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« Soap Blog Coalition | Main | "Loser" About Sums It Up »

May 20, 2010

This Show Is So Broken

I'm not usually the type who kicks people when they are down (and we, the remaining General Hospital viewers are down. Oh, goodness, are we ever down, all 18 of us), but I just have to recap our current situation.

We watch a show where the leading man is either completely incapable of or completely unwilling to string five consecutive words together into a coherent sentence.

Sonny


Sonny: You know what goes on in prison? I mean, it's not like...it's not good. Not just, not just with the inmates, but with...the guards, too. So I'm doing everything I can to use...use my influence to get....

....

..........

(Glances off-screen, possibly at a cue card, possibly because he was distracted by an anguished bystander watching this uncomfortable bit of acting failure who is hysterically mouthing "Michael! Michael! His name is Michael! His name has been mentioned every day on this show since 1997! For the love of god, what is wrong with you?")

Michael released but, oh, I'm not, uh...nobody wants to back me up because of the, you know...election and all that.

And on this same show, the resident cuddly computer geek is the type of person who laughs--LAUGHS--at the thought of a hitman getting revenge on a cop. Bloody revenge, if you know what I mean, and I think you do and I think you let out a blood-curdling scream at this part of the episode and shrank away from your television in horror.

Carly: If Jason didn't go to prison, what do you think would happen to Dante?
Spinelli: (Lets out a peal of happy laughter at the very thought of Dante being murdered that also sounds like demented wheezing).

Spinelli


We watch this show. Does anybody else have the urge to run into traffic right now?


I've ranted about the former problem already this weekand I just continue to be astounded by how lazy and/or out of it Maurice Benard has been these days. His half assing things is not exactly a new development, but he can usually be counted on to make some sort of effort (usually a small one) when he is playing off of an engaging scene partner, especially when that scene partner is Kimberly McCullough. Conversations with Robin are some of the only times in recent memory that Sonny even comes close to being tolerable, and Benard usually has a little life in him during the Sonny/Robin scenes, but today, he could not have been less present. It's like he was thinking to himself, "Remember that show with the girl that's married to the guy was on? What was the name of that show?" and was so consumed with trying to remember that he forgot all of his lines, which is why there was so much stuttering and pausing and dead air.

Perhaps he'd have been more into it if Sonny and Robin didn't decide to meander down Are These People Serious Lane.

Robin: How are things with Dante?
Sonny: Not good.
Robin: I'm sorry, Sonny.
Sonny: It's a difficult situation, because Dante thought he was doing the right thing by turning Michael in.

You know what else was difficult? THE TIME YOU SHOT HIM IN THE CHEST.

Robin: What about Olivia? Can she help you?
Sonny: She hates my guts.
Robin: Well, look: you're Dante's father, okay? Nobody can change that.
Sonny: Right.
Robin: So even if she hates your guts, even if she totally disagrees with the way you live your life, she knows you. She's known you for a long time, she knows you the way I know you. And she knows you're a good person, so why not reach out to her? At this point, you really have nothing to lose. She might surprise you.

Since when does Sonny exhibit more sense than Robin? He had some self-awareness, realizing that Olivia loathes him, and he demonstrated a knowledge of biology, realizing that he's always going to be Dante's father. Robin, meanwhile, is a whackadoo, spouting off about how Olivia must know that Sonny's a good man and how the only problem she really has with him is the fact that he's a mobster, not the fact that HE SHOT HER SON IN THE CHEST.

Robin's lecture gave Sonny the boldness he needed to go to the Metro Court to chat up Olivia and urge her to let go of all of their issues because being mad about things like attempted murder is suuuuch a drag.

Sonny: This whole thing, us fighting...it's a waste. We should just let the past be the past. We have an amazing son together. And I think...I just think we should start over right now.

Sometimes there are no words and sometimes there are too many words, and when you try to say them, you wind up choking.

(Although, let me point out, just for the record, that Olivia is also kind of crazy-cakes.

Olivia: Just let him be miserable. He's good at it, okay? He's already paying a price.

