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« Countdown to the Emmys Day 1: Outstanding Younger Actor | Main | The Components of Cruel and Unusual Punishment »

June 21, 2010

Do's and Don'ts in Port Charles

There are many DO's and DON'Ts that invariably come up during a conversation about General Hospital: DON'T watch this show because it's an ungodly mess. DON'T ever be tricked by the fleeting moments of quality into thinking that this show is on a creative upswing. DO enjoy the brief glimpses you get of Jonathan Jackson, Tyler Christopher, Becky Herbst and anyone remotely related to the Quartermaines, because that's all you're going to get since they've basically been reduced to day-players.

But the biggest of the GH DON'Ts continues to be Maxie's hairdo, as in "There are so many don'ts in Maxie's 'do that there was a moment this afternoon where I seriously worried about going blind and what would happen to me then? I'd learn to adapt, I'm sure, but how humiliating would it be to explain the story of my blindness to people?"

Maxie1


Maxie2


Maxiebehind

 
I have three questions. 1.) What is that? 2.) Why would Kirsten Storms do that? 3.) How did no one run around the set screaming, "Big mistake! Big mistake! Abort mission!" while grabbing random sets of hair extensions?

Kirsten Storms is famous for switching up her hairstyles, and I applaud that, since I am exactly the opposite (there was a depressing event last year where a request for a haircut of an inch or two led to a Katie Holmes chin length bob, and I was on the couch for days crying). I just wish that she had a pal or a confidante to tell her, "Uh, that's even worse than the cheap looking BJ wig they put you in". It distracted me to no end today.

Although perhaps that was a good thing, since there is another Maxie DON'T: her personality. When she went to visit Jason today about the picture she received from Franco, I winced.

Maxie: I want you to catch Franco.
Jason, gesturing around as if to say, "I'm in fucking prison, you dumbass": That's not going to happen.
Maxie: Yeah, you have to protect Michael. I get that, but still--
Jason: Michael's gone home. He was released today.
Maxie: Get them to let you out of here, Jason. You let yourself get sent to prison for two years so you could protect Michael for a few weeks? That's the most selfish thing you've ever done. Spinelli is basically in freefall and I am the target of a freaking maniac. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Jason: Okay. Take the picture to Claire. I'm counting on you, okay?
Maxie: Don't try to be nice. This is all your fault.

I had to rewind this scene, like, five times because I couldn't hear anything over the sound of me saying, "Ugggggggggh". There is so much that is annoying about it, the most annoying being the assumption that Jason being a HITMAN is not something he should be ashamed of, but "deserting" Spinelli and Maxie in their time of "need" is. As I groaned, out loud, earlier this afternoon, "Uggggggggh".

Lulu, though? Is a DO. Olivia, upset over her breakup with Johnny, came over to plead with Lulu (in front of an intrigued Brooklyn, who was delighted to be drinking all of this drama in) to intervene with Johnny and get him to stay away from Kristina. Lulu awesomely hit Olivia with some knowledge:

Lulu: I'm not defending Johnny at all but, I mean, he'd have to go a very, very long way to be anywhere near as bad as Sonny...I can understand why Johnny and Kristina would want to make Sonny suffer.
Olivia: But not this, honey. That's outta line--everybody's selfish with this.
Lulu: I'm sorry, Olivia, but what's out of line is that you would take Sonny's side on anything. Dante almost died because Sonny shot him. How you can defend him over Johnny, the man that you love, is beyond me. 
Olivia: So you're saying it's okay that Johnny is sleeping with Kristina to get revenge?
Lulu: No. But what Johnny does is his business. I'm sorry, but I have to stay out of it. But if Johnny can drive Sonny crazy, more power to him.

THANK YOU, Lulu, for pointing out the many reasons why it's ludicrous for Olivia to treat/talk to/talk about Sonny with anything but seething hatred. I mean, I still think she should probably go over and chat with Johnny about the reasons it's not so great to be dating a fragile seventeen-year-old, but her argument is sound: doing things to hurt, irritate or otherwise screw with Sonny is always the best course of action.

