In Which Jackson Montgomery Preaches To The Choir
Today's episode of All My Children veered dangerously close to being an enjoyable hour of television, what with Greenlee and David hatching a scheme that is both entertaining and in character for both of them (not to mention, it fulfills a wish I had a year ago that the writers remember that the David/Greens relationship is an actual factual thing! So AMC does give the viewers what they want. They just do it months after the fact and, I'm guessing, completely accidentally. I refuse to believe that this surprisingly fun story has been written that way on purpose, because since when does this show do that? This was an absurdly long parenthetical notation. See, this is why I can't have a Twitter, because I talk too damn much for 140 character limits) and certain scenes featuring lots of gravelly-voiced truth-telling and breathy indignation. Luckily, Jake "Have I mentioned that I hate David Hayward recently? David. David! David? D!A!V!I!D!" Martin and Ryan "The Worst" Lavery were around to remind us that while there is the occasional hour of not-so-badness, the operative word there is "occasional".
But let's not gripe about the show's multifarious forms of lameness and focus instead on the exquisite scenes between Jackson and Erica. Why were they so exquisite? First and foremost, because it was just such a treat to have Walt Willey back (let's reflect for a moment on how sad it is that he was gone in the first place) and working with Susan Lucci. And ALSO because he managed to do what we've all wanted to do, which was corner Erica and say to her face, "Your latest romance is fucking disgusting and I can hardly stand to look at you without dry-heaving", although he said it in a more sophisticated manner. Let's take a look, shall we?
Erica: Ryan Lavery has been helping me at Fusion. He and I are partners?
Jack: Partners, is it?
Erica: Yes. I'm sure you're thinking Ryan Lavery isn't exactly an expert in cosmetics or anything like that--
Is it just me or could that sentence have simply been "I'm sure you're thinking Ryan Lavery isn't exactly an expert in cosmetics or anything"?
Erica: but in any other aspect of the business, he excels.
Business, Erica, or "business"? And with that, I just made myself gag. I'm sorry for that, friends.
Jack: Well, you always had more faith in him than I did.
Erica: With good reason, Jack. Professionally speaking, we are a very good team.
Jack: Good. It must be incredible. You know, word of your professional team work has made it all the way across the Atlantic.
As he brandished the tabloid with Ryan and Erica...Ryan and Ericaing on the cover, I had to ask myself if there is any tabloid in the world who would kiss sales goodbye by choosing to put those two on the cover! But then again, there are those magazines who put literal mutants on the cover and they seem to sell, despite being quite nearly as offensive as Ryan/Erica.
Jack: You think I'm jealous? You think that's why I dropped everything and jumped on a plane?
Erica: You don't have to admit it.
Jack: Have you given any thought to how this effects everyone else?
Erica: Who, Jack? The French are up in arms about this?
Jack: Not the whole country, no, but you've got a few family members who were taken aback by this. I saw Kendall and Bianca.
Erica: I spoke to Kendall and Bianca both. I spoke to them both, right after I made the public announcement of Ryan's and my relationship.
Jack: Did you speak to Spike?
Erica: Spike?! Of course not. I think he's a little young for all these complications.
Jack: Yeah, sure, but not too young to see a picture of you and his daddy kissing like that.
Erica: Spike saw that?!
Jack: No. No, thankfully he didn't.
Here, Jack seemed super relieved about the thousands of dollars in therapy Kendall and Zach were spared by this small mercy.
Jack: But he could have. He saw Kendall hiding it from him.
"And it wasn't easy for her to hide, since it was covered in vomit"
Jack: How is Kendall going to explain a thing like that? Her mommy and his daddy are sleeping together.
Erica: Oh, how dare you. How dare you use Spike to try to humiliate me about my relationship with Ryan? You should be ashamed of yourself. Why are you still here?
Jack: Because I care about you. I didn't come back here to humiliate you. Please explain something to me, though. What is this thing with Ryan?
Erica: Well, not that it's any of your business, not that I can even believe you're still here questioning me about this. I mean, if Kendall has a problem with this, why haven't I heard from her?
Jack: She's kind of busy. She's with her husband trying to put her family back together.
Raise your hand if you wished you could see this on-screen! But it's way more important that we have...Liza? And Krystal?
Jack: Look, the last thing she needs is an argument with you about sharing her former lover?
Erica: So she delegated this job to you? Oh, no, I don't think so. No, this is extremely personal. If you're not jealous, then what is this? Some sort of a form of loyalty to Greenlee, that no one should have the man she set her heart on, even though she's dead. Is that it?
Jack: Don't dismiss Greenlee like that.
Erica: I'm sorry, I didn't mean--the way it sounded, I didn't mean to sound callous, really.
I'm trying my best to interpret "even though she's dead" as anything but callous. I am failing at that.
Erica: Greenlee's wedding day was a tragedy
What part, Er? The part where she went off of a cliff on a motorcycle while in her bridal attire? Or the part where daytime television's first lesbian wedding took place and was a sham that saw a beloved character married to a wretch?
Erica: Look, I know what Greenlee meant to you. I've seen how hard you've been hit by her death.
Really? When? The six minutes he was on-screen following her death or when he was sent to storyline Siberia and off the show so that they could spend more time on crap like mourning Babe?
Jack: If I have any idea what Ryan's going through, it's because I was in his shoes. I've lost my heart. And yes, I am talking about you. You are hell to get over. You do know that, don't you?
Jack: Just let me finish. You are hell to get over, and Greenlee has been hell for Ryan to get over. What we had was life changing. And Erica, when something like that goes away, life is never the same. Ever. And then we look for escapes, any place we can find them.
Erica: So you think I can never be more than that for Ryan?
Jack: I'm not talking about Ryan anymore, I'm talking about you. Is he really the one? Can you honestly say that he is, or is he just a safe and easy escape?
Well, he IS easy.
Jack: Because what we had was hell to get over. Since when have you been so hard to convince? You deserve more.
So good! These two seriously work so well together. Now, do I let myself get excited for tomorrow's show, or do I do the smart thing and write this off as a rare, never duplicated show?