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« Smug Mugs | Main | Wednesday's Show Is Full Of Woe »

June 01, 2010

There Is Just So Much Wrong In This World

These things actually for real happened on General Hospital today:

*Sam offered to marry Jason so that they would qualify for conjugal visits, which I'm pretty sure I brought on myself, by always asking for more romance in the afternoon. I just didn't exactly mean this kind of romance, where the proposal takes place in a prison and is accepted by a hitman with the words "I'll do whatever you want"...

Jason: How bad do I want to kiss you right now?
Sam: I know. I wish I could, too, Jason. I hate that you have to be married to qualify for conjugal visits. Okay, I really hate to bring this up. I know that you have a lot on your mind and, well, this is really unfair--
Jason: Are you saying that you want to break up?
Sam: Break up? No. No! I'm asking if you want to get married.
Jason: I haven't given marriage much thought, you know, being in here.
Sam: You have so much on your mind, I know.
Jason: I'll do whatever you want.

*Max and Diane had a conversation about Michael's virginity and his birthday wish for Max to get him a hooker, and it did lead to the hilarity of Max listing all of the synonyms for hooker, as well as Diane's utterly horrified reaction when she learned that Max intends to remain celibate until Michael is released from Pentonville ("COLEMAN! I need a shot. Bring the bottle"), but...what on earth have we done to deserve this?

*Maurice Benard got a paycheck for ambling onscreen to halfheartedly recite the same lines of dialogue he's had for the past four months, punctuating every third word with a long pause that he doesn't bother to cover as he tries to recover the word he lost

Sonny: I did you, I did what I told you I was going to do. Make Johnny ::takes a long pause and makes absurd hand gestures to possibly distract from the fact that he is taking a long pause and it honestly looks as though he's going to do the robot::


angry enough, stupid enough to come after me, which isn't very difficult to do and then you step in and arrest him. 

One the one hand, all I can do is quote Cathy and say "ACK!" (and judge myself, because I say "ACK!" completely with the Cathy reference far too often for someone my age, and for someone who pretends to have good taste in things). On the other hand, as horrifying as these moments were, they at least provided a welcome distraction from the rest of the show, which was all about Carly's inane plot to ruin Dante, and Jason's long bonding sesh with Michael about how great Jason is, and how Jason takes such good care of everyone and how there is no other hitman in the world like him.

Well, "welcome" is probably overstating things a bit, unless you consider dry heaving more welcome than simply falling asleep.


I would just like to know how come the idea that conjugal visits were only for married people is this new concept to Sam and Jason. Maybe I watch far too much court type shows but I thought that was pretty common knowledge.....

There is officially not a single plot on this show that makes any sort of sense. Not a one! Even the ones that make sense in theory....are stupid in execution.

Jason has been acting like A.J. rammed his head into that tree years ago, all he thinks about is s-e-x and whether or not he's going to get laid. How pathetic. This character has not grown at all......

Well, as GH proposals go, it's not the worst. I mean, nothing will ever top "So you wanna?" in the romance department, amiright?

Mary Beth, do you mean Sonny's "I've got two mintues" to Clod. THAT was romance.

Maybe it was because I haven't watched in a few weeks (and I only accidentally watched what I saw today), but when the show opened on Jason saying, "How much do I want to kiss you right now." I completely expected to see Michael at the other side of the table and it make me ill. The Jasam discussion didn't do a lot to ease that pain.

Is it just me or is the notion of Max discussing Michael's sexual status nasty? I guess it is a federal offense for an eighteen-year-old boy to be a virgin. GMAB.

And Sam really lowers the bar when it comes to men, doesn't she? The notion of him putting Michael's safety before her feelings is offensive enough, but HER proposing to HIM, FGS?

I actually didn't mind that Sam proposed to Jason. I thought it was sort of cute how he asked if she was saying she wanted to break up, and she sort of laughed and said "Break up? No! No, I'm asking if you want to get married." Although I often find JaSam cute in spite of myself, because I still have a soft spot for them from the time when I used to LOVE them (this time being both before Jason came completely horrible and before he threatened to kill her.)
I have no idea what was up with Max being all "Waah, I didn't get Michael a hooker!" except that if it's true that teenagers are too impressionable to differentiate between fiction and reality (which is nonsense, in my opinion), we are now going to have a bunch of teenagers screaming "YOU DIDN'T GET ME A HOOKER FOR MY BIRTHDAY! WHAT IF I GO TO JAIL?" at their parents. Which is a sort of hilarious mental image, actually.
More importantly, has Carly finally lost it? First she decides that the best way to help Michael would be some twisted revenge scheme which involves turning Ned Ashton's daughter into a hooker (NOT COOL, GH. Not cool!) and now she's pushing Sonny to sleep with Claire? Has she finally gone completely nuts?
Also, what was up with Lucky randomly punching a wall? What was up with his ENTIRE scenes for the day then being about how he hurt his hand? I thought we were supposed to be done with Lucky being written as the pathetic guy who can't walk down the street without hurting himself. And while, yes, I know, hurting your hand is what would happen if you punched a wall, I'm convinced that were there ever a scene of JASON punching a wall, the wall would crack, or something. Because Guza totally thinks that Jason is a superhero and Lucky is "weak", or something. Not cool, Guza!

