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« Jason, The Mob and Full-Frontal Snogging | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

February 17, 2010

I Find Trigonometry Less Confusing Than This Interview

Oh, so much to talk about with this little gem of an interview, dear readers.  So much.  So much that is...utterly confusing and nonsensical.  But this is General Hospital and this is a day that ends with "-day," so I guess that is about right.

[GH] is bringing back Skye Quartermaine, the lusciously wicked divorcee played by Robin Christopher

We adore Robin Christopher, but the writing for Skye was consistently terrible (as was the wardrobing), she suffered from Invisible Quartermaine disease more often than not, and main tie to the canvas -- her father -- is dead, so the fact that this is the character the GH writers have decided to bring back is a bit puzzling.

“It’s hard to write GH without the Qs,” says the soap’s multi Emmy-winning head writer Bob Guza.

(I greyed-out the portion that makes me most uncomfortable.)

It's hard to write GH without the Qs?  So his job has been exceedingly difficult for the last decade or so?  Or perhaps he should have been more specific:  "It's hard to write GH without killing off at least one Q per sweeps period, so I'm going to start bringing back ones I previously treated as particularly useless so that when I ruin and/or slaughter them, I get less flack from the fans, or at the very least don't have to figure out a way to bring them back as ghosts or talking tumors six months later."

“Every time we drift away from the family, even though we’ve diluted them a bit over the years, it just feels wrong. So we’re looking to build them up again.”

Are we having another penultimate cosmic guffaw moment?  "Diluted them a bit"?!  Is that what you call the twisted game of "Kill, Write Off, Marginalize" that you've been kicking ass at since Clinton was president, you egomaniacal, myopic dolt?  And if it feels wrong, you know what you can do?  STOP DOING IT.  This is where having a sense of shame comes in handy.  Shame needs to make a comeback.

And I will believe Bob Guza is dedicated to building up the Quartermaines just as soon as I become convinced that Lindsay Lohan is really committed to her sobriety and skincare.

Who will Skye sink her well-mannied claws into this time? Teases Guza: “Luke [Anthony Geary] clearly has some needs right now. We’ll be doing some really fun stuff with Luke, Skye and Luke’s wife Tracy [Jane Elliott]."

Ew. I don't want to hear about Luke's needs.  That kind of thing leads us to dark places.

Also, "well-mannied"?  Really?  Okay.

On the upside, Tracy and Skye battling sounds fun.

"And Alice [Bergen Williams], the Q’s maid, is going to play a big part in this, as well.”

Oh lord.  I don't mind her, but a little Alice goes a long way. 

“When you’re a member of the Ward family in Port Charles, it comes with a whole s--tload of expectations,” the scribe says.

1) My, that's eloquent.  And anyway, I prefer "assload."  It's just classier.

2) Expectations such as...a gory death?  Taking Jason's virginity?

“Her drive is to be a doctor, so anything—or anybody—who gets in her way is going to be a problem.”

Yes, those crazy career women!  They're just so emotionally closed off and pushy.  Thank goodness GH is finally tackling this important subject.

Though Guza is busy expanding the Quartermaines

Hahaha, what?  I'm sorry, I don't speak CRAZY. 

Says Guza: “Liz [Rebecca Herbst] is pregnant and Helena is going to be sniffing around. Wait until you see her get her teeth into the idea of having a new heir. It’s raging lunacy!”

Raging lunacy, huh?  Well, they say you should write about what you know.


Thank goodness I read this before reading the actual interview in its entirety. Scratch that - I don't think I could have gotten through it without throwing something.

I rarely enjoyed the Skye character, so I'm not excited about this. Still, it's so much better than (foolishly) getting excited over an old favorite returning, only to see the character ruined.

I'm with Charlotte on this one, I don't think I could stomach reading Guza's whole interview, so thanks ladies for putting up with it.

Ugh, he's trying to fix what he destroyed, in the worst way possible. Can we say 'hot mess'?

I read the interview and it just boggles the mind.

One thing your didn't mentioned -- "despite recent reports that the much-discussed villain, Valentine, will turn up soon. “We have a lot of other fish to fry right now,” says Guza. 'Valentine’s arrival is not imminent. This is right up there with those rumors that Genie Francis and Vanessa Marcil are coming.'"

I channel Lucky and say "I don't even know what that means." Does he not know the meaning of the word "rumor" now? Viewers are expecting Valentine because Guza began a storyline about him, it's not some random rumor.

A more accurate comment would be:

'Valentine’s arrival is not imminent. This is right up there with those rumors that Jason will find Stan's killer or the audience will find out who killed Dr. Meadows and who put the bomb in Jason's boat.'

Well, I for one am glad they are bringing Skye back. I'm quite sure that Lila Rae will be older...will she be Molly/Morgan age or Michael/Kristina/NewWardGirl age? <---Uh...we're gonna need some boys not related to these women if that's the case.

Now, Skye...first and foremost, leave Luke and Tracy alone. They're good. There's nothing more soothing when facing all the violence and whorring than a well placed "spanky-buns" scene.

Besides, we have so many others that Skye could actually hook up with.

Sonny comes to mind first. However, that puts Skye squarely in the midst of the mob. Well, it's not like she hasn't been there before. She seems to be quite fine with walking the line of right and wrong. So, I'm kinda cool with that. Plus, it allows for them to bring back someone we already know and love that has ties to PC instead of some new flavor of the month that we know won't last. (Hannah, Reese, Olivia etc...)

