Shot Through The Heart
I'm not going to pretend like it's rare for me to say things like, "I had to keep looking away during that episode" or "I honestly felt like I was intruding on the worst moment of a person's life" after I watch General Hospital. It's a distressingly frequent occurrence, actually! But I'm usually saying them in the "I had to keep looking away during that episode, on account of how horrendously written it was" or "I honestly felt like I was intruding on the worst moment of a person's life...oh, wait, that happened and that person was actually me. Never mind" kind of ways.
Today, though, was like a punch in the throat. I had been so eagerly anticipating Lucky's smackdown of Liz and Nik for their crimes against humanity, but I wasn't expecting it to be so...raw. And painful. And nearly impossible to watch.
(I DID expect lots of slut-calling, so at least I wasn't totally caught off guard by Lucky's tirades. I mean, seriously, men on this show are not allowed to express even mild annoyance without denigrating a woman for being a whore).
Jonathan Jackson was even better than he has been in recent days, and since he has been pretty damn great of late, well...I know that I compliment him so often that anything I say about him can easily be interpreted as mindless gushing, and maybe that's a little bit right, but still, he was good.
As was Becky Herbst, who hit every single note of pure devastation.
And Tyler Christopher managed to shed a single tear after spending most of the episode stone-faced*.
But I am too caught up in the soapiness to even make a "Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's glycerin" crack.
*He was good when Liz kicked him out at the end, though. Credit where credit is due and all that. I feel like I am growing as a person!
I was originally going to do a "The Day's Most GASP! DID THAT JUST HAPPEN? Dialogue" entry after today, but pretty much every line Lucky said was in the running. Like, everything about this exchange was [insert hyperbolic expression of greatness here] and [and also here]:
Elizabeth: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Lucky: So you've said.
Elizabeth: I have no excuse.
Lucky: Something we agree on.
Nikolas: Look, I don't know what else to say. We didn't plan for this to happen, Lucky. It just happened, ok?
Lucky: I don't even know what that means.
But wait! There's more!
Lucky: Who cares?! Who cares if I'm drunk?! Drunk! Sober! Sober! Drunk! I can still smell every lie that comes out of your mouth. But look, I'll own my part in this. Ok? I couldn't see what was right in front of me. You're too edgy when Nikolas is around. You cry for no reason. You push me away and then say it has nothing to do with me. I should have known after everything that Elizabeth has done that she was a faithless tramp. But never, ever in my wildest dreams did i ever imagine this betrayal from my own brother.
Lucky: You're the big surprise, Nikolas. All those years learning to trust each other, believing you when you said you loved me, that we were both our mother's sons. I got news for you. You are a Cassadine right down to the bottom of your rotten soul. Yeah, i guess i had to see it for myself, but you two make a hell of a pair.
Elizabeth: You know, what you saw, it was the end of it.
Lucky: End of it? Oh, it helps to know that wasn't the only time. When did this affair start exactly, huh? Well, you know what? I don't wanna know.
I loved, loved, LOVED when Carly stopped by. Liz's complete terror at Carly "The Mouth" Jacks learning her secret and Lucky's "Oh, it's already been broughten" look as he went to let Carly in were awesome.
Carly: Elizabeth, it's Carly. Are you home?
Elizabeth: Please don't.
Lucky: Pardon me. Hey, cuz. Come on in.
Carly: Ok, obviously you guys are in the middle of something. I just wanted to invite you to Josslyn's christening. It's on January 29, so--
Lucky: I'll be there, wouldn't miss it. Nikolas and Elizabeth, I don't think they're gonna be able to make it, though, because they'll be too busy rutting like farm animals.
RUTTING LIKE FARM ANIMALS! I am torn between asking "Who says that?" and "Why doesn't everybody in the world say that every single day?".
The entire painful, nasty episode took the ugliest turn yet when Elizabeth alluded to the two greatest children in all of soapdom. After hearing those two words, Lucky completely lost it in the most vicious way.
Elizabeth: I know you want to punish me, but think about the boys.
Lucky: Shut your lying mouth! You can whore yourself out to anyone you want, but don't you ever, ever try to use Cam and Jake to manipulate me again, you bitch.
Elizabeth: You can attack me all you want, but i have never used Cam and Jake to manipulate you.
Lucky: You always have. You knew the problems I had with my dad from day one. You held Cam and Jake out as my chance to be a better father, to have a stable family, but what you really wanted was for me to be your fail-safe. You wanted me to play papa while you were out tramping around. Those boys have no idea--
Nikolas: Lucky, you're understandably upset, but you're taking this thing too far.
Lucky: Like hell I am! You heard her. She doesn't want the world to know what you two did, for the boys' sake. She thinks that by throwin' them in my face, she'll get what she wants like always. Well, not this time! You cheated, he lied, and you handed yourself out like candy.
AH! I couldn't watch, but I also couldn't not watch.
And then Lulu brought it all home. Dare I have high hopes that tomorrow will be another day of amazing smackdowns?
Nikolas: I have. Elizabeth and I both spoke to him. Well, I'm-- "listened" would be more accurate, I guess.
Lulu: Did he say why he started drinking again?
Nikolas: He knows the truth. Elizabeth and I have been sleeping together for months now.
Lulu: You liar. You selfish pig. How could you do this to your brother?
Pretty fab, no? And that's not even getting into Michael telling Sonny that Dante is a cop, or the sheer WTFery of Carly suggesting that Jason get custody of Jake because Liz had an affair with Nikolas! The whole episode made my head spin, but mostly in the good way, which is just weird!