Okay, I am coming out of the lurking to say goodby. I haven't watched the show in at least 2 months and would keep up by reading you all, because your comments are so amusing and so on point. But now, it's all over. I just can't stand any of the characters and the total obsession with criminals and mob stuff is too much for me to handle. I watched GH for escape, like reading romance novels or M.C. Beaton English mysteries. Who wants to watch these horrible characters who constantly do horribly stupid things and never, ever are punished. So this is goodby to GH, the show that I watched with my grandma when I was a little girl many, many years ago. ABC should hire you two and some of your commenters. They might just have a chance to save the show. Oh that's right, I forgot, ABC doesn't want to save the show.

Well, at least we know Carly's an equal opportunity pimp -- first Brook Lynn and now Sonny.

It's amusing to me that Carly thinks every woman lets their vagina do their thinking for them like she does (and with Carly I use the word "thinking" VERY loosely). Claire didn't want Michael to go to prison in the first place, so why would Sonny sleeping with her do anything to help Michael?

Also, Claire's a prosecutor, not, oh, say, an appellate judge - who might actually have some say over getting Michael out of prison, so again, WHY? I should have long ago abandoned any hope of even the slightest reality or even general common sense in GH's "legal" or "criminal justice" storylines (using both those terms loosely as well, since there is no real criminal justice on GH as the criminals are the heroes who ALWAYS go free and are so unfairly targeted by those incompetent and corrupt cops, D.A.'s and judges...), but COME ON! IF Sonny did sleep with Claire, WHAT does Carly think will happen? Is it supposed to be like when the Princess kissed the frog and he magically turned into a prince? But in this case, the gates of Pentonville will magically swing open and Michael can come skipping home to his "wonderful" parents?

Why do all the women on GH have to succumb to Guza-itis? For those who are unfamiliar with this particular disease, it’s a chronic condition where every female character, including those that start out smart, independent, capable and (dare I say) normal, suddenly and inexplicably turns into a neurotic, co-dependent, incompetent, emotionally unstable, whiny, desperate, dimwitted, crazy shrew. It usually occurs whenever women come in contact with any post-pubescent penis in Port Charles (usually Sonny's, but as Liz's recent complete breakdown and Sam's return to "Jason’s rah-rah girl" status demonstrates, it happens in other cases too).

The "getting Michael a hooker" discussion was just too bizarre for words. Although, given her recent behavior, maybe it's just setting up for Max to have more scenes with Carly in the future.

I was so disgusted by Sam's whole "conjugal visit" thing. Ugh.

At least the show seems to acknowledge that Carly is stone cold crazy right now. At least that's how Laura Wright it playing her Dante revenge.

And I need to get this chronology straight: Sonny, Lois, Kate, and Olivia all grew up together in Bensonhurst. They are roughly the same age. Dante and Brooke Lynn are about the same age. I remember full grown adult Lois having Brooke Lynn, but Olivia had Dante when she was a teenager, right? I know it's a soap, but ::eyeroll::.

Sam is pathetic. She's so starved for sex that she'd humiliate herself over a man that treated her like crap over and over. Lucky's new found perfectness is starting to get on my last nerve. I'm literally waiting for roses to come out of his ass. Just set him up already, all this stupid chem testing is lame. Sonny is gonna nail Claire, it's obvious, she's Hannah v.2. Carly is a piece of work. She puts the E in CrazE.

You've said it before and I'll say it again, this show is an asshole.

Oh, the romance of it all. One of the worst "proposals" ever.

I haven't watched GH in awhile, so when I first heard about the possibility of Jason and Sam getting married for prison conjugal visits, I was surprised because Jason is pretty much a sexual camel. Then I remembered that Sam can't go 1 month without going into heat and 3 months without getting laid, so she's just protecting her fidelity. Given that they've been bound together for over 5 years without making it to the alter, it's sweet...it really is.

Since there is so much wrong in the world,what we need to do is to correct the wrong and do the right.

yes, So Much Wrong In This World now

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