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« Daytime Emmys Recap: Worst Dressed | Main | Decent Bits and Pieces »

June 29, 2010

Desperately Seeking a Descriptor

It seems so long ago that Patrick Drake could appear onscreen without the audience performing a synchronized gag/eyeroll combination, doesn't it? If I didn't have a blog that serves as an archive of all of my soap related thoughts, I would scarcely believe that there was once a time that I exhibited slavish devotion to Patrick and described his every action as being "hotly" done.

Then Night Shift, season one, came along and effectively murdered the "hotly", which was replaced with [REDACTED]. The [REDACTED] was then lifted for good behavior and he went descriptor-free until recently, when I floated the notion of using the word "pissily" because ohmigod, what a petulant brat he can be, but this week, "pissily" flew out the window and I am at a loss, which is where you all come in.

Lisa: Yeah, because you think that you can slow-dance with me whenever you want, right? Well, that's not gonna happen, Patrick.

Patrick: You're not gonna be happy with Steve Webber.

Lisa: Ok, you would love for me to pine for you while you're happily married--or at least, that's what you keep telling everyone--and just wait for whatever crumbs you feel like throwin' me. All right, well, that is not gonna happen.

Patrick: You've been tryin' to get my attention for months. Well, you have it. So what are you gonna do with it?

While disgusting, this was in character for Patrick, who has an established history of using cheesy and awkward come-ons.



Patrick: Don't act like that kiss came out of nowhere. You've been flirting with me for months in front of Robin, reminding me of all the college days, making sure I remember what it used to be like. Asking me for a consult in the locker room so I could see you half naked.

I really enjoy how he is trying to have the upper hand in this conversation by admitting that he's completely aware that she's been relentlessly flirting with him and trying to entice him, and that he did nothing to stop it. THE HIGH HORSE WILL BUCK YOU RIGHT OFF FOR THAT, PATRICK.

Lisa: All right, you know it's easy for you to turn this around on me and make it seem like I'm some homewrecker when you're the one that is clearly unhappy in your marriage.
Patrick: That--I love Robin.

Uh, way to evade the issue of being happily married, Patrick.

Lisa: Okay, then why do you care who I sleep with? Your head practically exploded when you saw that Steve and I were seeing one another.
Patrick: That's what it's about, right? Get a little attention from Steve, make me jealous.
Lisa: Oh my god. I've always known that you're arrogant, but this is taking it to a whole new level, okay? Because I am with Steve because he's a decent guy and we have fun together.

That's the saddest attempt to talk someone up that I've ever seen. She couldn't have even upgraded him to being a "good guy"? Ouch.

Lisa: And that's the problem, isn't it? You want everyone to be as miserable as you are. Well, you know what? You're the one who chose to settle down and get married, so if you're not as happy in your new life as you were in your old life, then you only have yourself to blame.
Patrick: You can't just stop reminding me of what it used to be like between us, right?

OMFG. While he's right and that Lisa is totally over-the-top when it comes to reminiscing about their wild times together, how pathetic is this, really? I have never heard of anyone becoming so unhinged at college memories that, as much as the show attempts to paint them as groundbreaking in their depravity, amount to drinking beer and getting laid. Does he break down at the sight of a red solo cup?

Lisa then astutely noted that he's trying to mark his territory where she's concerned and told him to go home and sober up, but I'm so totally sure that will stick, until tomorrow when they will probably fall into bed together. Okay, maybe not...I mean, I am sure they will fall into bed together, but it likely won't be tomorrow because since when does Patrick get three days in a row onscreen?

So OBVIOUSLY, he needs a descriptor, because this is just...ugh. But what descriptor to use?! "Toolishly"? "Grossly"? Suggestions are welcome!


How about simply 'disgustingly'? Because that would describe his scenes with Lisa for sure...

Other possibilities:

as disgusted as i was and still am, i have to agree with Sally, if your not in the mob or cheating on your significant other you will NOT get a storyline on this show, Soap couples last all of 5 mins 10 if we're lucky, as much as we'd like to think we'd be happy to see our favs kept together i think eventually taking in to account also the poor writing of this show we'd get bored, my issue with the whole thing is the totally douchebaggery of the way the writers seem to like to remove any likeable qualities these character once had, Patrick went through a lot of character development over the years, got married had a beautiful baby girl (well the latter came first) and now just for the sake of old time they threw that away for some random old college hook up. Three months of "remember when we made out in college and then drunk beers and you slept with everything that had a hole... good times" is not interesting TV it's sad and pathetic just like my crush on Steve Burton... (please don't tell anyone)

Patrick spoke poorly of Sonny. Hence, he must now undergo gross character assassination. Clearly.

I call this dude "Pod" Patrick. This is always my descriptor for when Guza sleazes up Scrubs. All roads lead to the fact that Robin's 'love beyond reason' Patrick has left the building and the "Pod" Patrick has arrived. By the way Pod Patrick's attractiveness suffers every time...along with Robin.


I quit watching about a month ago, after a. almost breaking the television when I wanted to throw something at Sonny, b. getting a migraine for eye-rolling and c. realizing I hated every character on the show at this point. There was nothing left.

well, well, well.....i can truly say, I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH GENERAL HOSPITAL!!!! Guza, how dare you do that to Robin and Patrick!!!! They "were" (I say were because, HOPEFULLY when robin finds out she leaves him!!!) the best and only couple on here that was actually likable and entertaining!!!! Now, I can't even watch gh anymore because of what patrick did with that, that...home wrecker!!!!! I could understand if she was pretty....but nooooo, she is NOT!!!! she knew what she was doing the whole time!!! you might as well stick her with sonny, jax, and jason too, etc!!!!! I can't even watch them (The drakes) on youtube anymore!!!!! GUZA, YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO SOAPS!!!! where is passions.....at least with them we knew what we were getting with he/she's and clowns and stuff!!!!!!

The best thing this awful soap had going for it was Robin & Patrick and now they got nothing. I was never keen on Patrick but he "won" me over when he became a "man" and loved his daughter and proposed marriage to Robin 3x! I loved it! I can't believe this is the same man that while his wife is off in Africa he's not only not spending more time with his daughter but he's hangging at Jake's and cheating with a very obvious/obnoxious slut! And than after the deed is done ( which by the way wasn't all that cuz Patty couldn't wait to book ) and Robin came home Patrick has the nerve to tell her right in her pretty face "I love you so much and I don't ever wanna lose you" - He's full of crap and I hope he drops dead!

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