Bad Idea Jeans
Until I read a news headline saying something along the lines of "Actor Drew Garrett finally arrested after his years-long crime spree of child-stalking, kitten murder and Epiphany/Spinelli fanfic writing" or hear backstage gossip that he was being mean to Braden Walkes and tormenting the cast and crew by singing Nickelback songs in between takes, I am going to remain on the record as thinking there is no earthly reason for them to rush the recast of Michael so that a brand new stranger is the one having pivotal scenes confessing to killing Claudia. Like, it couldn't have waited until the end of the week?
To be fair, it IS entirely possible that the emergency recast was necessary, but I have no direct knowledge about that and lots of direct knowledge about the spectacular ineptitude of the people in charge of General Hospital, so I can't help but add this to the list of this show's bad ideas. It's just so...jarring.
Michael: You're not a very good cop, are you?
Dante: Well, I'm not hearing anything convincing.
Michael: No, you want it to be dad, because you want to be right. You built this case and you don't want to see your big investigation count for nothing.
Dante: You know, I doubt that's even Claudia's blood, and even if it is, I'm sure it got on there some other way.
Michael: Don't you wonder why Jason let Franco hang around as long as he did? It's because he had photos of me kneeling beside Claudia's dead body. Franco was outside the cabin that night, but no one saw him and Jason couldn't kill him because he would have turned those photos over to the cops.
Dante: That's some story.
Michael:Ever since that night, everyone has been trying to cover for me for something I did. My mom, Sam, Jason, but my dad has done the most. He took the blame and now he's on trial risking everything for me. Do you still think my dad is a piece of garbage?
Yes, I still do Random Boy--I mean, Michael. But more importantly, I kept having to remind myself what was going on whenever the show went back to you and Dante, because I kept thinking, "Who IS this kid?" and "Why is he saying that he killed Claudia? Michael killed Claudi...oh, right", and it was seriously disorienting. It would have been better for poor Chad Duell (seriously, this poor boy has a tough time ahead of him, stepping into a role that won his predecessor lots of acclaim and I am trying so, so hard to be fair and non-judgmental, even though that completely goes against everything I stand for) and the audience if he didn't get thrown right into these meaty, story-changing scenes.
On the plus side...Chad Duell is insanely tall, to the point where it's even noticeable when he and Dominic Zamprogna are sitting next to each other.
I totally cannot even wait for his first scenes with Maurice Benard (assuming that they are ever actually filmed in the same frame, that is). I should start stockpiling clever Weeble jokes now, in case I can't think of anything witty through my peals of laughter.
The rest of the show was almost completely unremarkable.
- Carly and Claire sparred, and while Claire is strident and irksome, not even she can compare to Carly on the warpath. She got a few nice digs in about the cluster that is the Sonny/Carly union, but Carly matched her word for word, with extraordinary smugness and fury.
Claire: You want to talk about twisting words? You just committed perjury to defend a mob kingpin who makes your children targets, who got one of them shot. What kind of mother are you?
Carly: The kind of mother who knows how to play the jury. And you're choking on it. You tried every trick in the book to get me flustered and mess up my testimony, but it didn't work. I beat you.
- Maya went to Luke for guidance about how to deal with Edward and his need to control everybody around him. Maya is so lovely and I love reminiscing about Mary Mae, even if it does have the unintended consequence of depressing me with memories of how good this show once was...
- Skye (whose presence in Port Charles I still can't explain) talked to Jax about his vendetta against Sonny and how it's creating all sorts of misery, and if we're being completely honest with each other, which we are, because we're friends, I was paying maybe 25% attention to all of this.
- Which is more attention than I paid to everything Maxie related. While it IS hilarious to have Jason play completely unwilling relationship counselor and react all confused and uncomfortable to all of Maxie's lines about actually wanting a bad boy and not Spinelli, I am exhausted by these two and their romance. Actually, that's not the right word; it's more hate-filled than exhausted. I remember a time when I adored Maxie. It feels so long ago that when I think about it, my memories are all in sepia! And now...now, the sound of her high-pitched babbling about who knows what and why, is going to be high on the list of stressors that may send me on a crime spree.
- Johnny is looking for a new place to live, after he and Olivia adorably house-hunted, he told her that he thought that they should have a life together and she pretty much stamped on his heart and set it on fire. Or did the slightly less melodramatic thing and said, "I'm sorry John, that could never happen" and it was all very strange. Poor Johnny, who had just been gazing at her adoringly!
There were, however, a few exciting things. Very few, and perhaps not "exciting" and more "not completely horrifying and/or boring", but still. Like, we saw the elusive Matt Hunter!
So that was exciting. And the noble patient who is going to change Elizabeth's life taught Patrick how to dance and anyone who sat through Night Shift knows just how necessary this impromptu lesson was, since Patrick often dances as though his arms and legs are being controlled by two different people who are both a step or two of the beat of the song they're listening to.
There was also a strange scene between Patrick and Claire at Jake's. Once you got past wondering why Claire would be at the bar (or, as she called it, "local pub") owned by one of her jurors and after the you almost certainly rolled your eyes after Patrick started talking about Robin and Sonny's friendship (my soft-spot for Dr. Drake is well documented, but he is the biggest gossip in Port Charles), their conversation led to some nice truth-telling about the town's noble mobster.
Patrick: Robin has a long history with Sonny. She has a way of overlooking the bad and only seeing the good. She romanticizes Sonny. I don't. I think Sonny's dangerous. And he hides behind all of the innocent people who line up to protect him.
Claire: It's pretty smart. It makes it impossible to go after Sonny without doing damage to the people who love him.
Patrick: That's right. They all enable him. They don't realize or care that they're part of the cycle that perpetuates the damage. But you have a distinct advantage.
Claire: How so?
Patrick: You have no emotional ties to any of those people. It frees you up to go after Sonny any way you can. I have to admit that, as a father who is planning to raise his daughter in Port Charles and doesn't want her hit by a stray bullet from a mob shootout, I hope to god you do what you can to put Sonny in jail where he belongs.
Whenever somebody says that Sonny belongs in jail, an angel gets its wings. So, um, obviously there are not very many winged angels out there...