More DO's and DON'Ts:

DON'T: Everyone showing up at Johnny's door. How insulting to Johnny that everyone figures he has no life and will surely be hanging out at home no matter what time of day it is. I mean, they wind up being right (for a hot, young mobster, he's kind of a homebody), but it just amuses me that nobody calls or texts ahead of time.

DON'T: The guard at Pentonville's skeevy line to Jason about his conjugal visit--"If my old lady looked like your Brenda, I'd at least have a smile on my face". Ew.

Sam

 
Sam did look adorable, though, but way to have the same genius plan that Carly used the last time Jason was in prison. I guess if the GH writers aren't capable of originality, the characters wouldn't be, either.

DO: Emma's bright dress and pigtails. How freaking adorable is she?!

Patrickemma

 
DO: The unintentional hilarity of Steven trying to make Patrick feel better about Robin's trip being extended.

Steven: If it ever gets lonely while she's gone, you can hang out with us.

If Emma hadn't been present, I seriously would have expected some porno music to start playing, because it totally sounded like a come-on.

DO: Dante telling Sonny, multiple times, that he's a selfish piece of garbage and a horrible excuse for a father.

Dante: You refuse to see who you really are. You surround yourself with people who worship you, and tell you you can do no wrong.
Sonny: I'm not perfect. I never said I was. Not even close. But the only thing I have left right now, Dante, are my children.
Dante: Maybe you should love them more and yourself less.

Dante: This isn't about you! You said you wanted redemption. Here is your chance. Do the selfless thing. Just stay away from Michael.

DON'T: Dante's words going in one ear and out the other, since Sonny showed up at Dante's at the end of the episode with a big old grin on his face.

DO: The look on Sonny's face when Dante told him he was a bad influence on Michael.

Sonnydante

He was so obviously thinking, "Yeah? Yeah. Well, Judge Carroll...is a bad influence...on stuff. And things"

DON'T: Molly. How is the daughter of Ric and Alexis so unbearably irritating? Her constant refrain of "Michael was just protecting his mom and his baby sister" is like nails on a chalkboard to me, as was her whining when Dante came to took Michael back to his place. "It's not fair, he just got here". Ugh! She started off so adorably precocious and now I just want to mute her.

DON'T: Maybe this was just a bad day for the Davis women, because her mother wasn't thinking clearly either.

Alexis: Michael adores you. Let's hope that rubs off on her.

Yeah, that's the hope you should be hoping for Kristina. That she catches her brother's blind worship of their father. Right. You are smarter and more rational than that, Alexis!

DO: Morgan may be a child, but he's smart enough to realize that his brother, with his rage issues and desire to be a part of Sonny's criminal empire, will kill again.

Morgan: You should be a lawyer, so next time you'll be too smart to go to prison.

Hilarious.

DO: The heartwarming discussion of Jax adopting Morgan.

Molly: Now that Michael's out of prison, does that mean Jax isn't going to adopt Michael anymore?
Jax: I'm still going to adopt Morgan.
Carly: I'd like that.
Morgan: Jax already feels like my dad. It's just having the court put it in writing.

It was so cute! I may have literally "Aww!"ed at the sentiment behind all of that, and at Josslyn's big fat head.

Joss

 
I continue to love fat headed babies. 

Comments

Is it me or is Maxie dangerously close to the Kate Gosselin dead-porcupine-reverse-mullet weave? All she needs is the porcupine part. She's about as batshit nuts as Kate Gosselin.

E-fuckin-gads.

I like it.

The blasphemy of anything involving Sam having to do with MyBrenda. Feh. Spit.Sickening.

Have all the skeevy prison sex you want with Borgy. Just leave Brenda out of the equation.

I yelled at the TV when Alexis said that about Kristina. Then I, of course, thought of you guys.

Alexis: Michael adores you. Let's hope that rubs off on her.

I can't believe that Alexis actually said this...wtf is wrong with this awful show!?!

Why is this show bothering to do this "Sonny is not as nice as everyone makes him out to be" storyline if the end is going to be something along the lines of, "I don't know why I didn't see it sooner! You're a good guy Sonny. I'm sorry for doubting you."? Because there is no way they're going to be able to make Sonny see just how horrible he really is if they keep doing all this backtracking.

this show continues to repulse me.

although I do love Johnny and K's plan to make Sonny suffer. Hee hee

Don't you know that Kirsten Storms is friends with Farah Fath, another actress famous for changing her hairstyle on a whim? And seeing as how she's recently adopted a new shade of "Blinding Blond" I must conclude that this was one hair appointment these girls shared.

