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« And the Word of the Week is: "Finally!" | Main | SOAPNet Is Being Replaced by Pre-School Entertainment »

May 24, 2010

This Show Needs To Step Away from Ambiguity

I can't believe that I am going to launch into a discussion about whether or not a teenager who we have all watched grow up on-screen was raped in prison, where he is currently serving time for killing his stepmother, but here we are: Michael was maybe raped in prison.


Nothing, of course, was mentioned explicitly: when Jason arrived at Pentonville, he found his cellmate sitting on the floor, practically catatonic, not responding to anything Jason said, and when Jason tried to put a supportive hand on Michael's shoulder, Michael physically recoiled as if it were the hand of a cold-blooded hitman and not a warm-blooded, saintly hitman.


It makes me feel as though something more extreme than a prison beating happened.And it also makes me feel as though the writers are being deliberately vague about what happened to Michael in case there is a profound and vocal backlash. Like, "Prison rape? What?! That's not at all what happened. You people have some dirty minds". Well, this is assuming that the General Hospital writers would actually acknowledge negative feedback, as well as assuming that even the GH writers, delusional as I assume they are, could get a sentence like that out without bursting out laughing, since there are no minds in the universe dirtier than theirs.

I am hoping, though, that I am just a deranged individual jumping to the worst possible conclusion and that Michael really wasn't raped, because I don't have the stomach to see how poorly the writers would handle a delicate, serious issue. Remember Kristina's abuse? Robin's PPD? The way they managed to turn me off of chocolate cake?! There is no way the story would be anything but an utterly depressing, slow-motion trainwreck.


Speaking of slow-motion trainwrecks...


I may need to create a new category for blog posts called OMFG: Does he not realize that there is a camera on him, filming, and that people are going to watch this? Not many people, but still, people, because that question has been running through my head constantly whenever Maurice Benard appears on-screen lately. It's like he's sleepwalking, but also impersonating an especially awful community theater actor.

When he first confronted Johnny, he was speaking with some sort of lockjaw. Then he was making overwrought hand gestures that wouldn't be out of place in the dance routine of an early 90s boyband while repeating the word "my" about a thousand times.

Sonny: You just think you can move into my--my--my--my organization and take it over?

It was like when Milli Vanilli was exposed as a fraud, except the surprise here isn't about lip-synching, it's about an actor continuing to draw a hefty paycheck despite not fulfilling the major requirements of his job (learning his lines and acting convincingly like a human being).

Really, I am becoming obsessed with the long pauses.

Sonny: I'm going to Pentonville to visit my son with brain damage, and you.....helped.....put him there.....because you couldn't catch me.

I may start timing them!

Other than the bizarre speaking patterns, it was a pretty good day for Sonny, because he got a chance to show off some of the fancy things he's learned lately, like what synonyms are!

Sonny: You're overconfident, cocky, stupid...dumb.

He also knows a lot about the way biology works:

Sonny: I'm your father and I love you and you're my son.


The latter came about during an especially amusing father/son moment where Sonny, horrified that Michael was beaten (especially because Michael is his son; as Sonny said, "my son gets hit, it's a big deal"), tried to alleviate all of his pain and worry by talking about how hard Sonny has been working on getting Michael released...by agreeing to let Jason go to prison.

Sonny: I'm doing everything I can to get you out. That's why Jason is in here.

O...kay. He was no more specific when he chatted with Jason.

Jason: Is there any progress on getting Michael out?
Sonny: I'm making calls and I'm doing everything I can to get Michael out of here.

That does sound like a heavy workload. I hope he gives himself enough time in the afternoon to work in a nap!

He could use one, if his mood is any indication.

Sonny: You left me a hell of a mess...[...]That little pitbull is on my ass, okay, so she says to me "I've got probable cause to search" and I said, "Go ahead, search the place".

This puts me in the awkward position of defending Jason and agreeing that he's making a sacrifice for Michael, but...the man volunteers to go to jail for your kid and you're bitching at him that now your life is just soooo complicated? Puh-lease.

Although I have to say that I literally laughed out loud at the fact that, when recounting this story to Jason, Sonny actually did voices for himself and Claire.


