I Made A Wrong Turn Somewhere
"What did you do last night, Mallory?" somebody could hypothetically ask me tomorrow. "Oh," I will say, "I wrote about General Hospital and how Sam talked to Jason in prison and tried to initiate phone sex". "Your parents must be proud," they will say awkwardly. "This is what my life has become," I will acknowledge sadly. They will then look at me askance a moment longer before fleeing.
It says a lot about this show that when they shoot for light-hearted and zany, the end result is scenes that have me afraid that I'm going to end up on an FBI watch list of some sort.
Jason: Hey, it's me.
Sam: Hey! Guess where I am right now? I'll give you a hint...there are bubbles.
Jason: Uh, are you in a hot tub?
This part was legitimately amusing, thanks to the consternation visible on the inmate waiting in line behind Jason.
My thoughts exactly, Inmate.
Sam: No, no. Not the hot tub, but it is definitely wet, and I'm not wearing a bathing suit...what do you think I'm wearing?
Jason: I don't...I don't know.
Sam: I'm not wearing anything.
Jason: Uh, a bathtub?
Sam: Ding ding ding ding! You've got it. I'm in the bathtub, and I'm thinking about you. Are you thinking about me?
Sam: Ummm? Come on! What? Say it? Come on, aren't you going to tell me that you are thinking about me naked in the bathtub?
Jason: Yeah, um. I'm thinking about you.
Sam: Okay, well, I guess that's a start.
Guard: This will be the last call, guys. Five minutes, Morgan.
Sam: Oooh, you had an audience [I was going to make a snarky comment about how of course he had an audience, you twit, he's in prison! Why would this be a private call? But then I remembered how NOTHING ELSE AT ALL about Pentonville is the way real prison is, so, really, Sam wasn't being too dumb here--Ed.]
Jason: Uh, yeah. Uh...I'm alone now. I miss you.
Why did that happen?! I feel very sad and uncomfortable, and now my mind is wandering about what happened after the episode ended, and then the uncomfortable feelings came back and I wish I was blind.
It's especially sad that this...thing happened, because Thursday's episode actually generated a surprising amount of goodwill from me (naturally, this is because I fast forwarded through most of it, including all things Sonny and Dante. It's crazy how much better things are when you don't watch Sonny ordering hits on people), thanks to Lucky looking adorably befuddled at the increasingly absurd discussion about Luke and Tracy's love life, and fat-headed Josslyn being all fat-headed and adorable.
But they couldn't just let me have that! No, we had to go to the Jason...doing stuff....in his cell, place, and ruin everything.