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« Daytime Emmys Recap: Worst Dressed | Main | Decent Bits and Pieces »

June 29, 2010

Desperately Seeking a Descriptor

It seems so long ago that Patrick Drake could appear onscreen without the audience performing a synchronized gag/eyeroll combination, doesn't it? If I didn't have a blog that serves as an archive of all of my soap related thoughts, I would scarcely believe that there was once a time that I exhibited slavish devotion to Patrick and described his every action as being "hotly" done.

Then Night Shift, season one, came along and effectively murdered the "hotly", which was replaced with [REDACTED]. The [REDACTED] was then lifted for good behavior and he went descriptor-free until recently, when I floated the notion of using the word "pissily" because ohmigod, what a petulant brat he can be, but this week, "pissily" flew out the window and I am at a loss, which is where you all come in.

Lisa: Yeah, because you think that you can slow-dance with me whenever you want, right? Well, that's not gonna happen, Patrick.

Patrick: You're not gonna be happy with Steve Webber.

Lisa: Ok, you would love for me to pine for you while you're happily married--or at least, that's what you keep telling everyone--and just wait for whatever crumbs you feel like throwin' me. All right, well, that is not gonna happen.

Patrick: You've been tryin' to get my attention for months. Well, you have it. So what are you gonna do with it?

While disgusting, this was in character for Patrick, who has an established history of using cheesy and awkward come-ons.

Later...

Patsa

 
Patrick: Don't act like that kiss came out of nowhere. You've been flirting with me for months in front of Robin, reminding me of all the college days, making sure I remember what it used to be like. Asking me for a consult in the locker room so I could see you half naked.

I really enjoy how he is trying to have the upper hand in this conversation by admitting that he's completely aware that she's been relentlessly flirting with him and trying to entice him, and that he did nothing to stop it. THE HIGH HORSE WILL BUCK YOU RIGHT OFF FOR THAT, PATRICK.

Lisa: All right, you know it's easy for you to turn this around on me and make it seem like I'm some homewrecker when you're the one that is clearly unhappy in your marriage.
Patrick: That--I love Robin.

Uh, way to evade the issue of being happily married, Patrick.

Lisa: Okay, then why do you care who I sleep with? Your head practically exploded when you saw that Steve and I were seeing one another.
Patrick: That's what it's about, right? Get a little attention from Steve, make me jealous.
Lisa: Oh my god. I've always known that you're arrogant, but this is taking it to a whole new level, okay? Because I am with Steve because he's a decent guy and we have fun together.

That's the saddest attempt to talk someone up that I've ever seen. She couldn't have even upgraded him to being a "good guy"? Ouch.

Lisa: And that's the problem, isn't it? You want everyone to be as miserable as you are. Well, you know what? You're the one who chose to settle down and get married, so if you're not as happy in your new life as you were in your old life, then you only have yourself to blame.
Patrick: You can't just stop reminding me of what it used to be like between us, right?

OMFG. While he's right and that Lisa is totally over-the-top when it comes to reminiscing about their wild times together, how pathetic is this, really? I have never heard of anyone becoming so unhinged at college memories that, as much as the show attempts to paint them as groundbreaking in their depravity, amount to drinking beer and getting laid. Does he break down at the sight of a red solo cup?

Lisa then astutely noted that he's trying to mark his territory where she's concerned and told him to go home and sober up, but I'm so totally sure that will stick, until tomorrow when they will probably fall into bed together. Okay, maybe not...I mean, I am sure they will fall into bed together, but it likely won't be tomorrow because since when does Patrick get three days in a row onscreen?

So OBVIOUSLY, he needs a descriptor, because this is just...ugh. But what descriptor to use?! "Toolishly"? "Grossly"? Suggestions are welcome!

Comments

I meant Prickishly. Jeez, I can't spell.

I like Prickishly. :-)

Asshattedly.

"Puhhhlease Scrubs fans what did you expect ?!
You wanted a storyline for them well you have one !
For drama, shock value who are the core of a storyline you will have cheating (one of the less destructive plot, quite easy to redeem actually), kidnapping, baby-switching, murder, rape ect...
No drama = no story = boring Robin and Patrick = off-screen.." ~ sally

See, this is my problem. I'm pretty sure that that's Guza's rationale too. He actually thinks that he is giving people what they want. People probably wrote in wanting more screentime for Robin and Patrick, and so he dreamed up this nightmare of a story. But it is actually possible, you see, to give characters screentime without making them unlikable. There are ways to add drama to a couple without cheating. Robin and Patrick are doctors on a show called General HOSPITAL. They should be the main players! Whatever happened to that euthanasia storyline they were planning? That would have given Robin and Patrick some meaty material without ruining them. Or they could bring back Robert and Anna and have an old-school Scorpio adventure story. Or they could have something family-based with Noah, Patrick, and Matt. And if they absolutely HAD to do a love triangle, wouldn't a Patrick/Robin/Jason one have been far more interesting? Jason and Robin have a ton of great history, and would probably have gotten lots of support, whereas basically EVERYONE is grossed out by Patrick/Lisa, who are just stupid and contrived.