Still with that, Liv? At least your hot, shirtless boyfriend pointed out what a crock that was.

Johnny


Johnny: See, that's where you're wrong. Everyone else around Sonny, everyone who loves him, they always pay the price. His family, his kids. I mean, for god's sake, look at Michael. He's going to prison for the guy, and Sonny gets to walk away scot-free. That's not going to happen anymore.

Listen to the hot, shirtless boyfriend who, sadly, is all but assured of a humiliating loss to the Corinthos crime family and possibly--nay, probably--death at the hands of Jason Morgan.)

Divider

If one ignores Spinelli's seriously evil reaction to the thought of a dead Dante, and the utter insanity of Carly's plan to ruin Dante and Lulu (seriously, doesn't she have bigger issues to be dealing with right now? If someone needed to plan a juvenile revenge scheme against Dante and Lulu, couldn't it be, like, Kristina? It's more age appropriate), Carly trying to get Spinelli on board was pretty amusing.

Carly: I don't care about your wizard! You need to come out of this fantasy world and back to reality.

I mean, the reality she's talking about is a reality where it's perfectly normal to engage in petty revenge, but...it was funny. As was the look of satisfaction on her face when she got him to scheme with her.

Carly

And now Brook Lynn is back and is going to be involved in this and I am already rolling my eyes at how lame this revenge plot is shaping up to be.

Divider

I think we're supposed to be caught up in the drama and romance of Sam and Jason's goodbye scenes, because it's, I guess...entertaining? That Jason once again puts his girlfriend at the bottom of his priority list and, in exchange, she gazes at him adoringly. I have to admit that I almost entirely tuned out these scenes, so I missed the explanation for why Kristina showed up at the PCPD to say goodbye to him.

What the what?

Equally perplexing was the easy breezy vibe of her conversation with Ethan. "Hey Ethan"? Um...okay.

Kristinaethan


Their scene together made me regret again, some more, the writers' choice to have Kristina knowingly accuse Ethan of attacking her, because Lexi Ainsworth and Nathan Parsons work really well together. It was just odd, though, to see Ethan unburdening himself to Kristina, and Kristina eagerly offering to get money from Nikolas for Ethan (Ethan's whining was irksome, but the line "I'm not taking a dime from Nikolas that I don't steal with my own hands" was funny). I'm totally glad they moved past all of their enormous issues, off-screen!

Divider

If I have to sit through one more scene of Lulu talking about her abortion, I am going to take hostages. I may just take hostages anyway, to protest how bad this show is in general...

Comments

Um, "run into traffic"? What, and make it only 17 viewers? God, i loathe this show now. I quit watching when it was the Jagger/Karen show, came back, then it was/is the Sonny/Carly show and jeez. I've got something I could nominate this for....I just watch out of sheer loyalty to the past....sad, ain't it?

You know if this was any other show...other than this broken piece of festering turd.....some character might point out a better way to help Michael might be to kick Diane off the case....hire a lawyer that has no connection to the mob, get an appeal in front of a new judge and here's a wacky idea...how about request a PRISON TRANSFER on the basis of apparently every enemy of Sonny's is housed in Pentonville but none of the stooges that take the fall for him are? But apparently that type of logic is just foriegn.

You know what might move me just a smidge about Jason's "sacrifice"? If I wasn't fully aware his job description is KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING. Dante willing to go to jail to protect Michael? Sacrifice. Jason going? Just a few years overdue.

As for running into traffic...if we all did that the only viewer left would be that crazy Sonny-Jason fangurl who is posting up a storm on the GH Facebook site about how sexy Sonny is when he stammers like that. And I refuse to let that person win!

Oh yeah..speaking of off-screen...Ethan's apparenlty been very busy off screen what with loosing high stakes poker games to Maya and reconcilling all differences with Kristina. Glad to see someone's making productive use of time over there in Port Charles instead of spending all day plotting how to get a kid out of jail through every illegal means necessary.

only 16 viewers...I got busy with midterms and finals - and by got busy with midterms and finals I mean I got busy with other frivolous things that kept me distracted from studying for said midterms and finals - and I just stopped watching the show...and I haven't started because from the sounds of it there's nothing to watch!!! or nothing that will keep me from throwing the remote at the TV

Spinelli dementedly laughing about the prospect of Jason murdering Dante was highly disturbing.

