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« This Show Is So Broken | Main | And the Word of the Week is: "Finally!" »

May 23, 2010

"Loser" About Sums It Up

One of my newest goals in life is to get more and more people to watch Parks and Recreation which is absolutely genius, and I plan to do this by inserting references to P&R into blog posts and everyday conversation so that you'll think to yourselves, "Hmm, maybe if I watch that show, I'll get that joke!" and then you'll watch the episode in question, and get hooked and then maybe more than forty people will tune in! Because it really is fantastic, and I know that I have given you literally no reason to trust my judgment when it comes to television (Exhibit A: All My Children. Exhibit B: General Hospital. Exhibit C: The Young and the Restless circa now. Exhibit D: Lifetime Movie Network. Exhibit E: The unfortunate time that I spent an entire day watching crappy and horrifying documentaries on E! and while I have that on my mind, can someone explain to me what "When Husbands Kill" has to do with entertainment? And also what Kendra Wilkinson has to do with entertainment, although I know you won't have any answers as to the latter because that entire phenomenon is just inexplicable).

Where was I? Oh, right, warning you about multiple references to Parks and Recreation. So, on this one episode, Leslie Knope is terrified about the prospect of having a disastrous first date, and her cell phone rings and she lets out this scream of horror and chucks the phone across the room.

That, my friends, is the exact reaction I have when I look at my DVR's synopsis of AMC. "Liza has it out with Damon". "Tad gets unexpected news". "Erica makes the wrong choice". "Marissa may give JR another chance". "Ryan". How is any of that supposed to entice me to watch my recording rather than throw my remote across the room and run away, screaming?

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The problem with Damon being on so often (and it seems like he's on a whole lot, doesn't it? Especially since when he's not physically on-screen, people are talking about him) is that he has no redeeming qualities. Like...at all. Which I feel like we're supposed to ignore on account of the ADHD, but really, was there anybody watching who didn't applaud or nod their head in agreement when Liza said the following?

Liza: Colby, Damon is a loser. He doesn't deserve you, and he definitely didn't deserve to be a father.

I was all excited to see that they are finally redeeming Liza after her fiasco of a return to the show, but it turns out that we're not supposed to be on her truth-speaking side. We're supposed to be aghast at how cruel she was to poor, innocent Damon, who has the biggest case of sass-mouth this side of Drew Garrett's Michael Corinthos, and who uses violence to act out on his feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and thirst. Why on earth is Colby so hung up on him and not any other guy in Pine Valley? I need to stop thinking about this in case my memory drifts to Petey and then I'll get annoyed all over again that he's not on the show...

(Also, how lazy were the writers in getting rid of Baby Stuart? Like, they all of a sudden realized that it's less entertaining for their new version of Tad the Cad to have a kid, so they just hurriedly had Bailey call and admit to a paternity lie. First of all, way to not even hide the lack of effort you are putting into this, writers. And secondly, it does not make me feel bad for Damon! Stop trying to make Damon happen!)

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I have been pro-David and Greenlee ever since there was the slightest inkling that their coupling could take off for real, and there is something adorable about watching them plot to ruin the rest of Pine Valley and delight each other in their schemes, and it is very in character for both of them and Erica has been acting underhanded and shady throughout her feud with Greenlee as well, so it's not like she's an innocent little flower BUT--the Miranda Center should be off limits in any and all scheming.

Madison: Well, they're saying that she took cash from the Miranda line profits, and instead of giving them to the center, that she's injecting it into Fusion Glam.

It's just so...dirty and wrong, considering what Miranda means to Erica, and the show and the viewers, and considering that all of the illegal and unfortunate events that went down with Miranda went down BECAUSE DAVID'S DAUGHTER STOLE HER, SO SERIOUSLY, STEP THE HELL OFF.

It says a lot about how (overly?) invested I was in that story that I got so heated about that, and had nary a reaction to David's tampering with Erica's plane. I mean, come on, it's Erica Kane! She can survive a plane crash. Her hair will protect her from hair trauma.

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Jacob Young and Melissa Claire Egan have fantastic chemistry, and JR and Annie together is so wrong that it's...well, it's still wrong, but you can sort of see how it would work.

Adam Mayfield and Melissa Claire Egan ALSO have great chemistry, and with the revelation that Scott is not as squeaky clean as we've been led to believe, he's gotten a whole lot more interesting.