I understand Luanna and yeah what i said is probably Guza rationale too, like for most or even all the others headwriters of the others soaps.
Why can't they do some adventure stories ? Because of the money...it is always the money..money money money..soaps are dying they have no more real support from the networks, they already use their budget for their big events like the carnival this year or some explosions for some Sonny/Jason drama..
The cancer or some other medical storylines bore the audience (or at least it is what the producers and networks believe).
Jason is a character with already lot's of stories and he is always involved in the mob drama, if he has a story with Scrubs they would be once again supporting characters in the mob stories..
You know at least they have been (and still be) together with littles obstacles or drama we can't say the same for lot's of other popular couples with big fanbases who are always screwed-up on a regular basis..

Vomitously?

Might I suggest "Asshatily?"

Might I suggest "Asshatily?"

I like Janet's manwhorishly, myself

Hey, everybody, as much as you hate this storyline, let me guarantee it could be worse for you. Here's how:

About 5 years ago, a friend of mine (let's call him "Patrick") and I did, in fact, set records for groundbreaking depravity. (Trust me on this.) I did a lot of stuff I'm not proud of, and lots of stuff I'm really proud of. It was a rough time of my life, and "Patrick" and I helped each other get through it by being a couple of wild and crazy guys and forgetting our problems and just having fun. But when he decided to settle down, knowing that I wasn't the guy to do it with, though I may have missed my friend, I tried to support "Patrick" in this; however, he kept coming back into my orbit and acting jealous, even though he was the one in a new relationship, and it let to lots of nastiness and stupid fights and more stuff that I'm not proud of.

What I'm saying here is that when Lisa said, "You're the one who chose to settle down and get married, so if you're not as happy in your new life as you were in your old life, then you only have yourself to blame."

It felt like I was looking in a mirror five years ago.

So, no matter how much you hate this storyline, at least you probably can't say to yourself, "God damn it, I was once Lisa."

Hope that makes you feel somewhat better.

I don't mind drama or angst, and it's not like cheating is some big deal breaker for me on a soap, but just because there's cheating here doesn't make the story interesting. Honestly, maybe I could get into the story if I thought Lisa was an interesting character or that the actress could pull of the manipulative bad girl (like Sarah Brown was able to), but she's just kinda giggly and blah and she and Patrick are boring together. Brianna Brown doesn't seem like she's transitioned very well to soaps so I have doubts about her being able to pull of a fatal attraction type of story on a soap, and if that's the case this story is going to be a big snooze. For a lot of actors, soaps are harder to do than primetime b/c you have fewer takes and less time to rehearse (and much worse writing) and I think that's hurting Brianna.

The problem with the storyline is that is poorly written. Why did they have do deconstruct Patrick in order to create drama. I agree with the earlier post there so many other stories to write without going for the quick fix triangle.(Which has been very good...its been a walking neon sign for almost a year.)Where is the drama in that? I always though Robin and Patrick's/l should come from the history of Robin's parents. Getting back to what soaps used to be about family drama over generations. You don't have to blow something up to have an adventure/mystery storyline. A soap use to be about good ole fashion storytelling not just one plot device after another...
I'm torn between manwhore and douchebug

I was thinking jackassedly, but asshattedly, douchebaggedly, and manwhoreishly are better. The trouble is there aren't enough nasty words for sleazy men.

And OMG, this is the boringest cheating coupling ever. Lisa is dulldulldull. Maybe you could go with how dull it is - snoringly? Boringly?

What about Guza-edly?

AssPatily

Since this is all Guza's fault, and because Guza is to blame for everything that sucks on GH, I would like to submit the following terms for your selection/approval: GUZISHLY or GUZILY. GUZILY sounds kind of oozy - which works, of course. But I'm leaning towards GUZISHLY... What do you think?

Can't think of a better word than douchey, to be honest.

You are all the absolute best. These suggestions are delightful and are helping me smile through the pain of this story! I am taking them all under advisement!

How bout Dickory Doc or Pricker Dicker Doc, or even Dickdockery.

No, hah, I actually like Manwhorishly.

I was watching this show (unusual, since I stopped really watching it around two years ago), and think I know what Guza is doing: He wants Patrick to be the rogue Alan was and to step into his shoes. Patrick even has the gray now. That's my best guess, but I'm with everyone else on this story.

To me, Patrick's personality keeps changing. I'm pretty sure with my sporadic viewing I've seen a different Patrick each time.

I also haven't really been watching the show, so I'm not sure how Lisa was playing her part in this story. I like Brianna Brown, but she's not got me glued to the set. She's just another ho-hum character.

Overall, are there any good guys/gals left on this show?

I think "sleazily" is a nice, simple, and very apt term to describe Patrick right now.

If they were really intent on doing a story for Patrick and Robin, they would have done the HIV pregnancy storyline, not reduced the whole thing to a joke, so I'm not convinced that if they want a storyline, it has to be cheating. They had a great one staring in their face and passed on it. They just are WILLING to do a storyline that doesn't involve sleaze (or violence). The blog war thing frustrates me to this day.

Patrick is a man-whore? I don't think so! Go check out Ford on OLTL who has slept with Hannah, Langston and the pizza girl. Heck, Ford had sex with Langston in the same hotel room that she and Marrko lost their virginity last year. If Langston wasn't available then Ford would order a late night pizza and then sleep with the delivery girl! Talk about a douche bag!

douchbagishly. i hate him times five.

To the poster above, they already had Robin do something sleazy and bad - she dated and made out with Brad while married to Patrick.

GH is having a previously decent or charming character act completely out of character to the point of destroying the character and stripping them of any rootability whatsoever?

Must be a day ending in -y.

porkishly. it's more pg :)

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