happened with Franco, and said things like "he lured you" or "you had no chance". She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions! Except that she acts like an immature brat and makes terrible decisions, which maybe sort of proves his point, but you know what I'm trying to say!
It was nice that she refused to take that easy out and countered that it was her choice and her fault. Her idea to fix things, though, was less than brilliant:
Maxie: It has to be an eye for an eye, or a bed for a bed or whatever.
You know who is considerably less than enthused about hearing Maxie's plan to have Spinelli sleep with someone else (perhaps chosen from a roster of models) to get even with her? THE ENTIRE FREE WORLD. Or at the very least, me.
PS: I miss Glee already
Robin and Lisa continued to talk in Jake's, and Lisa mentioned to Robin that she didn't want to like Robin, which Robin never got the chance to respond to, although I like to imagine that she said, "Well, my hair is awesome right now, so suck it"
while Patrick got into a pissing match with his new boss at the hospital, accusing Steven of getting the job based on nepotism and sneering, in response to Steven's completely reasonable observation that Patrick was as over the top as, well, Bruce Weitz, said
Patrick: You know what, I don't think Mercy would mind my reaction!
Um, why on earth has Patrick been so pissy lately? Is he angry because of the Glee hiatus, too?! Or is he mad that he has competition for Dreamiest Doctor At GH?! Both noble reasons to be angry, I guess, but the hissyfits are unbecoming.
Then Patrick, in a disturbingly monochromatic outfit
made his way to Jake's and starts to bitch about Steven who--you'll never believe this one--shows up at that very moment! I've never seen a sitcom before, so I was surprised by that development.
Robin adorably got out of the awkward situation by offering to buy him a drink in thanks for saving Patrick from himself (ha!) and then says
Robin: Did he get to the point where he says, ::in a Patrick voice:: 'Mercy wouldn't mind'...?
The foursome then played darts and Robin, based on her superspy lineage, kicked ass. She and Patrick then celebrated by making out, which must have been uncomfortable for Steven and Lisa, but it was nice to see all the same.
Hope you enjoyed that kiss, guys, it's probably your end of screentime for the week!