I Swear On My Mother's Life (No, really.)
Seriously, I swear on my mother's life that no living human would ever be attracted to the current state of being that is one Miss Jessica Brennan. I can say that with total confidence, and have no idea why Cris couldn't. It is unfathomable to me that Brody still wants her, it is inexplicable that Cris can't just tell her to get the hell away from him, it is beyond comprehension that Layla is feeling threatened. I am just waiting for the moment that Brody sits and listens to her talk for five minutes straight and then says, "Oh. Yeah.... nevermind all that." She doesn't act like a seventeen-year-old girl with a soul and a conscience and regular teen weaknesses and crushes and neuroses, she acts like a 12-year-old sociopath. Whoever it was that pushed Marty down the stairs and killed Melinda and... whatshisname... should make sure she has a little accident on prom night. Speaking of prom night, Kelly Cramer's best moment of her entire return happened today when Jessica told her she was going to the prom:
This is how everyone should look at Jess. Every time she opens her incredibly irritating mouth. I'm seriously at this point thinking Clint and Viki might just kick her out of the house because they can't take it anymore. (And can we also talk about the awesomeness of the ginormous mural of Roxy on the wall of the salon? I couldn't love it more. I simply couldn't. Not that I'm loving Roxy too much at the moment, considering she just advised her kind-of daughter to make an ultimatum-based play for a man whose girlfriend just miscarried their baby a few days ago, but good old Rox never claimed to be one for timing or tact.)
Come to think of it, maybe it's Teen Jess herself who pushed Marty down the stairs and killed Melinda and... whatshisname (it's hard to care). Perhaps she'll be revealed as the culprit sometime in the next few days, through song and dance. Because, you know...
I'm sure I don't speak for everyone when I talk about how giddy I am for this, but I am. I missed the first one (I pretty much missed any episode that aired in summers from 1998-2007, that's my confession, and I think perhaps it was in 2007?) and I honestly don't feel any loss for that, but this looks like cheesy, ridiculous insanity.
Trust me, check back in this space soon; I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about whatever this is that's about to happen on our screens. In the meantime, congrats to all the OLTL Emmy nominees (Brian Kerwin, Bree Williamson, Scott Clifton, and the many directors and designers), and of course a moment of silence for Brett Claywell not being on that list.