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« Sad Day for Days Fans | Main | BRB, Hitting Head Against Brick Wall »

February 05, 2010

The Defense Rests, Your Honor

AWESOME WRITER: So...Sonny shot a police officer in the chest.

BOB GUZA: And the police officer turned out to be his own son. His own son!

AWESOME WRITER: Yeah, the foreshadowing on that one was ludicrously obvious.

BOB GUZA: Thank you.

AWESOME WRITER: I'm just wondering...how is it possible that Sonny can come back from that? I can't imagine one reason why he wouldn't wind up in jail for that.

BOB GUZA: You can't imagine ONE reason? I came up with, like, MULTIPLE reasons:

1. Sonny can't go to jail, because he's claustrophobic!

Jason: You gotta leave for your kids. We both know that you cannot survive being locked up.

Prison would be really horrible for him, on account of the claustrophobia and all. That just wouldn't be fair.

2. If cops weren't such depraved, inept individuals

AWESOME WRITER: Did you get a word-a-day calendar for your birthday?

BOB GUZA: How did you know? Anyway, if the cops didn't suck so bad--

AWESOME WRITER: That sounds more like you...

BOB GUZA: --this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

Olivia: What I'm seeing right here, it confirms everything that Sonny ever told me about you guys, that you're more concerned about throwing a net over him than you are about protecting anybody else, including Dante, supposed to be one of your own.

3. Sonny is a good father. Good fathers don't belong in jail. They belong out of jail, doing things that good fathers do, like having picnics or talking about the Yankees after they order hits.

Jason: No. We got as far as the tarmac. He didn't want to get on the plane, because he doesn't wanna leave Dante.

Sam: Ok, well, that's not surprising. He could spend the rest of his life in prison. It's, yeah, pretty consistent.

Jason: What do you mean?

Sam: Well, it's just Sonny's always all about the kids.

ALL about the kids!

4. Uh, a fucking abuser thinks he should be in jail!

Kiefer:You need to stop stressing over your dad. Unless that's how you wanna spend the rest of your life. Because guess what. He is never gonna change. Sonny corinthos is a gangster. He's a killer. Maybe some good'll come out of this and he'll finally go to prison.

Do you want to be like a violent, moody, abusive jerk? No, you don't.

AWESOME WRITER: So you root against the violent, moody, abusive jerk by rooting for another violent, moody, abusive jerk.


5. Sonny feels INCREDIBLY guilty about shooting his own son.

Olivia: Hey, don't think that Sonny's getting away clean on this, without any consequences. He shot his own son. The guilt is gonna eat him up alive.

AWESOME WRITER: Yeah, because that's more punishment than actual punishment.

BOB GUZA: Exactly! And you know the final reason that Sonny can't go to jail for shooting Dante?

6. Because Dante lied and said Sonny didn't shoot him!

Dante: Ah, he wasn't there, so I waited for him. I knew he kept a gun in his desk drawer, and I didn't want him to use it to try and resist arrest, so I thought I'd take the precaution of unloading it. The gun jammed. I worked it free. It went off. Sonny came in.

BOB GUZA: TWIST ENDING, BITCHES! All I know is that I keep hearing "Bob Guza's done it again!" and "Bob Guza better clear a spot on his mantle for another Emmy".

AWESOME WRITER: Where have you heard that?

BOB GUZA: From people, in places.

AWESOME WRITER: Places like your journal?

BOB GUZA: Either way, it's being said.



This show is an asshole.

It's all the more infuriating when you think about how this show doesn't have to suck. The scene between Jax and Michael, brief as it was, I thought it was fairly powerful. And then I remembered that they were fighting over the Worst Character on Television who IS GETTING AWAY WITH SHOOTING A COP and I had to pour myself another drink.

Look, it was hard to even concentrate on the dialog between Carly and Jax since her mouth movements are out of control when she's upset. Her lips flip, flop, open wide and make all kinds of movements on their own or something. Every time Carly is in an uproar, usually having to do with defending her mobster ex, her lips take on a life of their own. Very distracting.