And then there is Marissa, who would probably really annoy me for being such a whiner and a pushover if I could just manage to watch one of her scenes in their entirety without being juvenile and saying "ZZZZZZZZZZZZ" out loud to let everybody know how utterly boring I find her to be. Um, I mean that I let everybody know in a symbolic way, because there is nobody actually watching me make a fool of myself like that, and why I am I admitting this to all of you?

What I am trying to say is that there is no reason for this to be a quadrangle. It could be a semi-entertaining triangle between Annie and the two Chandlers, and Marissa...I don't know, I'd like it if she and her mother were written off the show but I am not that lucky, so maybe she can just fade into the background and make random appearances when a character needs to unburden their soul to someone who will answer them in a bland, pleasant tone of voice.

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So, Jake and Amanda are getting remarried, and yes, I am excited, because when the writing for them is good, they're very cute, and also because soap weddings almost always have glorious(-ly bad) fashions, but the bigger questions is: Did this actually happen?

Tad: Oh, yeah. I would wreck that chick.

Disgust!

Comments

I have two disagreements: first, the notion that the Miranda Center is off limits. What would have made it sacrosanct was it's reason for being: to honor the memory of a dead child, but.... the child isn't dead. So now it's just a great charity. If Bianca's dumbass can forgive Babe and Krystal, the true perpetrators of Dead Baby Lies 2005, if she and her mother actually confide in Tad after the revelation of the MiraBess switch, then can bite me over any indignation they about David's involvement.

Second, Jake and Amanda suck toxic balls 24/7.\

Otherwise great AMC post!

Marissa needs to take her thrashy mom and move to Iceland where they hopefully choke on some volcanic ashes.
I can't bear to watch Marissa going around blaming everyone for JR sleeping with Annie except...you know, JR.

Scott and Annie don't put me to sleep like JR and Marissa does but, DAYUM, Jacob Young and MCE are just too explosive. Is that why TPTB are giving us so few scenes between JR and Annie so to make Scott actually look like a viable threat? Well it's not working for this viewer, 5 seconds of JR and Annie snarking is worth 10 times that of Scott and Annie spending half an episode bonding over what a bad guy Scott is.

Damon is a loser and I'm on team Liza. What mother would want their daughter to be with a loser like that?

first time commenting and I just wanted to say that your columns kick ass.

I love Parks & Rec! Love it to pieces! Andy telling that old nurse, "Dude, don't even try to kiss me!" made me laugh so hard my sides hurt. Is the actor who plays Mark leaving the show? I don't really like Rob Lowe's character. RL was hilarious on West Wing, but he's trying too hard to be funny in P&R.

AMC: They need to give me Madison and Frankie. What are they waiting for?

Yes, please reference Parks & Rec at any and all opportunities. I love that show and therefore, live in daily dread that it will be canceled. Already, it's on hiatus until next January.

Stop trying to make Damon happen!

Thank you for this. It should be the new mantra of every AMC viewer.

I really really enjoy David and Greenlee but I decided that I could not watch anymore because the tossing of David under the bus for Ryan is just too...inevitable.

I totally agree that Marissa is a waste of screen time. Did this actress actually audition? Because she's terrible.

And finally: I'm in total agreement with ande mcbeal -- Jake and Amanda suck toxic balls.

always love your posts but have to disagree with the Kendra Wilkinson phenomenon--her show is one of my guilty pleasures. I never really watched Girls Next Door, but I love watching the silliness in her show.

If soap actors can't act they should at least be easy on the eyes (Randi). But if they're just plain ugly (sorry Marissa, you won't break any mirrors, but you do ugly up my widescreen) they gotta go.

Maybe they could write some lame story line to get Randi and Marissa to leave the show together... You know, bland to the point of almost nonexistence girl, heartbroken because she's dumped for the gorgeous girl who is also a fabulous actress falls in love with the boring but pretty bad actress former hooker and they live happily ever after somewhere that is else.

I think Jake and Amanda are adorable when they aren't obsessing over stoooopid things like David or will Amanda go crazy because her mom was cray cray.

If P&R gets canceled, I'll have a sad.

For the life of me, I can't get why AMC couldn't just get a new Babe (instead of killing her off) as opposed to hiring a twin sister who falls in love with the-love-of-Babe's-life and adopts her son. She's completely horrible and whiny and...well, just unlikeable.

This show.

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