Two Kinds of Awesome
It's rare that an episode of General Hospital has even one awesome thing. Or one thing that approaches being mildly okay. But Thursday's show featured two genuinely fantastic moments amongst the "Oh, Patrick, you were so wild back in the day and I'm so glad I knew you then instead of now"1 and the--I'm not paraphrasing here, this is what Elizabeth ACTUALLY said--"I'm not going to blow apart my life for anyone. And I'm going to lie until the day I die to preserve our relationship"2, and they were fantastic in wildly different ways.
Laura Wright and Drew Garrett's work together was genuinely amazing. I enjoy watching both of them, always. Apparently, liking Laura Wright so much is a seriously controversial opinion, but I do; I have major respect for anyone who can make this poorly written version of Carly tolerable (even I'm not brainwashed by her pretty hair enough to think that she's always likable). And Drew Garrett is seriously such a find. Even when I can't stand what Michael is saying or doing (which is....a lot of the time), I still feel compelled to watch. Sure, that might be Stockholm Syndrome, but it might also be a great performance! He should really start working on an Outstanding Younger Actor Emmy acceptance speech now (assuming that there is an actual Emmy ceremony and not a situation where the winners get their Emmy via USPS in a damaged box) after his work yesterday.
Carly: It's not healthy, sitting on your emotions. They back up on you, Michael. They choke you. You still feel what you're going to feel. It just comes out in different ways. You think I don't see that you're not eating and you're not sleeping? You're angry, and you're distant. You lash out at people you love. You're taunting the cops. And now you're drinking and driving. I'm scared. I'm afraid for you.
Michael: But if I can't fix anything else, if I have to sit around like an idiot while everybody else is cleaning up my own messes... I should at least be able to get a grip on my own turmoils. Why should I dump that on the rest of you, too?
Carly: Because that's what most people who love each other do. I dump everything on Jason [Hee!--Ed.]. You think I'm weak?
Michael: Anything but. And it's not that I can't sleep. I don't want to, 'cause I have nightmares. You know, I can feel the weight of the axe handle in my hands, and I feel my arms swinging, and I can see the startled look on Claudia's eyes. And then she's falling. But not like that night, you know? She just dropped. In my dream, she's going down in slow motion, collapsing like in sections on the floor. And the worst part is the blood. It's still warm. The blood's alive, the blood's still alive. I was just trying to stop her. I was just trying to help you and Josslyn. Claudia was not supposed to die.
So freaking good.
And then there was the OTHER kind of awesome. The kind where you're watching your TV, wide-eyed with fascination and you don't know if it's good or bad, or if you're imagining the whole thing, but either way, you can't help giggling at how amazing and absurd it is at the same time. You know what I'm talking about: Franco.
The Franco storyline can be summed up like so many other stories on this show: "Well, it COULD have been great", but because we have the writers and producers that we do, it fell short of what it could have been. It COULD have been an actual story, and not three lines of dialogue dragged out for ages (those three lines being "Franco is crazy", "You're crazy" and "I'm crazy, not to mention bitter that you shunned my chips and dip). That's not to say I'm not enjoying it, because I enjoy anything that brings James Franco into my life (like, say, 30 Rock next week!), but I am a special case.
Anyway, I think that they shouldn't have even given him a real storyline, much less one centered around Jason. They should have just had him randomly pop up to spout hilarious one-liners and make comments that unnerve all around him. Because when he does that, it's amazing. Would it have made any real sense? No, but neither does the story they actually came up with. He could have been a hot guy acting as an occasionally bizarre voice for the audience.
Sonny: I'm kind of an artist, too.
Sonny: Your brain splatter all over that wall, what would that go for at an auction?
Franco: Gangsters are so colorful!
Franco: I think I'm starting to get this whole "mob banter" thing.
Sonny: What you really are is a lovesick groupie who's got a crush on a rock star hitman you can never have.
Franco: As opposed to say, a daddy who's jealous his favorite has another suitor?
Franco: Well, of course you will. That's what you do. You send your assassin into impossible situations while you hide behind your bodyguards. Jason's a killer. You, you're a coward.
Jason: What, you want to search me?
Franco: I thought you'd never ask. Assume the position.
What the what?! The only question now is if this will be The Soup's clip of the week, or just part of Joel's "My Stories" segment.
Also, fun fact: the top Google search leading to Serial Drama today is: "Jason and Franco" GAY. The all-caps are part of the actual search, not mine.
1. Remember, because Patrick was wiiiiiild back in the day, with his drinking and his sexing! It was craaaaaaazy! Lisa sheds a tear for that Patrick.
2. SERIOUSLY, LIZ, WHAT THE HELL? YOU NEED THERAPY3
3. From a therapist at Mercy, naturally.