This show is such a steaming pile of shit. I'm so, so, so seeing red with rage about this ridiculous turn of events that I can't even see straight....and I haven't even watched today's show yet!!!!

Do I want to?


Will I?


argh. GH - why the hell can't I quit you, you stinky turd of a show! You pathetic excuse for drama!

So. Pissed.

I couldn't even make it through today's episode. Dominic/Dante was why I started watching GH again last year (along with the newly-tolerable Carly and Lulu). I should have known it was a matter of time before they completely ruined his character, but this has just been beyond my wildest expectations. I'm done.

Yes Sam, Sonny was especially ALL ABOUT YOUR BABY WITH HIM. Only, not. Asshat.

Spot on! I just can't watch this crap. It's always the SOS. The last two weeks I watched every episode of GH, the first time in years I watched that many GH episodes in a row. But I'm out.

Like Murtaugh says (according to HIMYM), "I'm too old for this stuff!"

Sonny gets off on shooting Dominic and he will get off on Claudia's murder because Michael was the actual killer. Why must every character on this show be corrupted by Sonny.

I haven't watched today's show yet, but apparently my dark prediction came true and Dante actually did lie to protect Sonny.

WHY. WOULD. HE. DO. THAT???????!!!!!!!!

He spent months gathering evidence to put Sonny in jail, then when he has the best evidence of all, he lets him escape punishment? All because Sonny was the sperm donor for Olivia? Suddenly that's more important to Dante than upholding the law and punishing the man who killed his childhood role model?

How can I be surprised and outraged continually by the show that killed of both Georgie and Emily in the span of a month using a character who was killed on-screen months earlier? It's a mystery, but this show still has the ability to shock and enrage me. I haven't missed a show in weeks, but I can't bring myself to watch today's show.

And maybe it's finally time for that GH vacation I've been meaning to take. Every time I think this show can't get any worse, it does. I don't want to be watching when Sonny gets the Father of the Year Award and Jason is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize...

I read somewhere that GH is the lowest ranked soap opera out there. I could be wrong but if this is true, they certainly deserve it.

As for Sonny's "why me" moping about it's everybody else's fault and how he wouldn't have done it if he had known...I take a quote from a wise sage as I rub my two fingers together to play the world's smallest violin-"cry me a river, bitch."

This makes me feel like I am full of rage. Dante... Dante you are a stupid fucking idiot and I am so pissed.

No no no no. Just no. I haven't watched the episodes yet, but how can all Dante said suddenly be gone just because he learns that Sonny's penis is in working order? We all already new that. Knew that well in fact. Because he boinked FIFTEEN year old Olivia he's suddenly absolved for murdering Dante's childhood idol / mentor? For Claudia's murder? (Dante doesn't know MIchael did it.) For countless other criminal activities - including shooting another human being point blank in the chest, with a smirk no less!?!?!?

I'm sure this won't result in some moral delimma / revelation for Sonny where he leaves the mob and tries to make up for the attempted murder of his son, oh no. It will result in Dante throwing Olivia under the bus as the bad guy here and suddenly deciding to follow in Sonny's footsteps after all.


Now I remember why I quit this stupid f-ing show. Why oh why did I return? The eye candy isn't worth it. Especially now that Greg Vaughn is gone, JT's scenes usually include that annoying dr. chick, and cutie pie Steve Weber is always hidden by a gargantuan lab coat (but his glasses are SO adorable!).

And I'm regretting that hesitant optimism from just a few days ago. Ugh, ugh UGH.
I should've known.

I just don't get why Sonny can't spend time in jail.

On AMC and OLTL both Erica Kane and Todd Manning went to jail and spent months on our screen in jail. Todd was almost executed.

It's one thing to have a morally corrupt character on a show and let the viewers know that he can be punished and then its quite another to stick your tongue out at us and say we don't care, he's our hero and he'll never pay for his crimes...now there.

As for Carly, she is the worst character ever on a soap, and Jax was a fool to marry her. He's getting what he deserves and hopefully he'll take his daughter and move on from that banshee.

