I'm not sure what is with the most recent crop of bananas, but they have been featuring lots of religious icons on them. First there was Banana Jesus, and then today, the banana I had with my breakfast had two large dots on it. But not just any dots: if you have an overactive imagination and spend far too many hours a day thinking about General Hospital, those large dots looked uncannily similar to the cold and emotionless eyes of the most holy of hitmen, Jason Morgan. If I were faster on my feet, I'd have sold it on ebay to a huge Jason fan, but I ate it. Sacrilicious!
In case we'd all forgotten that Jason is the most awesome person to ever exist and do awesome things in an awesome manner, today's episode of GH was a nice refresher course in Jason 101, courtesy of guest lecturer Robin Scorpio!
Here are just three of her lines today.
Robin: He made me want to live. Jason was so patient, and kind and just incredibly supportive. He saved my life, actually.
Robin: Sometimes it's easy to forget how much I owe Jason.
Robin: You know Jason holds a special place in my heart. And hey, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be with you, I wouldn't be here right now, wouldn't be a wife, a mother, a doctor...
So the moral of the story is that Lifesavers should be renamed Jasons, Valentine's Day should be Jason's Day and we should increase the amount of times we hear about Jason's good deeds from three daily to eight daily. Got it!
Luckily, the new version of Port Charles newcomer Lisa Niles
(who may be familiar to some from an episode of Criminal Minds where she played a murderous prostitute, who became weirdly fixated on Hotch. Assuming that some of you are also obsessed with certain CBS crime procedurals, and the procedural's cardigan wearing genius profiler in particular)
was able to learn all of this information before she made another stupid mistake, like thinking to call the police when she saw a random thug holding a gun on a patient!
Lisa: Call security. There's a man with a gun in a patient's room!
Robin: Uh, Mr. Domestico?
Lisa: How did you know--why aren't you calling?
Robin: The guy with the gun, did he have sandy hair? Wearing a leather jacket?
Lisa: You know him?
Robin: I'll take care of it, okay?
Lisa: Aren't you going to go with her?
Patrick: She'll be fine.
Lisa: He HAS A GUN. I'm calling security.
Patrick: You don't need to do that. The guy that you described, that's Jason Morgan, Robin's ex-boyfriend.
Lisa: Are you sure we shouldn't call the cops?
Patrick: One of these nights over a couple of beers, I'll explain to you the million reasons why it isn't necessary.
(I can only come up with two reasons, btw: 1. The PCPD is inept and 2. Jason is God, so I think Dr. Drake is a little prone to exaggerating. And gossiping! What was with him spilling Robin's romantic history like a high school girl? But that's a story for another time)
And even Robin's face when she walked in on Jason doing his job was more, "Oh, Jason, you keep getting into these wacky scrapes!" than anything else.
This show is so weird! Jason pulls a gun on someone and someone rightly freaks out and gets chastised, all, "Oh, that's just Jason, he's totally cool." It reminds me of college, and the man who would go to the Price Chopper up the block from my school seemingly every day and sit on a bench outside, guarding his groceries protectively, and yelling things to no one in particular in a language that I assume was Klingon. Friends visiting would always be mildly terrified of him, and we'd all reassure them with a "Him? Oh, he's totally harmless". Because he was totally harmless. You just had to learn how to tune out the unintelligible yelling.
Jason is that Klingon-shouting man. Harmless! Except armed, and prone to killing people. Which makes him...the show's leading man. Because this show is broken.