I also literally laughed out loud at poor, pretty, doomed Johnny and his plan to have Ethan bring Claire to Sonny's so that she could see him almost dying at Sonny's hand, not because the plan is funny, or even entertaining, but because he came up with a seriously bizarre scenario for what took Ethan so long to get there.

Johnny: Did you stop for apple juice and circus peanuts along the way?

What?! From the randomness of the items he named to how poorly those two things would go together, taste-wise, there is seriously nothing about that sentence that doesn't delight me.


The next time a friend or family member starts a conversation with, "I saw the cutest thing ever", interrupt them immediately and say, "Unless the cutest thing ever is Lucky and a pajama clad Cameron, you are completely wrong".



Soooo cute.

I loved that when Lucky walked in to Elizabeth's and the boys were loud and boisterous and Nikolas was smug and glowering, Lucky acknowledged him with only a glare, picked the boys up and got out of there with a quickness. It was the sane, drama-free way to go, although he missed out on some quality fireworks because Liz and Nik were both straight up crazy and bitchy.



Liz: I hate Wyndemere. I always have.
Nikolas: Really? You seemed to like the turret room just fine.

Liz: I begged you to leave me alone and you wouldn't listen. You manipulated me even after I told you I wanted things to end.


Nikolas: Really? Well that's not how I remember it.

Damn it all to hell. Agreeing with Nik and Jason in one day? I feel dirty.

Liz: I was trying to sort my feelings out for Lucky and you knew that.
Nikolas: Revisionist history, that's what I call that.
Liz: You know there's a time I thought we could work through this, that the old Nik that I used to know and love would show up and I'm really starting to hate the fact that I ever slept with you. And I'm starting to hate the fact that you're the father of this baby.
Nikolas: That was the wrong thing to say to me.

Well, there's a conversation where nobody comes out looking good, unless by good you mean "delusional" or "like an asshole", but Sonny Corinthos and his handy dandy thesaurus would be quick to point out that good does not mean either of those things...


Um. There is so much wrong with Carly pimping out Brook Lynn to break up Dante and Lulu. Like, doesn't Carly have better things to be doing with her time? And I am so sure that Ned's daughter would resort to credit card fraud.

But the biggest problem is Adrianne Leon's appearance, which us a hugely bitchy thing to say, but it's distracting me.


Why does she look young and like a fortysomething divorcee at the same time? She looks...different, right? Is it just me?


AL does look odd in a tranny (not so good) kind of way. loved the video clip "snap" after Nik's response to Liz. She deserved that.

I agree that A.L. looks distractingly thin. I always thought she was quite pretty before. Of course I read a quote from Bob Guza in some magazine that, "Adrianne is back and she looks GREAT!" Of course.

No matter what I think of Michaal (IMO, he sucks.), the idea of him being raped disturbs me. When I watch soaps, I watch to be entertained, and I DO NOT find rape to be entertainment.

And I had forgotten about the way Carly and Jason, "No blink" Morgan laughed, LAUGHED, about Jax being raped. The fact that Carly was Jax's WIFE at the time makes this especially vile. Jus thow much disrespect is Jax supposed to take from the Mob-apologist before he wises up? At the rate TPTB are writing Jax, he will stop being a nice guy and fall into the category of "Hen-pecked husband."

I just youtube'd "Would You Like It" because for the life of me I couldn't remember it. YIKES. I remember being assaulted by that song last summer. Yuck.

Mallory I am not even watching the show but just looking at that picture I can tell you what's wrong with how AL looks. The botox in her cheeks and the collegen in her lips.

Jason and Carly weren't the only ones laughing at Jax's rape. I use to belong to another GH board where the owner of the board thought it was a beautiful thing to see. Beautiful in the sense that she thought Ingo looke so incredibly sexy WHILE BEING RAPED that she said something along the lines of he could do that to her anytime. :-/ Disturbing on sooooo many different levels

Wow, they really are going to ruin Ned and Lois' daughter. Yes, all women who want to pay off their credit card debt and clear their name immediately agree to whore themselves out for the sake of... paying bills.

This SL has one gigantic hole in it... as Edward Q's granddaughter, she can just go to him and get the money and help she needs.

