Alas, What Could've Been (Etc.)
The last few episodes of One Life to Live have been somewhat... blah. Maybe it's just the calm after the storm, or it's just not a sweeps month, but watching Gigi and Rex talk in circles and watching Roxy try to get rid of someone while not letting on that she's under duress and watching about 35 things almost happen -- none of that is my idea of a good time. But do you know what is my idea of a good time?
Kim and Dorian.
How perfect was it that Kim was saying to Dead Stacey that she'd never have another friend like her in a million years and then Dorian awesomely entered immediately? If we weren't losing Kim, I'd take it either way: a Dorian/Kim friendship or a Dorian/Kim rivalry. Either one would be epic. They could be a mentor/protege pairing and trade fashion and gold-digging tips! Or we could have the Battle of the Bitchy Brown-eyed Brunettes!
In other wistful news, we are now short one Gannon, as Tuesday was Rachel's last day on the show (or at least the latest Rachel's last day), which means we will never get a Rachel/Schuyler pairing. Their last scene together was a bit hilarious, with Schuyler at his most twitchy, eye-darting extreme and Rachel being all, "Huh, I guess if you say nothing's wrong, whatevs! I have an ex-boyfriend right here in Llanview that no one's ever heard of who I'm going to take back to Chicago to put into rehab 'cause we all know there's no effective rehab facility here in the totally non-addiction-prone Northeast! Peace out, I'll be back in a few... or never!" Perhaps she'll go join some other folks who left town for a bit... Antonio?
So let me get this straight. Rex will do anything to help Gigi get custody of Sierra Rose (who, despite having just been born and having been under only one person's care for about two days, already has her own monogrammed blankies!), anything at all! Except go to City Hall and in-name-only marry her. I swoon.
Teen Jess is starting to wear thin. I thought it was cute at first because it gave us a little stroll down memory lane, and was pretty funny even though she was acting closer to 13 and it required us to suspend record volumes of disbelief. (I enjoyed "I can't believe you married my sister!" "Yeah, well, you married my brother." "Was there anyone else?" "Your cousin," etc., and the fact that even Teen Jess has to see what she sees when Brody takes off his shirt ...that was a small piece of stellar, admit it!) If you need a refresher:
But at the end of the day, the real problem here is the fact that Jessica Buchanan was born on this show and has been at least tied to a major storyline virtually her entire life, but for some reason in the present day they are unable to write a story for this character unless she is not this character. There is something very wrong with that. And I fail to understand why Marty has told everyone in town that they need to indulge Teen Jessica's behavior while simultaneously openly acknowledging that she's lost 13 years of her life. Instead of trying to convince Jess that she needs to move on from Cris, or engaging in little arguments with her as if she's not a crazy person, someone needs to grab her and say, "You are 30 years old and everyone you speak to knows that and only sees you as a sick woman who's acting 13, not a freaking potential love interest." And as for her sister Natalie? I can't even. I shouldn't be surprised, of course, since Jessica got even less time to grieve for Nash before we launched into more D.I.D. nonsense than Natalie got to grieve for her own dead husband, but honestly. Natalie is at her most unbearable when she is pitted against another woman for the affections of that malcontent John McBain who, I might add, has dropped Natalie's ass unceremoniously more than once. As much as I loved (more than I can say) the fact that OLTL's St. Patrick's Day lasted three straight days (particular evidence to me that the show is written by New Yorkers), the longing looks at the bar between John and Natalie last week gave me serious "quit this show" urges.
Because my soul cannot bear the weight of the high school musical storyline (though, in a related story, I do love how Ford is just officially an unrepentant player of the worst kind and is essentially giving Langston exactly what she deserves), and because I just do not and cannot care about whatever this business is with Kelly and Todd over at The Sun, and because I'm still trying to decide if it's even worth it to wake up early enough tomorrow morning to go to the Save Kish rally, I will try to just leave you all with one nice memory from the week.
Blair and Eli had their first date! They kissed goodnight! He talked about his first crush! He learned that Blair is far from a spoiled princess! They've got hot covered, and now they're starting to get adorable covered, too. I kind of love it.
As a postscript, I have to gush that a couple weeks ago I went to see Mike Lowry (ex-Ross) and his excellent AC/DC cover band (Done Dirt Cheap) play at a bar in Hell's Kitchen. They were unreasonable amounts of awesome fun (I cannot wait to go see them again), but extra-stellar was the fact that Matt Walton (Eli) was also there. Yes, I am that much of a dork that I was giddy that they played brothers on the show and are buddies in real life. I was also giddy to learn that both of them (and my friend quite agreed) are even hotter in person. Way hotter.