And The Word of The Day Is: Awkward
I was originally going to make this post into a poll and pose the question, "Which uncomfortable moment from today's All My Children was the most profoundly uncomfortable?", because there was a bevy of uncomfortable moments to choose from, to the point where I am estimating that I spent at least a third of the episode tittering nervously, but there is one clear "winner" that I could barely even watch all of the way through, although I DID, because I am a professional, although I did watch it with my hands covering my eyes, because if there is one thing I can't really deal with, it's watching something hugely embarrassing happen, which is why sometimes I can't re-watch The Office and also, why I have never been able to go to high school drama productions.
The runners up:
Greenlee, in her hospital bed, daydreaming of Ryan and swooning as she wished him a happy birthday, while he enjoyed a romantic dinner with her father's ex-wife. Goodness gracious, is that tragic in every sense of the word.
- JR and Jake exchanging a solemn handshake after learning that the latter, not the former and certainly not David, fathered Trevor. I have not been involved in any paternity scandals (knock wood!), so perhaps that is the proper way to accept defeat?
- Erica FLIPPING THE EFF OUT to hysterically explain to Ryan that she likes him, but doesn't like him like him and certainly didn't mean that she LOVED him when she said that "You just make me feel so extra alive. I love that about you". Erica Kane, shut your damn fool mouth and stop getting all aflutter over Ryan Lavery and acting like an eighth grader.
- Colby obsessing over Adam and Annie's sex life. I know she is consumed with getting Annie out of her family's life forever, but I would never, ever, ever...ever ever ever want to have a conversation with a step-mother about their sex life. Or, as she delicately phrased it:
"I'm just worried about him. He always plays the tough guy, but he just had a major procedure. Maybe until he gets used to the pacemaker and we know it's working okay he should, um, he should be left alone. At night".
Fun fact: Blanche Devereaux dealt with the issue of sex and pacemakers on a very special episode of The Golden Girls that was on yesterday. She, naturally, chose sex.
Colby did get the hilarious line, "She is playing a game. And if we're not careful, game over. Whodunit? Annie, in the bedroom, with a negligee", but one hilarious line does not make up for this oh-so icky line of thought.
And now, the most uncomfortable of all uncomfortable moments. I tried to look for video evidence of this horror show, but the internet looks to be ignoring that it exists, which is better for all of us.
Cameron Mathison acting drunk made me feel so many emotions (shock, shame, sadness, hurt, etc.) and Drunk Ryan seemed to be experiencing just as many emotions, if his rapidly changing facial expressions, veering from "I am going to smash you" to "I may upchuck all over the newly nice Madison" are anything to go by. It was...it was not good. I've tried my best to transcribe his big monologue and have attempted to note when he all of a sudden began to yell for no reason. Please read the following and, at random intervals, imagine him making a really angry face with dead eyes. And at other times, a really sad face with dead eyes.
Ryan: I'm serious--what did she--I--what did---you think?
Madison: I think Erica is one of the most extraordinary people I've ever met. And I think the two of you make a great team, both in business and whatever else you might choose. Personally, I don't know why you'd want to hide it.
Ryan: You know, we're just taking things one day at a time, but I WILL TELL YOU THIS: if you're lucky enough in this life to find someone that you can, you can, you can, you can escape WITH if you want to, someone you can sort of SIT BACK and be yourself with, you know? No, no, no games. And that's what Erica and I have RIGHT NOW and you're right. There's no reason to hide that. Certainly not anything to whisper about in the office corridors.
Just thinking about it is making me shudder with second-hand embarrassment.