As for Scrubs, I'm afraid that we're about to see how stupid, blind and manipulated they can be by this Lisa chick. Hey, I have an idea, put Lisa with Jax since he likes women that have the hots for other guys.

WTF? I could only stomach the first few mintues of this show...once I realized that Dante was going to lie and Oliva was going to help. I was like...I could be doing something else. I was too through with this show! Didn't most everyone one in the hospital hear him say yell out "I shot my own son!" Of course since Dante was becoming the moral compass of this show and quickly surpassing Sonney they had to ruin his character. Then why was Oliva so gunho in seeing Sonny free anyway especially after he nearly killed her son. The son she wanted to protect from his lifestyle. I thought she would aleast tell the truth and they have Dante be conflicted. But no Sonny is going to get away with it all period. And I don't want to watch anymore. What can they do with Dante's character is completely ruin for me as a cop, now. This show couldn't write a balance storyline if their lives depended on it.

And sadly...they actually RAISED the ratings for that week so you know what??? THEY WILL READ THIS AS ENCOURAGEMENT!!!! They'll think this is what we want!!!!!

Forget pouring me a drink....I'm buying out the whole liquor store!

I think I read in one of the magazines that Dante is convinced that Sonny is going to jail on the murder charges so that's why he lied...but typical GH in that they leave the explanations in the stories of magaines and not on the screen where we could see it. Although even if they did put that on the screen, they still managed to make Dante a stupid cop because really...has he done any research into Sonny/Jason's previous "trials"? You can go in with actual tapes on them committing the crime and THEY WILL STILL GET OFF! PILE ON THE CHARGES DANTE! PILE THEM ON!

Of course I'm still trying to figure out why Dante couldn't dig up any information to bring RICCO charges but ohhh boy he got all the murder evidence.

This is why Sonny cannot go to jail: he is claustrophobic, cannot handle jail, and it would hurt his kids. As for our overcrowded prisons, NONE of the occupants are claustrophobic, they can all handle prison, and their being in prison in no way hurts their kids. Only Sonny needs this special exception.

Okay, I've calmed down about this now. You know how you're supposed to hold a picture of something wonderful in your mind to help you relax? I'm picturing Olivia and Sonny blowing up in his limo, and Dante waking up from a coma and realizing that he dreamed about lying to protect Sonny. It's helping, really it is...

So, Dumte told the cops he shot himself. In the chest. At point blank range. With a gun he had unloaded but decided to point at himself because it jammed. A cop. And the other cops bought it.


See, THIS is the reason why I never bother to even praise this show when it's even reaching remote levels of goodness. You know where's it's going as soon as it plays out. Mob boys cute and cuddly, cops dumb as fence posts.


I just dont get why Sonny cant go to jail either!!! It would make him so much more uhhhh, tolerable (maybe?) by those of us who despise the sight of him if he was convicted of something..anything..and oh wow how amazing if it is for one of the actual horrendous crimes that he did commit, such as ..hmm I dont know..killing PEOPLE!!

I mean if he were jailed nothing would change anyway, he would have visitors daily (see Anthony Zacchara) and he would probably be hallowed by the warden and prison guards immediately anyway so Guza could still have him worshipped from there as well.

I mean seriously why absolutely ruin the awesomeness of Dominic/Dante by having him lie to protect the MAN WHO JUST SHOT HIM IN THE CHEST!!??? Then, I don't know, how good would it be to have us, THEN, watch Dominic feels some type of remorse or guilt afterwards for having put his "just announced" father in jail. No.. instead he claims he shot himself...uuurrghhhh.

Most of you are resigned..Knowing full well that this is where it would eventually go, but unfortunately I'm still in an emotionally charged rage over this debaucle.

I still...Just...CANT.. Understand...why???

Sonny got off the hook for shooting someone...I am shocked. Wow what an original and interesting story. Great job Guza you no talent hack you.

That last line cracks my shit up. It perfectly captures the self-delusion I prefer to believe Bob Guza suffers from.

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