Do's and Don'ts in Port Charles
There are many DO's and DON'Ts that invariably come up during a conversation about General Hospital: DON'T watch this show because it's an ungodly mess. DON'T ever be tricked by the fleeting moments of quality into thinking that this show is on a creative upswing. DO enjoy the brief glimpses you get of Jonathan Jackson, Tyler Christopher, Becky Herbst and anyone remotely related to the Quartermaines, because that's all you're going to get since they've basically been reduced to day-players.
But the biggest of the GH DON'Ts continues to be Maxie's hairdo, as in "There are so many don'ts in Maxie's 'do that there was a moment this afternoon where I seriously worried about going blind and what would happen to me then? I'd learn to adapt, I'm sure, but how humiliating would it be to explain the story of my blindness to people?"
I have three questions. 1.) What is that? 2.) Why would Kirsten Storms do that? 3.) How did no one run around the set screaming, "Big mistake! Big mistake! Abort mission!" while grabbing random sets of hair extensions?
Kirsten Storms is famous for switching up her hairstyles, and I applaud that, since I am exactly the opposite (there was a depressing event last year where a request for a haircut of an inch or two led to a Katie Holmes chin length bob, and I was on the couch for days crying). I just wish that she had a pal or a confidante to tell her, "Uh, that's even worse than the cheap looking BJ wig they put you in". It distracted me to no end today.
Although perhaps that was a good thing, since there is another Maxie DON'T: her personality. When she went to visit Jason today about the picture she received from Franco, I winced.
Maxie: I want you to catch Franco.
Jason, gesturing around as if to say, "I'm in fucking prison, you dumbass": That's not going to happen.
Maxie: Yeah, you have to protect Michael. I get that, but still--
Jason: Michael's gone home. He was released today.
Maxie: Get them to let you out of here, Jason. You let yourself get sent to prison for two years so you could protect Michael for a few weeks? That's the most selfish thing you've ever done. Spinelli is basically in freefall and I am the target of a freaking maniac. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Jason: Okay. Take the picture to Claire. I'm counting on you, okay?
Maxie: Don't try to be nice. This is all your fault.
I had to rewind this scene, like, five times because I couldn't hear anything over the sound of me saying, "Ugggggggggh". There is so much that is annoying about it, the most annoying being the assumption that Jason being a HITMAN is not something he should be ashamed of, but "deserting" Spinelli and Maxie in their time of "need" is. As I groaned, out loud, earlier this afternoon, "Uggggggggh".
Lulu, though? Is a DO. Olivia, upset over her breakup with Johnny, came over to plead with Lulu (in front of an intrigued Brooklyn, who was delighted to be drinking all of this drama in) to intervene with Johnny and get him to stay away from Kristina. Lulu awesomely hit Olivia with some knowledge:
Lulu: I'm not defending Johnny at all but, I mean, he'd have to go a very, very long way to be anywhere near as bad as Sonny...I can understand why Johnny and Kristina would want to make Sonny suffer.
Olivia: But not this, honey. That's outta line--everybody's selfish with this.
Lulu: I'm sorry, Olivia, but what's out of line is that you would take Sonny's side on anything. Dante almost died because Sonny shot him. How you can defend him over Johnny, the man that you love, is beyond me.
Olivia: So you're saying it's okay that Johnny is sleeping with Kristina to get revenge?
Lulu: No. But what Johnny does is his business. I'm sorry, but I have to stay out of it. But if Johnny can drive Sonny crazy, more power to him.
THANK YOU, Lulu, for pointing out the many reasons why it's ludicrous for Olivia to treat/talk to/talk about Sonny with anything but seething hatred. I mean, I still think she should probably go over and chat with Johnny about the reasons it's not so great to be dating a fragile seventeen-year-old, but her argument is sound: doing things to hurt, irritate or otherwise screw with Sonny is always the best course of action.
More DO's and DON'Ts:
DON'T: Everyone showing up at Johnny's door. How insulting to Johnny that everyone figures he has no life and will surely be hanging out at home no matter what time of day it is. I mean, they wind up being right (for a hot, young mobster, he's kind of a homebody), but it just amuses me that nobody calls or texts ahead of time.
DON'T: The guard at Pentonville's skeevy line to Jason about his conjugal visit--"If my old lady looked like your Brenda, I'd at least have a smile on my face". Ew.
Sam did look adorable, though, but way to have the same genius plan that Carly used the last time Jason was in prison. I guess if the GH writers aren't capable of originality, the characters wouldn't be, either.
DO: Emma's bright dress and pigtails. How freaking adorable is she?!
DO: The unintentional hilarity of Steven trying to make Patrick feel better about Robin's trip being extended.
Steven: If it ever gets lonely while she's gone, you can hang out with us.
If Emma hadn't been present, I seriously would have expected some porno music to start playing, because it totally sounded like a come-on.
DO: Dante telling Sonny, multiple times, that he's a selfish piece of garbage and a horrible excuse for a father.
Dante: You refuse to see who you really are. You surround yourself with people who worship you, and tell you you can do no wrong.
Sonny: I'm not perfect. I never said I was. Not even close. But the only thing I have left right now, Dante, are my children.
Dante: Maybe you should love them more and yourself less.
Dante: This isn't about you! You said you wanted redemption. Here is your chance. Do the selfless thing. Just stay away from Michael.
DON'T: Dante's words going in one ear and out the other, since Sonny showed up at Dante's at the end of the episode with a big old grin on his face.
DO: The look on Sonny's face when Dante told him he was a bad influence on Michael.
He was so obviously thinking, "Yeah? Yeah. Well, Judge Carroll...is a bad influence...on stuff. And things"
DON'T: Molly. How is the daughter of Ric and Alexis so unbearably irritating? Her constant refrain of "Michael was just protecting his mom and his baby sister" is like nails on a chalkboard to me, as was her whining when Dante came to took Michael back to his place. "It's not fair, he just got here". Ugh! She started off so adorably precocious and now I just want to mute her.
DON'T: Maybe this was just a bad day for the Davis women, because her mother wasn't thinking clearly either.
Alexis: Michael adores you. Let's hope that rubs off on her.
Yeah, that's the hope you should be hoping for Kristina. That she catches her brother's blind worship of their father. Right. You are smarter and more rational than that, Alexis!
DO: Morgan may be a child, but he's smart enough to realize that his brother, with his rage issues and desire to be a part of Sonny's criminal empire, will kill again.
Morgan: You should be a lawyer, so next time you'll be too smart to go to prison.
DO: The heartwarming discussion of Jax adopting Morgan.
Molly: Now that Michael's out of prison, does that mean Jax isn't going to adopt Michael anymore?
Jax: I'm still going to adopt Morgan.
Carly: I'd like that.
Morgan: Jax already feels like my dad. It's just having the court put it in writing.
It was so cute! I may have literally "Aww!"ed at the sentiment behind all of that, and at Josslyn's big fat head.
I continue to love fat headed babies.