Desperately Seeking a Descriptor
It seems so long ago that Patrick Drake could appear onscreen without the audience performing a synchronized gag/eyeroll combination, doesn't it? If I didn't have a blog that serves as an archive of all of my soap related thoughts, I would scarcely believe that there was once a time that I exhibited slavish devotion to Patrick and described his every action as being "hotly" done.
Then Night Shift, season one, came along and effectively murdered the "hotly", which was replaced with [REDACTED]. The [REDACTED] was then lifted for good behavior and he went descriptor-free until recently, when I floated the notion of using the word "pissily" because ohmigod, what a petulant brat he can be, but this week, "pissily" flew out the window and I am at a loss, which is where you all come in.
Lisa: Yeah, because you think that you can slow-dance with me whenever you want, right? Well, that's not gonna happen, Patrick.
Patrick: You're not gonna be happy with Steve Webber.
Lisa: Ok, you would love for me to pine for you while you're happily married--or at least, that's what you keep telling everyone--and just wait for whatever crumbs you feel like throwin' me. All right, well, that is not gonna happen.
Patrick: You've been tryin' to get my attention for months. Well, you have it. So what are you gonna do with it?
While disgusting, this was in character for Patrick, who has an established history of using cheesy and awkward come-ons.
Patrick: Don't act like that kiss came out of nowhere. You've been flirting with me for months in front of Robin, reminding me of all the college days, making sure I remember what it used to be like. Asking me for a consult in the locker room so I could see you half naked.
I really enjoy how he is trying to have the upper hand in this conversation by admitting that he's completely aware that she's been relentlessly flirting with him and trying to entice him, and that he did nothing to stop it. THE HIGH HORSE WILL BUCK YOU RIGHT OFF FOR THAT, PATRICK.
Lisa: All right, you know it's easy for you to turn this around on me and make it seem like I'm some homewrecker when you're the one that is clearly unhappy in your marriage.
Patrick: That--I love Robin.
Uh, way to evade the issue of being happily married, Patrick.
Lisa: Okay, then why do you care who I sleep with? Your head practically exploded when you saw that Steve and I were seeing one another.
Patrick: That's what it's about, right? Get a little attention from Steve, make me jealous.
Lisa: Oh my god. I've always known that you're arrogant, but this is taking it to a whole new level, okay? Because I am with Steve because he's a decent guy and we have fun together.
That's the saddest attempt to talk someone up that I've ever seen. She couldn't have even upgraded him to being a "good guy"? Ouch.
Lisa: And that's the problem, isn't it? You want everyone to be as miserable as you are. Well, you know what? You're the one who chose to settle down and get married, so if you're not as happy in your new life as you were in your old life, then you only have yourself to blame.
Patrick: You can't just stop reminding me of what it used to be like between us, right?
OMFG. While he's right and that Lisa is totally over-the-top when it comes to reminiscing about their wild times together, how pathetic is this, really? I have never heard of anyone becoming so unhinged at college memories that, as much as the show attempts to paint them as groundbreaking in their depravity, amount to drinking beer and getting laid. Does he break down at the sight of a red solo cup?
Lisa then astutely noted that he's trying to mark his territory where she's concerned and told him to go home and sober up, but I'm so totally sure that will stick, until tomorrow when they will probably fall into bed together. Okay, maybe not...I mean, I am sure they will fall into bed together, but it likely won't be tomorrow because since when does Patrick get three days in a row onscreen?
So OBVIOUSLY, he needs a descriptor, because this is just...ugh. But what descriptor to use?! "Toolishly"? "Grossly"? Suggestions are welcome!