"Loser" About Sums It Up
One of my newest goals in life is to get more and more people to watch Parks and Recreation which is absolutely genius, and I plan to do this by inserting references to P&R into blog posts and everyday conversation so that you'll think to yourselves, "Hmm, maybe if I watch that show, I'll get that joke!" and then you'll watch the episode in question, and get hooked and then maybe more than forty people will tune in! Because it really is fantastic, and I know that I have given you literally no reason to trust my judgment when it comes to television (Exhibit A: All My Children. Exhibit B: General Hospital. Exhibit C: The Young and the Restless circa now. Exhibit D: Lifetime Movie Network. Exhibit E: The unfortunate time that I spent an entire day watching crappy and horrifying documentaries on E! and while I have that on my mind, can someone explain to me what "When Husbands Kill" has to do with entertainment? And also what Kendra Wilkinson has to do with entertainment, although I know you won't have any answers as to the latter because that entire phenomenon is just inexplicable).
Where was I? Oh, right, warning you about multiple references to Parks and Recreation. So, on this one episode, Leslie Knope is terrified about the prospect of having a disastrous first date, and her cell phone rings and she lets out this scream of horror and chucks the phone across the room.
That, my friends, is the exact reaction I have when I look at my DVR's synopsis of AMC. "Liza has it out with Damon". "Tad gets unexpected news". "Erica makes the wrong choice". "Marissa may give JR another chance". "Ryan". How is any of that supposed to entice me to watch my recording rather than throw my remote across the room and run away, screaming?
The problem with Damon being on so often (and it seems like he's on a whole lot, doesn't it? Especially since when he's not physically on-screen, people are talking about him) is that he has no redeeming qualities. Like...at all. Which I feel like we're supposed to ignore on account of the ADHD, but really, was there anybody watching who didn't applaud or nod their head in agreement when Liza said the following?
Liza: Colby, Damon is a loser. He doesn't deserve you, and he definitely didn't deserve to be a father.
I was all excited to see that they are finally redeeming Liza after her fiasco of a return to the show, but it turns out that we're not supposed to be on her truth-speaking side. We're supposed to be aghast at how cruel she was to poor, innocent Damon, who has the biggest case of sass-mouth this side of Drew Garrett's Michael Corinthos, and who uses violence to act out on his feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and thirst. Why on earth is Colby so hung up on him and not any other guy in Pine Valley? I need to stop thinking about this in case my memory drifts to Petey and then I'll get annoyed all over again that he's not on the show...
(Also, how lazy were the writers in getting rid of Baby Stuart? Like, they all of a sudden realized that it's less entertaining for their new version of Tad the Cad to have a kid, so they just hurriedly had Bailey call and admit to a paternity lie. First of all, way to not even hide the lack of effort you are putting into this, writers. And secondly, it does not make me feel bad for Damon! Stop trying to make Damon happen!)
I have been pro-David and Greenlee ever since there was the slightest inkling that their coupling could take off for real, and there is something adorable about watching them plot to ruin the rest of Pine Valley and delight each other in their schemes, and it is very in character for both of them and Erica has been acting underhanded and shady throughout her feud with Greenlee as well, so it's not like she's an innocent little flower BUT--the Miranda Center should be off limits in any and all scheming.
Madison: Well, they're saying that she took cash from the Miranda line profits, and instead of giving them to the center, that she's injecting it into Fusion Glam.
It's just so...dirty and wrong, considering what Miranda means to Erica, and the show and the viewers, and considering that all of the illegal and unfortunate events that went down with Miranda went down BECAUSE DAVID'S DAUGHTER STOLE HER, SO SERIOUSLY, STEP THE HELL OFF.
It says a lot about how (overly?) invested I was in that story that I got so heated about that, and had nary a reaction to David's tampering with Erica's plane. I mean, come on, it's Erica Kane! She can survive a plane crash. Her hair will protect her from hair trauma.
Jacob Young and Melissa Claire Egan have fantastic chemistry, and JR and Annie together is so wrong that it's...well, it's still wrong, but you can sort of see how it would work.
Adam Mayfield and Melissa Claire Egan ALSO have great chemistry, and with the revelation that Scott is not as squeaky clean as we've been led to believe, he's gotten a whole lot more interesting.
And then there is Marissa, who would probably really annoy me for being such a whiner and a pushover if I could just manage to watch one of her scenes in their entirety without being juvenile and saying "ZZZZZZZZZZZZ" out loud to let everybody know how utterly boring I find her to be. Um, I mean that I let everybody know in a symbolic way, because there is nobody actually watching me make a fool of myself like that, and why I am I admitting this to all of you?
What I am trying to say is that there is no reason for this to be a quadrangle. It could be a semi-entertaining triangle between Annie and the two Chandlers, and Marissa...I don't know, I'd like it if she and her mother were written off the show but I am not that lucky, so maybe she can just fade into the background and make random appearances when a character needs to unburden their soul to someone who will answer them in a bland, pleasant tone of voice.
So, Jake and Amanda are getting remarried, and yes, I am excited, because when the writing for them is good, they're very cute, and also because soap weddings almost always have glorious(-ly bad) fashions, but the bigger questions is: Did this actually happen?
Tad: Oh, yeah. I would wreck that chick.