This Show Needs To Step Away from Ambiguity
I can't believe that I am going to launch into a discussion about whether or not a teenager who we have all watched grow up on-screen was raped in prison, where he is currently serving time for killing his stepmother, but here we are: Michael was maybe raped in prison.
Nothing, of course, was mentioned explicitly: when Jason arrived at Pentonville, he found his cellmate sitting on the floor, practically catatonic, not responding to anything Jason said, and when Jason tried to put a supportive hand on Michael's shoulder, Michael physically recoiled as if it were the hand of a cold-blooded hitman and not a warm-blooded, saintly hitman.
It makes me feel as though something more extreme than a prison beating happened.And it also makes me feel as though the writers are being deliberately vague about what happened to Michael in case there is a profound and vocal backlash. Like, "Prison rape? What?! That's not at all what happened. You people have some dirty minds". Well, this is assuming that the General Hospital writers would actually acknowledge negative feedback, as well as assuming that even the GH writers, delusional as I assume they are, could get a sentence like that out without bursting out laughing, since there are no minds in the universe dirtier than theirs.
I am hoping, though, that I am just a deranged individual jumping to the worst possible conclusion and that Michael really wasn't raped, because I don't have the stomach to see how poorly the writers would handle a delicate, serious issue. Remember Kristina's abuse? Robin's PPD? The way they managed to turn me off of chocolate cake?! There is no way the story would be anything but an utterly depressing, slow-motion trainwreck.
Speaking of slow-motion trainwrecks...
I may need to create a new category for blog posts called OMFG: Does he not realize that there is a camera on him, filming, and that people are going to watch this? Not many people, but still, people, because that question has been running through my head constantly whenever Maurice Benard appears on-screen lately. It's like he's sleepwalking, but also impersonating an especially awful community theater actor.
When he first confronted Johnny, he was speaking with some sort of lockjaw. Then he was making overwrought hand gestures that wouldn't be out of place in the dance routine of an early 90s boyband while repeating the word "my" about a thousand times.
Sonny: You just think you can move into my--my--my--my organization and take it over?
It was like when Milli Vanilli was exposed as a fraud, except the surprise here isn't about lip-synching, it's about an actor continuing to draw a hefty paycheck despite not fulfilling the major requirements of his job (learning his lines and acting convincingly like a human being).
Really, I am becoming obsessed with the long pauses.
Sonny: I'm going to Pentonville to visit my son with brain damage, and you.....helped.....put him there.....because you couldn't catch me.
I may start timing them!
Other than the bizarre speaking patterns, it was a pretty good day for Sonny, because he got a chance to show off some of the fancy things he's learned lately, like what synonyms are!
Sonny: You're overconfident, cocky, stupid...dumb.
He also knows a lot about the way biology works:
Sonny: I'm your father and I love you and you're my son.
The latter came about during an especially amusing father/son moment where Sonny, horrified that Michael was beaten (especially because Michael is his son; as Sonny said, "my son gets hit, it's a big deal"), tried to alleviate all of his pain and worry by talking about how hard Sonny has been working on getting Michael released...by agreeing to let Jason go to prison.
Sonny: I'm doing everything I can to get you out. That's why Jason is in here.
O...kay. He was no more specific when he chatted with Jason.
Jason: Is there any progress on getting Michael out?
Sonny: I'm making calls and I'm doing everything I can to get Michael out of here.
That does sound like a heavy workload. I hope he gives himself enough time in the afternoon to work in a nap!
He could use one, if his mood is any indication.
Sonny: You left me a hell of a mess...[...]That little pitbull is on my ass, okay, so she says to me "I've got probable cause to search" and I said, "Go ahead, search the place".
This puts me in the awkward position of defending Jason and agreeing that he's making a sacrifice for Michael, but...the man volunteers to go to jail for your kid and you're bitching at him that now your life is just soooo complicated? Puh-lease.
Although I have to say that I literally laughed out loud at the fact that, when recounting this story to Jason, Sonny actually did voices for himself and Claire.
I also literally laughed out loud at poor, pretty, doomed Johnny and his plan to have Ethan bring Claire to Sonny's so that she could see him almost dying at Sonny's hand, not because the plan is funny, or even entertaining, but because he came up with a seriously bizarre scenario for what took Ethan so long to get there.
Johnny: Did you stop for apple juice and circus peanuts along the way?
What?! From the randomness of the items he named to how poorly those two things would go together, taste-wise, there is seriously nothing about that sentence that doesn't delight me.
The next time a friend or family member starts a conversation with, "I saw the cutest thing ever", interrupt them immediately and say, "Unless the cutest thing ever is Lucky and a pajama clad Cameron, you are completely wrong".
I loved that when Lucky walked in to Elizabeth's and the boys were loud and boisterous and Nikolas was smug and glowering, Lucky acknowledged him with only a glare, picked the boys up and got out of there with a quickness. It was the sane, drama-free way to go, although he missed out on some quality fireworks because Liz and Nik were both straight up crazy and bitchy.
Liz: I hate Wyndemere. I always have.
Nikolas: Really? You seemed to like the turret room just fine.
Liz: I begged you to leave me alone and you wouldn't listen. You manipulated me even after I told you I wanted things to end.
Nikolas: Really? Well that's not how I remember it.
Damn it all to hell. Agreeing with Nik and Jason in one day? I feel dirty.
Liz: I was trying to sort my feelings out for Lucky and you knew that.
Nikolas: Revisionist history, that's what I call that.
Liz: You know there's a time I thought we could work through this, that the old Nik that I used to know and love would show up and I'm really starting to hate the fact that I ever slept with you. And I'm starting to hate the fact that you're the father of this baby.
Nikolas: That was the wrong thing to say to me.
Well, there's a conversation where nobody comes out looking good, unless by good you mean "delusional" or "like an asshole", but Sonny Corinthos and his handy dandy thesaurus would be quick to point out that good does not mean either of those things...
Um. There is so much wrong with Carly pimping out Brook Lynn to break up Dante and Lulu. Like, doesn't Carly have better things to be doing with her time? And I am so sure that Ned's daughter would resort to credit card fraud.
But the biggest problem is Adrianne Leon's appearance, which us a hugely bitchy thing to say, but it's distracting me.
Why does she look young and like a fortysomething divorcee at the same time? She looks...different, right? Is it just me?