Barely Concealed Hatred
There are so many people that the above could apply to! I could be discussing Lucky's barely concealed hatred of Nikolas. Or everyone's barely concealed hatred of the PCPD. Or Lisa's barely concealed hatred of the institution of marriage. Or my hatred of 90 percent of the people in Port Charles.
Well, we all know that the last one does not apply to this show at all, because my distaste for many of the goings on in Port Charles is far from concealed.
Lucky, having witnessed Elizabeth and Nikolas exchanging "I love you"s and getting it on, had a series of visceral reactions that quite nicely mirrored the horror I've felt throughout this unfortunate pairing.
First, there was shock.
Then, there was anger.
My display of anger was less over-the-top than his, probably because "Liz and Nik are ew, and they are ruining Liz's character and EW" isn't as good a reason for physical rage as "my fiancee, the love of my life, is sexing up my brother".
Then, pure anguish.
The only emotional response we didn't get a chance to see was him becoming sick to his stomach. I am assuming that the collapsing and vomiting occurred off-screen.
It's no secret that I think Jonathan Jackson is the bee's knees/cat's meow/other peculiar slang term best left in the 1920s, so I very predictably enjoyed all of his scenes today. He was fantastic at having very big reactions to this news without becoming completely campy (although I admit that the sobbing verged quite nearly into that territory). So good. But I think my favorite moments were the ones where everything was internal. Like, when he got home from Wyndemere and looked like a man who was kicked in the soul.
Or when he went to tell Nikolas not to go to Paris (I am hoping that this is so Lucky is able to play a series of increasingly twisted psychological mind games with him) and you could see how much he was trying to keep the pent up rage and hatred bottled up. I hate this story in every way possible, but I loved this performance.
You know who I did not love? And whose reactions to this episode's various happenings defied the boundaries of common sense and good taste? Liz, and her pretty, pretty hair, because double you tee eff, people?
First, she's all, "I love you and am going to have sex with you before you go to Paris and then we'll have a conversation about how we wish this could have been different and you'll talk about all of your lost loves and I'll say 'hang in there, buddy!"
And then she's all, "I just finished having sex with my fiance's brother, who I allegedly love and who is leaving the country for forever so let me scamper over to my fiance's house immediately to say hey. Hmm, he looks like he's been crying. Weird!"
And then! "Let me go over to the hospital and charm my equally adorable brother into giving me the weekend off so that I can spend it with Lucky. Nikolas who?"
WHO DOES THAT?! She didn't seem at all guilty about what she's done, and she didn't seem broken up about Nikolas leaving. I am so confused, both by her actions and by the continuing employment of this show's writing staff.
I'd say it was nice to see Spencer and that it was nice to see Nikolas acting like he's interacted with a child before and even that Nikolas's explanation of why they had to go to Paris was nice (if you ignore the "Son, we have to leave town because I'm a grody perv" subtext), but I cannot tell a lie. It was DISTURBING to see all of this happening on the couch where Nik and Liz just finished having sex!
Spencer's sweater vest was very cute, though.
Could Tyler Christopher have tried any less in this episode? He came across as especially half-assed because of how good Jonathan Jackson was, but throughout his scenes with both Liz and Lucky, he was very "I need to get milk once we're done filming, but I don't know where to get it. It's cheaper at Stop and Shop, but that's on the other side of the road".
DID YOU KNOW that Patrick was once a total man whore, hooking up with women left and right?
AND DID YOU KNOW that he is cocky?
AND DID YOU KNOW that he also at one point in time drank a lot of alcohol prior to, during and after hooking up with women left and right?
AND FURTHER, DID YOU KNOW that Patrick likes race cars?
The writers feel that we do not know any of this, or are incapable of retaining this knowledge. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and will assume that they are trying to remind us of these things in case we are all afflicted with some type of severe memory problems along the lines of Audrina Adare, but I think it's more likely that they think we're just stupid and need to be reminded of simple facts, often.
I'm peeved about it, not just because I resent having my intelligence insulted by this show (of all shows! I mean, come the hell on, you are General Freaking Hospital. Your idea of a complex story begins and ends with "And then Jason does something amazing" and it's not like we need to worry at all about characterization or history, because you disregard those things on a whim), but also because their definition of wild is not at all wild! They keep implying that Patrick was this booze-soaked, immoral sexual deviant, and it turns out that--get this! He drank beer, and...wait for it...yelled at sporting events on television.
