There Is Just So Much Wrong In This World
These things actually for real happened on General Hospital today:
*Sam offered to marry Jason so that they would qualify for conjugal visits, which I'm pretty sure I brought on myself, by always asking for more romance in the afternoon. I just didn't exactly mean this kind of romance, where the proposal takes place in a prison and is accepted by a hitman with the words "I'll do whatever you want"...
Jason: How bad do I want to kiss you right now?
Sam: I know. I wish I could, too, Jason. I hate that you have to be married to qualify for conjugal visits. Okay, I really hate to bring this up. I know that you have a lot on your mind and, well, this is really unfair--
Jason: Are you saying that you want to break up?
Sam: Break up? No. No! I'm asking if you want to get married.
Jason: I haven't given marriage much thought, you know, being in here.
Sam: You have so much on your mind, I know.
Jason: I'll do whatever you want.
*Max and Diane had a conversation about Michael's virginity and his birthday wish for Max to get him a hooker, and it did lead to the hilarity of Max listing all of the synonyms for hooker, as well as Diane's utterly horrified reaction when she learned that Max intends to remain celibate until Michael is released from Pentonville ("COLEMAN! I need a shot. Bring the bottle"), but...what on earth have we done to deserve this?
*Maurice Benard got a paycheck for ambling onscreen to halfheartedly recite the same lines of dialogue he's had for the past four months, punctuating every third word with a long pause that he doesn't bother to cover as he tries to recover the word he lost
Sonny: I did you, I did what I told you I was going to do. Make Johnny ::takes a long pause and makes absurd hand gestures to possibly distract from the fact that he is taking a long pause and it honestly looks as though he's going to do the robot::
angry enough, stupid enough to come after me, which isn't very difficult to do and then you step in and arrest him.
One the one hand, all I can do is quote Cathy and say "ACK!" (and judge myself, because I say "ACK!" completely with the Cathy reference far too often for someone my age, and for someone who pretends to have good taste in things). On the other hand, as horrifying as these moments were, they at least provided a welcome distraction from the rest of the show, which was all about Carly's inane plot to ruin Dante, and Jason's long bonding sesh with Michael about how great Jason is, and how Jason takes such good care of everyone and how there is no other hitman in the world like him.
Well, "welcome" is probably overstating things a bit, unless you consider dry heaving more welcome than simply falling asleep.