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« Soap Blog Coalition | Main | "Loser" About Sums It Up »

May 20, 2010

This Show Is So Broken

I'm not usually the type who kicks people when they are down (and we, the remaining General Hospital viewers are down. Oh, goodness, are we ever down, all 18 of us), but I just have to recap our current situation.

We watch a show where the leading man is either completely incapable of or completely unwilling to string five consecutive words together into a coherent sentence.


Sonny: You know what goes on in prison? I mean, it's not like...it's not good. Not just, not just with the inmates, but with...the guards, too. So I'm doing everything I can to use...use my influence to get....



(Glances off-screen, possibly at a cue card, possibly because he was distracted by an anguished bystander watching this uncomfortable bit of acting failure who is hysterically mouthing "Michael! Michael! His name is Michael! His name has been mentioned every day on this show since 1997! For the love of god, what is wrong with you?")

Michael released but, oh, I'm not, uh...nobody wants to back me up because of the, you know...election and all that.

And on this same show, the resident cuddly computer geek is the type of person who laughs--LAUGHS--at the thought of a hitman getting revenge on a cop. Bloody revenge, if you know what I mean, and I think you do and I think you let out a blood-curdling scream at this part of the episode and shrank away from your television in horror.

Carly: If Jason didn't go to prison, what do you think would happen to Dante?
Spinelli: (Lets out a peal of happy laughter at the very thought of Dante being murdered that also sounds like demented wheezing).


We watch this show. Does anybody else have the urge to run into traffic right now?

I've ranted about the former problem already this weekand I just continue to be astounded by how lazy and/or out of it Maurice Benard has been these days. His half assing things is not exactly a new development, but he can usually be counted on to make some sort of effort (usually a small one) when he is playing off of an engaging scene partner, especially when that scene partner is Kimberly McCullough. Conversations with Robin are some of the only times in recent memory that Sonny even comes close to being tolerable, and Benard usually has a little life in him during the Sonny/Robin scenes, but today, he could not have been less present. It's like he was thinking to himself, "Remember that show with the girl that's married to the guy was on? What was the name of that show?" and was so consumed with trying to remember that he forgot all of his lines, which is why there was so much stuttering and pausing and dead air.

Perhaps he'd have been more into it if Sonny and Robin didn't decide to meander down Are These People Serious Lane.

Robin: How are things with Dante?
Sonny: Not good.
Robin: I'm sorry, Sonny.
Sonny: It's a difficult situation, because Dante thought he was doing the right thing by turning Michael in.

You know what else was difficult? THE TIME YOU SHOT HIM IN THE CHEST.

Robin: What about Olivia? Can she help you?
Sonny: She hates my guts.
Robin: Well, look: you're Dante's father, okay? Nobody can change that.
Sonny: Right.
Robin: So even if she hates your guts, even if she totally disagrees with the way you live your life, she knows you. She's known you for a long time, she knows you the way I know you. And she knows you're a good person, so why not reach out to her? At this point, you really have nothing to lose. She might surprise you.

Since when does Sonny exhibit more sense than Robin? He had some self-awareness, realizing that Olivia loathes him, and he demonstrated a knowledge of biology, realizing that he's always going to be Dante's father. Robin, meanwhile, is a whackadoo, spouting off about how Olivia must know that Sonny's a good man and how the only problem she really has with him is the fact that he's a mobster, not the fact that HE SHOT HER SON IN THE CHEST.

Robin's lecture gave Sonny the boldness he needed to go to the Metro Court to chat up Olivia and urge her to let go of all of their issues because being mad about things like attempted murder is suuuuch a drag.

Sonny: This whole thing, us fighting...it's a waste. We should just let the past be the past. We have an amazing son together. And I think...I just think we should start over right now.

Sometimes there are no words and sometimes there are too many words, and when you try to say them, you wind up choking.

(Although, let me point out, just for the record, that Olivia is also kind of crazy-cakes.

Olivia: Just let him be miserable. He's good at it, okay? He's already paying a price.

Still with that, Liv? At least your hot, shirtless boyfriend pointed out what a crock that was.


Johnny: See, that's where you're wrong. Everyone else around Sonny, everyone who loves him, they always pay the price. His family, his kids. I mean, for god's sake, look at Michael. He's going to prison for the guy, and Sonny gets to walk away scot-free. That's not going to happen anymore.

Listen to the hot, shirtless boyfriend who, sadly, is all but assured of a humiliating loss to the Corinthos crime family and possibly--nay, probably--death at the hands of Jason Morgan.)


If one ignores Spinelli's seriously evil reaction to the thought of a dead Dante, and the utter insanity of Carly's plan to ruin Dante and Lulu (seriously, doesn't she have bigger issues to be dealing with right now? If someone needed to plan a juvenile revenge scheme against Dante and Lulu, couldn't it be, like, Kristina? It's more age appropriate), Carly trying to get Spinelli on board was pretty amusing.

Carly: I don't care about your wizard! You need to come out of this fantasy world and back to reality.

I mean, the reality she's talking about is a reality where it's perfectly normal to engage in petty revenge, but...it was funny. As was the look of satisfaction on her face when she got him to scheme with her.


And now Brook Lynn is back and is going to be involved in this and I am already rolling my eyes at how lame this revenge plot is shaping up to be.


I think we're supposed to be caught up in the drama and romance of Sam and Jason's goodbye scenes, because it's, I guess...entertaining? That Jason once again puts his girlfriend at the bottom of his priority list and, in exchange, she gazes at him adoringly. I have to admit that I almost entirely tuned out these scenes, so I missed the explanation for why Kristina showed up at the PCPD to say goodbye to him.

What the what?

Equally perplexing was the easy breezy vibe of her conversation with Ethan. "Hey Ethan"? Um...okay.


Their scene together made me regret again, some more, the writers' choice to have Kristina knowingly accuse Ethan of attacking her, because Lexi Ainsworth and Nathan Parsons work really well together. It was just odd, though, to see Ethan unburdening himself to Kristina, and Kristina eagerly offering to get money from Nikolas for Ethan (Ethan's whining was irksome, but the line "I'm not taking a dime from Nikolas that I don't steal with my own hands" was funny). I'm totally glad they moved past all of their enormous issues, off-screen!


If I have to sit through one more scene of Lulu talking about her abortion, I am going to take hostages. I may just take hostages anyway, to protest how bad this show is in general...


Yes yes we are all disappointed in the show in one way or another. What I want to know is WHAT IS UP WITH ADRIANNE LEON'S (who plays Brooklyn Ashton) FACE!!! She's SO young to have have plastic surgery that didn't really help her looks. It actually scared me at first to look at her.
I've found a few minor references but nothing real concrete about it. Anyone know anything more?

Guza likes writing bad storylines for Patrick and Robin he still hasn`t written anything good for them I miss Robin and Patrick ,Emma as a family and as people and I don`t like Robin being writen like she doesn`t have any character developement at all and Patrick too . Do we really need Lisa because I don`t think so.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't find Spinelli cuddly at all. He's an irritant. No, I take that back, he is a pathetic mob apologist who is seriously lacking any moral companss except the Gospel of Stone Cold.

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