I so agree that it would have been a better idea to have Kristina plotting this lame vengeance scheme. I guess they needed something more for Carly to do :/ whatever.


Why isn't Carly in jail for perjury? She definitely deserves that and much more. I will definitely love if Jax takes her two kids away from her after they divorce. Awesome writer may get a Christmas present from me...

have so quit this show, but still enjoying your recaps which remind me why i quit this show. kudos to you for continuing to watch, and flove you for including the screencaps <3 <3 laura wright is SO pretty

Mallory, I just knew when Spinelli chortled with glee over the prospect of Jason killing Dante that you'd comment on it and you didn't disappoint.

As for Mo, I noticed a week or so ago when Sonny was talking to Lulu (or actually smacking her down) outside the courtroom that he kept glancing down and off to the side as he spoke. Since Julie Berman was standing on the other side of him, I can only assume he was reading cue cards. He definitely seems to be sleepwalking through most of the show. And I guess when there isn't barware to smash, he kicks a chair (as he did when visiting Anthony).

Kristina suggesting to borrow money is one of the few things that actually made sense. She is (rightly) feeling guilty and wants to help. Her response makes perfect sense for a 17 year old. I also love that she is turning to Nicholas rather then Sonny. I find that awesome.

While it has been mentioned that Kristina named Ethan rather than Keifer because she was afraid of Sonny, she never explained that to Ethan. I wish there had been a scene with her telling Ethan she named him because she thought he would be protected from Sonny because of Luke. That wasn't what happened, but then everything spiraled out of control. And then Ethan could be rightly disgusted by Sonny, want to steal money from him because of that not because he lost some stupid poker game. It would also make his forgiving attitude make a bit more sense

Broken is the perfect word. I thought the last couple episodes had been on a bit of an upswing... but then yesterday. I hope Spinelli chokes on it and dies while Maxie laughs at him.

You've got it, Broken. In a million little pieces. Just like James Frey, Guza is also unwilling to take responsibility for the mess he has made. When will they hire Sri Rao head writer? When?

I am so, so, so glad that I found this site. On some other sites I've visited, fans actually defend Sonny SHOOTING DANTE IN THE CHEST (sorry, couldn't resist) by saying something to the effect of, 'those are the mob rules,' as if that somehow trumps the actual LAW.

Sadly, I have had to stop watching GH (after having watched for the better part of my 30-something life) and even stop reading recaps about it in order to save my own sanity -- lest I run into traffic.

Thank you for recapping and kvetching .. I stopped watching both GH and AMC because the writing totally sucks

I should probably stop waiting for this, but why can't someone just break Sonny's kneecaps? Or why can't Jason get sodomized in prison?

What was with Carly's protect Lulu angle? I thought Carly said she was a "selfish bitch" who was gonna get "what she deserves."

Is it too much to hope for a sight of Lois or Ned in the revenge storyline? Probably but I can dream!

thanks again for the terrific blog. so glad I stopped watching- even deleted it from the DVR. Your recaps just confirm what a mess-- I am not missing a thing!!!

Jason deserves to be in jail FOREVER. Sam is a much better character w/o Jason. ( I once enjoyed the coupling but not now). Spinelli needs to jail so well --let's see how he survives--laughing a killing a cop (UGH!!!) Why is Brooklyn involved with white trash Carly-- Brooklyn is a Quartermaine--??????. Don't want to know...

Ha ha! I chuckled at Sonny's description of prison life as "not good" when I watched it on hulu this morning. He was probably really only thinking of the claustrophobia that he would experience in there. Other than Tracy, there isn't a single character on the show who I'm really liking right now. Every single person seems mentally ill. I'm anxious, though, to see where Claire's baby hunger takes her. When I saw the very pregnant teen in the park with Dante, I thought perhaps she'd wind up bumping into Claire, who'd wind up adopting (or kidnapping) the baby later.