And Maurice Benard, Laura Wright, Robin Christopher and Steve Burton in scenes together makes my heart go pitter patter. I don't really care how you mix those four, they can all stand on their own in scenes and watching them fight out who wins the "Best in Scene" prize will be all WIN WIN for the viewers. <-- For fun, lets add in Diane played by the incomparable Carolyn Hennesey. Two reds beats two blondes and a brunette ANY DAY...that ends in day, of course.

Then there's Doc Hottie McReevester (as I like to call the new Stephen Webber played by the incredibly HOT Scott Reeves). He's a little more tame but most certainly looks like the type of man that could light anyone's fire. Skye could come in as the Q rep for the hospital with all kinds of changes in mind. She could tango with the doctor about stethescopes and bedpans and I'd watch just to see a little supply closet action.

Then Nikolas Cassadine comes to mind. If they aren't going to hook him up with Elizabeth, which I was truly hoping for until the Who's the Daddy storyline came around and still kinda am, then lets put someone intelligent and sexy up against this intelligent and sexy man. (Dingbat goes to Washington is not a part that Tyler Christopher does well in. He needs brooding and shirtless scenes...DAILY!)

PS: Guza, I'm so FU*$%&ING pi$$ed at you. Can you NOT just write a good soapy storyline of seduction, lies and affairs without making the woman pregnant? I know Rebecca Herbst is pregnant and I know it makes it easier to film but COME ON!!!! You had a plan...why not just carry that ball to the finish line. THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH YOU. YOU NEVER SEEM TO CARRY THE BALL YOU STARTED WITH OVER THE FINISH LINE YOU MORON!!! (Okay sorry about that. Rant over...for now.)

Now back to Nikolas. Can you see the sparks and flames and total bitch factor when Skye and Helena tango? And poor Nik in the middle. He's the perfect romantic lead as well as the Dark Prince. He'd be perfect for Skye.

Then there's a third for Mac/Alexis or even Scrubs. <-- Uh...yes, please remove this contrived BS Lisa, I'm every man's fantasy because I'm a hot surgeon who loves beer and NASCAR and football. OH PUHLEEZE!!! While we're at it, could she have a side job as a Hooters waitress too? It just rounds out the picture so well.

Notice I have not mentioned Jax, although he is tall enough for her. I don't like Jax. Jax and Kate can hook up because I don't like Kate. Put them in recurring hell and leave them there to only trot out on occasion so that others, that I love like Carly, Sonny, Olivia, Jason, Dante, etc...can call them Candy Boy and Snotty Connie...trip them in their ball gowns, throw wine in their face, allow them to take Josselyn off to boarding school and then leave them wherever they go in Europe. I'm cool with that. (Uh...okay so my dislike for Jax is pretty epic. Sorry if you don't agree.)

All in all, bringing in Skye Q is a good move. Hopefully she'll live at the mansion so we keep getting the monthly trotting in of the Q patriarch and mansion owner. To say you're going to bring back the Q's leaves me to wonder if you don't actually have a current cast list. Edward, played by the incredibly lovable John Ingle and Monica, played by the beautiful Lesley Charleson are actually on your cast list currently. So...the comment would be better worded had you said "Bring OUT" instead of "Bring Back".

Just sayin'

I think Skye should dump Lila Rae on the Qs and tell Luke she is his kid and skip town. That would be hilarious watching Luke have to deal with some little girl and Tracy would be steaming mad!

He talks about soaps like a mad scientist from some 1950's B-movie. It's a little disturbing.

" Besides, we have so many others that Skye could actually hook up with.

Sonny comes to mind first. However, that puts Skye squarely in the midst of the mob. Well, it's not like she hasn't been there before. She seems to be quite fine with walking the line of right and wrong."

Oh God no. I've always appreciated Skye's Sonny hate and do not want to see her hooked up with that sleazy man. Besides when she left she wanted to escape mob violence.But it sounds like she will be hooked up with Luke which isn't much better. They were gross together. I liked Skye but TPTB rarely wrote good stories for her and seemed to be running out of ideas by the time she left. I'm not optimistic about her return.

I'm sorry why does Guza think anything he writes is new, cutting edge, different, etc. All I see here is a lot of crappy been there, done that writing.

As I said yesterday....Dear Bob...peddle your bullshit somewhere else!

I think I had a rage induced black out while reading this. Guza is a whack job.

Oh, the fuckery. Guza, go sell your crazy somewhere else. We don't want it here.

Guza is so damn crazy! In his last interview he was all talk about Genie Francis returning and Vanessa Marcil-he acts like it was all the fans that started a rumor about them returning. He can't remember from one interview to the next what is said. Fans were so excited with the
possible return of Genie Francis, yet he brings back Sky Q instead. I liked Skye and I think Luke and Skye had some chemitry, but of all the vets to bring back? I don't like Luke & Tracy , they are so boring and no romantic chemistry at all so bring on Skye and Luke for somelove scenes. If Genie Francis is just going to be a memory, then I'll settle for Skye giving Luke some life. With Tracy, he has been a dull old man with his hairpiece showing. They are growing his thin hair longer, maybe he is going to be more hip for Skye. He is only about 20 years older than Skye-he was 15 years older than Genie. Poor Jane Elliott, guess they will throw her some crumbs and make her the jealous wife again instead it will be over Skye instead of LAura/Genie. I hate that "Spanky Buns" crap. Theyare about as sexy as Ma and Pa Kettle to me. I can't even watch when Luke and Tracy try to give those forced dry kisses. Yuck! So, I will be watching Skye and Luke--At least I can see some sexual chemstry there if they can keep Tony G's hairpiece on straight with no parts coming unglued!!!

Can Guza hear himself with his head so far up his ass like that?

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