Last week for one episode Maxie did have the dreaded Kate Gosselin 'do. It was all chopped and raggedy and darker in the back. When she first appeared yesterday I thought, "Oh good, she realized how bad that hairdo was and changed it," and then I got the full effect of her new 'do and realized it was just as awful as the Kate 'do. I can't decide if it looks worse from the front or the back. Both sides are equally disturbing!

I don't mind it from the front, but than she turns around and ... yeah ... epic failure!

First, Mallory, you are not the only one to have cried over a haircut (and thought seriously about how you could make a hat work in the corporate environment for, say, the next three months), so I feel your pain.

There was an episode a year plus back, when Maxie and Johnny were on their "PR dates" (the time they went by Sonny's to pick up Ric after Claudia tried to kill him - LOVED Maxie's line that day, "Finally, there's someone more screwed up than me." LOL)where Maxie had some gorgeous extensions in her hair and I thought to myself, I DO hope she lets her hair grow long seeing how great that length hair looks on her. Alas, it was not to be.

Referencing a late post on the Emmy discusssion, I do hope that Sarah Joy Brown and Drew Garrett win Emmy's, just to spite the "geniuses" at GH that let that talent get away. You can see the post for the rest of what I wrote, but it would serve GH right if the ONLY two Emmy's they won (with all those nominations - but notably, they did not get one for best writing - I know, we're all shocked), were for talented actors they dismissed (or gave totally crappy material to).

The fat headed baby makes everythink ok. I am going to be so sad when they replace here with a regular headed baby :(

I must say Chad worked with adorabble fatheaded baby very well and resisted the temptation to just forget all about the whole lines and shooting a show thing and just play with her...which you all know would be completely more facinating that what we've gotten in this "Hey lets see how many times we can mention Franco and Brenda so the five people that don't read spoilers are totally not surprised when they show up later on this summer!" period.

I co-sign Donna's post.

As for KS's hair, I kid you not, I went from watching OLTL to GH and saw both her and Farah Fath's hair. I said before that KS shouldn't be seeing FF's hairdresser, but I'm going to go with Rameau and put out there I think they went to an appointment together b/c MY GOD!!!

Josslyn was cute with Michael and later when she was doing little high kicks in "that woman who birthed her's" lap.

Emma was totally giving Lisa the evil eye while clearly thinking "Mommy would NOT approve!"

How bout- Steven & Lisa: DON'T eat your ice cream cones RIGHT IN FRONT OF BABY EMMA! LOL!

'Jason, gesturing around as if to say, "I'm in fucking prison, you dumbass": That's not going to happen. '

This made me LOL

Let me know when Franco comes on the show...so I can Youtube his clips from the show (mmmmm James Franco). I seriously cannot watch that show right now.

I sort of fell out of watching the show during the "trial" a couple months ago, and you know what? I don't miss it! Great job, GH writers, you cured me of my 28-year addiction to this show!

I kinda like Maxie's hair. I have an almost similar cut except mine isn't stacked in the back. But the cool thing about Kristen is they could shave her head and she would still look good... Now that I think about it think I am going to take the pictures of the back of her head to my stylist so I can't get mine to look like that... :) My girl crush is too strong with you guys to hate on your for not liking Maxies hair. LOL.

Ha! Enjoying Tyler Christopher's scenes? Yeah, right. I haven't enjoyed a scene with Tyler Christopher in it in 3 years. (Okay, that's a lie: I almost always enjoy his scenes with Jonathan Jackson. But I enjoy those in SPITE of Tyler Christopher, not because of him.) I'll start enjoying his scenes when he starts putting actual effort into them.

Well seeing as how KS's best friend and one time, if not still, roommate is none other than Farah Fath (Gigi Morasco, OLTL; ex-Mimi Lockhart, DOOL), um, maybe her "pal" was the one who encouraged it.
;0/

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