My theory is that the reason Sonny says the same damn thing over and over these days is because Mo is having some kind of problem and they figure they have a better shot at him getting in the ballpark of the dialogue if it has familiarity.

And yet they still offer cue cards.

Maybe, I dunno, the guy needs a break? Would it have been so hard to send Sonny to prison for a few months to give him (and by "him" I also mean "the viewers") a much-needed respite.

I'm so glad I don't watch. I only watch for Lulu and Dante on YT, but even they are sometimes annoying.

Anyway, I want to thank you for every single time you remind everyone that SONNY SHOT AN UNARMED COP IN THE CHEST. Every tiem you do that, an angel gets their wings.

I agree with ALL of you. I have always HATED Spinelli but i hate him EVEN MORE THEN EVER NOW! I am looking forward to seeing Franco back if for nothing else but to scare Spinelli to death,LITERALLY!! Since Jason will probably still be in prison when he gets here maybe we will get lucky and Spinelli will become his first 'victim/art piece'!

Guza is such a bad writer...it continues to astound me how bad he is and why he still has a job. Agree with the commentary about Maurice/Sonny, Carly and Jasam. Man, I hate this show. I really miss Robin and Patrick.

No wonder the mob is on so much...the time it takes Sonny to speak a whole paragraph, there's no time for anyone else on the show to have lines, unless they pertain to Sonny and then the cameras go back to him.

And Robin, you who told Patrick your world was not Sonny's world or Jason's world, but with Patrick and Emma just a few short weeks ago...where did you go? Stone wanted you to live your life, to get married and have children...not to worship St. Sonny with the burning halo!

OMG...just when I thought Spinelli had a conscience, Carzilla sinks her claws into him and injects her poison. First he tries to get Stone Cold not to kill Dante, and then the next minute he's all for it? Oh, bring back the Spinelli that talked Jason thru the MC crisis in 2007...because as irritating as he was then, the 2010 Spinelli is just intolerable now!

I am all for someone on GH remembering the show is not called General Mobspital, and that the mob needs to stop being the nucleus of the show....but that will only happen when or if Guza leaves GH, or has a serious mob lobotomy.

If Franco's coming back anihilates the mob and pulls the hospital back to the center of the show, I'm all for that, but if it just brings out more of the mob insanity, why bring him back at all?

Where is the Love in the Afternoon ABC once talked of? It is not on GH these days. Does Guza even remember this is not HBO's OZ or the Sopranos?

Guza needs to go back and read what a soap opera is supposed to be about, because it's obvious he skipped that day when it was defined and was home watching the Godfather series!

We are not supposed to dread GH's coming on in the afternoons as we do. And we have Bob Guza to blame for that!

Is Maurice B. sick? I haven't watched in ages but it seems like it is getting worse? When they show previews he seems absolutely gone. I have to say Carly's hair looked great in that picture.

IA this show has become a mess,to Jasam reunion to what they have done to Liz, to the Michael stuff and Sonny, now scrubs and I heard Franco is coming back. Guza and frons are destroying what once was a good show. I use to like Spinelli, but his character has been overdo to be killed off for a long time especially sense he never will seem to grow. I loathe all the couples on the show now, and all the characters.

Eh, I think Mo/Sonny is the only thing worth watching on GH. He at least is unpredictable, wrong on occassion and faces the consequences of his chosen career path. In a word, he's interesting, cop shooting and all. The rest of the sanctimonious residents of PC are duller than dirt, including the coma inducing Hospital side of the canvas. Robin married the skirt chasing, obnoxious Dr PatPrick wouldn't be so hard to take if the show didn't constantly go out of their way to make it obvious Robin should get on her knees daily and pay homage to the fact this disrespectful a-hole deigned to marry her unworthy self.

If it wasn't Sonny, and Sonny/Robin scenes, I'd have tuned out long long ago.

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