The change in All My Children since Lorraine Broderick's work started to air is readily apparent. Characters are acting the way you'd expect them to act, given their histories and personalities, the dialogue is better and I haven't even contemplated calling a poison control center after watching a full episode (I feel like Mr. Yuk would certainly consider some of Charles Pratt's AMC to be auditory poison!), which is quite obviously a good thing, but...
(Yes, yes, I know. I know! There is always a "but"! I truly am impossible to please!)
she's only the show's interim writer, and will soon be followed by David Kreizman and Donna Swajeski, who...well, I am trying (half-heartedly, but still) not to pre-judge, so I will just say that recent AMC history has told me that new headwriters wind up being even worse than their already terrible predecessors, so I don't have high hopes, and the quality of the show now seems like it will be a blip of goodness before going back to, well, Pine Valley as we know it, and as Smokey Robinson and The Miracles opined, "A taste of honey is worse than none at all".
And the end of Friday's episode? An extra delicious taste of honey. Come on, it was a wedding between the town's supervillain and a woman everybody thought was dead! Even the priest who officiated the ceremony was like, "This could not possibly rule any harder".
Vincent Irizarry and Rebecca Budig work so damn well together, and always have--their friendship has been delightful for ages, and this go-round has just been fantastic. Recent David Hayward has been far too evil (see: being sort of responsible for Stuart's murder) and smarmy (see: everything, ever, related to Amanda), but his devotion to Greenlee really humanizes him.
Greenlee: I don't have a gift for you.
David: Oh, are you kidding me? You've already given me your friendship, your trust. And you survived. You're walking again. That's the greatest gift of all.
Sweet, right? Either that, or I am such a sucker for Leo references that I blindly love anything about the scenes including those references.
Greenlee: It's Leo's St. Christopher medallion.
David: He stopped wearing it for some reason. I found it in a box of his things after he -- well, after he was gone.
Greenlee: David, this is so special. Thank you so much.
Which is entirely possible, because I loved Leo, like...a lot. A whole lot.
At any rate, this story has made his snarkiness and delight in screwing with the rest of Pine Valley entertaining, when just a few weeks ago it irked me to no end.
Jake: Well, I'm not waiting for the wedding. And I'm not really buying into any of this mystery bride crap. You're up to something, and I don't think it has anything to do with the wedding. What, is it -- you're going to, what, attack -- attack my family again, or what?
David: Whoa, whoa, we're talking big-time paranoia here. I had corn flakes for breakfast this morning. Was that a plot against your family, too?
And his cruelty to Ryan is just...well, it's the best, is what it is.
David: I stuffed something extra into Ryan's invitation -- a dead butterfly.
That is just amazingly mean. I love it.
I also loved most of the fashion choices at the wedding, if by "loved" you mean, "Shouted, 'Whaaaaaat?!' at the sight of".
Like, Erica? How can a woman so small have that much hair on her head without experiencing chronic neck pain?
Krystal, meanwhile, looked like a modern Belle Watling.
What is that hair? When Opal, the show's designated Wacky One, looks better than you on the regular, there is a serious problem.
But bad hair seems to be a Carey family trait, because Marissa's bangs bug me to no end.
I feel like she can either be the most useless, bland character on television OR have horrendous, matronly hair, but not both!
Liza's dress was mostly inoffensive, especially compared to some of the getups they've made her wear in the past (LILAC COLORED SATIN BLOUSE!), and I didn't love the hair, but I keep thinking about how much they obviously hate Jamie Luner in makeup, hair and wardrobe and imagining how bad it could have been, so I'll just give this a mild thumbs-up.
And then there was the exclamation of, "Whaaaat?!" in a good way
If Chrishell Stause weren't so sweet and adorable in general, I'd have to hate her for being so gorgeous. Although, even if I hated her, I'd still have to give her props for the hilarious "WTF?" face she made during David's vows.
So, okay, the soapy event itself: half a dozen people attended, all grumbling about attending. Like, they all would have gathered somewhere to talk about how much they hate David anyway, now they are just doing it in formal wear.
Jake: It's starting to feel like we're in a horror movie. They're going to lock the door and start killing us off one by one.
Jake, we couldn't be so lucky.
And Greenlee, wearing the world's thickest veil, walks down the aisle.
You may scoff and say that is ridiculous, but is it really more ridiculous than the outfit she wore at her last wedding before she took off on a motorcycle and flew over a cliff? No.
Jesse, proving his worth as police chief, bent down to try and investigate the identity of the woman under thirty pounds of tulle with a very, "This is serious police business" face.
David said some very sweet vows
David: We found each other. Was it by accident? I suppose it was. But we've always been there for each other. This time, it was during the lowest points of our respective lives. But in each other, we found the will to live, to go on. We found a reason to stay and fight. We found a friend, someone we could open up to, someone whom we could share our deepest fears and our most heart-wrenching memories. We found someone to trust. Above all, trust. That is something we both have been denied so many times in our lives. I will never desert you. I will never let you down. I will always protect you. This is my vow. This is my promise to you right here and now.
And then Jack ran in, all ultra dramatic and anguished, and gave a very Nancy Kerrigan, "What are you doing? Why? WHY?"
And Greenlee, to the shock of everyone assembled, took her veil off and gave a perfectly timed, "I'm getting married, Dad"
before Ryan walked in and saw her, and was shocked!
Or, at least I think that was supposed to be shocked. His shock looks very similar to his "I am remembering Greenlee"
and his "What's that ringing noise?"
and his "I can hear someone's voice on the other end of this! Where is that voice coming from?!"
What did you think, folks: Was this good soap or was it merely a few moments of awesome on the very long road to Rylee Part 834435? Is there any chance that the show will do David and Greenlee for real? What did Jamie Luner actually do to the wardrobe department? Does she owe them money? Will Jake ever have another line that doesn't include David's name?