I'm tired of this "bensonhurst" crap. I have nothing against Bensonhurst. I just get tired of how the writers present characters from Bensonhurst as some kind of sterotype. Blah.

I think a well written serious story about the rape of a man could potentially be interesting. Women have been subjected to way too many rape stories on soaps so if you are going to do another why not do one with a man? But I'm just worried that GH would not do a story like this with the proper sensitivity. They've messed up a lot of recent controversal and/or social issue storylines like the post partum depression storyline and Kristina's abuse storyine. But TPTB probably do like Michael more than Robin or Kristina so maybe it will be done better.

I couldn't agree more with your entire post. Also, words can't convey how irritated I was with Liz in her scenes with Nik. While he was being a demanding DB, he still does have every right to be concerned about his child and how she is (or isn't) taking care of herself while pregnant.

Yes he has every right to be concerned about his child but to demand she move into Wyndemere when HE KNOWS FULL WELL HIS-FORCED-HIM-TO-LET-HER-LIVE-WITH-HIM-GRANDMOTHER IS A MURDEROUS PSYHOPATH WHO TRIED TO KILL EMILY AND MANY OTHERS IN THE TOWN is asking a bit much don't you think?

I'm pretty convinced Michael was raped, and I don't know whether Jason's brain damage is getting the better of him again or if he's erring on the side of "let's pretend it didn't happen" rather than ask Michael about it. That's par for the mob course. The blood test is a bit wonky. There's plenty of that going on in prison, I would think, and I can't imagine them coming to take you for medical tests every time it happens. It's prison, not daycare.

I really want Maurice Benard to go away in the worse possible way. I can't even verbalize how bad I want this to happen. The way he talks (or DOESN'T talk) makes me lose IQ points.

Not to mention that EVERYONE needs to die these days. EVERYONE!! Johnny is impeding your business? Pull out the big shiny gun! Someone hit your kid in prison? "uh..buh..duh...Jason, he has to die!" Maid put too much starch in your shirts? Bitch be dead!

Even Jason looked COMPLETELY ANNOYED at Sonny for both giving him shit about figuring out who beat up Michael and for going on and on about Claire Walsh. Yeah, he's been so busy trying to get Michael freed while Jason plays goalie against the mad Pentonville rapists. Is that what he was doing while he had a lovely dinner and cocktails with Olivia at the Metro Court?

Speaking of Olivia....was it me, or did she look 15 years younger than Brook Lynn? If her and Dante went to school together, she was clearly his teacher. Eegads, woman.

Finally, I know there are a lot of Elizabeth supporters here, but this is just my humble opinion (I am NOT an Elizabeth supporter). When she went to Lucky's to try to whine her way back into his good graces, I was applauding like CRAZY in the middle of my living room (basically like chimps clap - I told you Maurice Benard lowers my IQ) that Lucky wasn't having ANY OF IT. "Whatever you want to do is fine by me." "I'm not getting in the middle of it." YOU GO, LUCKY!! She wanted hot Greek prince sex instead of appreciating the man who truly adored her, so she can just suck it up. I kind of hope Nikolas drags her through the mud a bit. I think Elizabeth could stand to learn how to deal with things on her own rather than using Lucky every time things don't go her way. I'm not a Nikolas fan either, but if we're going to go all Celebrity Death Match, I'm sorry, I'm siding with Nikolas.

Liz's situation is sad, but I don't feel sorry for her one bit. It's a cautionary tale for every man or woman who thinks the grass is greener. She did this to herself and now she has to deal with it. The only good news for her is that the baby she's carrying is in fact Lucky's. I'm glad but not for her sake rather for Lucky's. It's not that Cam or even Jake or any less his kids than a biological would be, but I think it's always been a dream of Lucky's that he and Liz not only raise but also create a child together. He will have that soon. Yet, I still hope they let Liz's misery continue as long as possible though. I'm enjoying it. Quite frankly, Carly needs to get her just desert (for once) too. Talk about a joyous occasion.

I have also stopped watching. I was a fan from the time Luck and Lara were married.
No more, this prision rape is just the last straws.

I hardly ever comment, but seriously, they turned you off chocolate cake?!? These people really are evil!

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