Lisa: Ok, I guess I can't quite reconcile the new, improved, domesticated Patrick with the old guy I knew.
Patrick: Yeah, sittin' on the couch, watchin' Nascar on tv, drinkin' beer, yellin' at the screen.
I clutched my pearls so hard I damaged my windpipe!
I love that Scott Reeves plays a competent doctor, and is pretty, and wears glasses
but he seriously needs to figure out a way to appear in scenes with Patrick without being in the same frame, because, in the words of Christian Bale, it's fucking distracting.
Dominante voicing his concerns to Sonny about Michael's RAGE issues was great, not least because of this exchange:
Dominante: Look, Michael's a good kid. I'm not tryin' to get him in trouble here, but I'm worried because he seemed volatile.
It was so, "Right. Vol-a-tile. And we all know that that means...???..."
I giggled over that and then the cringe set in when Sonny tried to exhibit self-awareness in the most self-pityingly way possible.
Dominante: Well, I don't think he's complaining. That kid is determined to be like you.
Sonny: Michael is like me. I want better for him, but he doesn't want better for himself.
They can throw Sonny as many of these lines as they'd like, but it doesn't make him any more tolerable.
This conversation took place after Dominante overheard Sonny and Michael having a deeply personal conversation about Claudia's death that even Dominante, who is pretty clever, misunderstood, assuming that Sonny killed Claudia in front of Michael. Michael and Sonny's conversation also contained an unintentionally hilarious moment.
Michael: Dad, these guys are forensic experts.
HA! Oh, Michael. Try all you want to be a big, bad member of your father's organization. Comments like this will always remind the rest of the world that you are still unbelievably naive! The PCPD! Experts at anything! HA!
And back to cringing (this episode had a lot of unintentional humor and cringe-inducing moments), how sad was it to watch Dominante and Ronnie get all excited about the prospect of putting Sonny away?
Boys, the three seconds it took you both to break into gleeful smiles is twice as long as the time it will take for the justice system to say, "Our bad, Mr. Corinthos, you're excused. Sorry for wasting your time".
I continue to enjoy the subtle way that the show hints at Dominante's paternity. Did I say "enjoy"? I meant loathe.
Ronnie: It's perfectly ironic. Sonny Corinthos brought down by his own son.
The only way this show could be less subtle is if "SONNY IS DANTE'S FATHER SONNY IS DANTE'S FATHER, I REPEAT, SONNY IS DANTE'S FATHER" scrolled at the bottom of the screen in red, glittery writing whenever Dominante is in a scene where the word "father" is uttered.
I can't believe that Olivia is encouraging Sonny to leave the country.
And I also can't believe that the writers can't come up with anything for this couple besides, "Remember that time thirty years ago? That was awesome."
And I also also can't believe that we are expected to forget that these exact conversations have already happened with Kate.
But what I REALLY can't believe is that Maurice Benard is so firmly committed to receiving a fourth Duh Face of the Year Award that he's already hauling out some of his best quizzical looks in January.
Someone is in it to win it!
Cram it, Maxie.
I should disclose that I very rarely watch entire Sam and Jason scenes, due to the endlessly repeated dialogue, so there is a chance that I am wrong when I say that these two have had, literally, the exact same conversation for the past few weeks. I am talking about the same exact scripts and everything, with a variation of:
JASON: People are in danger because of me. You could have been killed.
SAM: Oh, whatever, that's totally cool with me. Really! I don't mind!
JASON: It's because of me. Because I'm a killer.
SAM: That is not true, Jason. You kill people, but you're not a killer!
I am barely even paraphrasing! Jason expresses a sliver of self doubt and Sam falls all over herself assuring hin that he is the best person in the world to ever kill for profit and to not be sad that his job has cost people everything near and dear to them. I am so totally over it.
Although I did get a brief kick out of Jason's horror that Maxie redecorated his apartment.
Jason: Yeah. Nothing's the same. I have no idea where anything is.
Sam: All right. Well, you'll figure it out.
Jason: Yeah, but don't you think they should have asked?
I like how he is aware of the concept of manners now, but when it came to accepting a host's offer of chips and dip, etiquette was nowhere near his mind! How convenient, Jase!