Wednesday's Show Is Full Of Woe
I have a bad habit of looking forward to Wednesday episodes of General Hospital--
Let me clarify that: I don't mean that I actually look forward to Wednesday episodes of General Hospital as if I am expecting them to actually be good. If I ever make a statement like that, please alert a medical professional because it means that I have obviously been afflicted with amnesia and have time-traveled back to 1998! This is more possible than you'd think, because I hit my head an awful lot. But what I do mean is that I don't completely dread them because I know that, in between the scenes with Sonny or Michael or the Michael/Mafia drama or the Mafia/Michael drama, Wednesday shows also feature brief glimpses of the show's beleaguered supporting cast, and who doesn't like to see them?
Well, as it turns out, I don't like to see them! Because they are HUGELY IRRITATING, UNSYMPATHETIC, POORLY WRITTEN, [INSERT NEGATIVE, ALL CAPS DESCRIPTION OF YOUR LIKING HERE]. YES, PATRICK AND ROBIN, I AM GLARING AT YOU, ALL YELL-Y LIKE.
Many of the posts in the Serial Drama archives are like mash notes written to Patrick and Robin, and Patrick and Robin the romantic pairing. We loved them. To the point where we were routinely accused of being fangurls (am I correct in assuming that this is worse than being a fangirl? If Dwight Schrute is right and r is among the most menacing of sounds, it seems like "u" is among the most derisive of letters).
But nothing lasts forever, not cold November rain or adorable soap couples.
Take today, for example. The writers, for perhaps the first time ever, are watching each other's episodes, so Patrick was written the same way in multiple episodes this week. Unfortunately, he was written in multiple episodes as a brat.
Patrick, to his wife who is obviously busy and deep in thought: I'm on my way to the hospital.
Robin, busily and deep in thought: ::Ignores him::
Patrick, with the keen observational skills of Encyclopedia Brown: Are you busy?
Patrick: You know what? I was thinking maybe we can change it up a bit. I hear there's a great little Thai restaurant around the corner from the hospital. What do you say we go have lunch there, and if we get a little crazy, we can walk back through the park?
Robin: I'm actually not going in today.
Patrick: You're not? What, are you not feeling well?
Robin: No, I have an appointment with the head of the World AIDS Crisis Center. The director of the World AIDS Crisis Center will be in town. I called him to get a meeting, and he was able to squeeze me in.
Patrick: Wow, lucky guy. Maybe you can get me his number and I can get some pointers from him.
Robin: Why are you so snarky?
Patrick: I don't know, Robin. Maybe because I wanted to spend some time with my wife, but I'm sorry, that's a stupid idea.
Robin: Patrick, it's just lunch.
Patrick: No, Robin, it's not just lunch. It's about us never spending any quality time together because you're too busy memorializing your dead boyfriend.
Tall, hot doctor say whaaaat? There is so much wrong with all of this, from the pouting to the temper tantrum to the pathological jealousy of a dead man. Remember when we used to discuss Patrick doing anything and everything as "Patrick hotly"? And then came the horrors of Night Shift season one, and we had to change it to "Patrick [Redacted]"? I think now, we're going to have to change it again to "Patrick pissily", because it's the one note that poor Jason Thompson is being given to play. Pissiness and petulance, and yes, that delights the part of me that loves alliteration, but really!
And can I just ask why the GH writers insist on using the saga of Robin and Stone for evil?! I ask this question all the time and I never get a real answer, probably because the only answer is "because these writers are awful, awful people", but why is it that GH only uses its history to ruin things?
Lest you think that Patrick is the only half of this couple acting like he's from another planet where things like "respect" and "maturity" are totally foreign, Robin's all, "BTW, off to Africa, like, now! See ya!"
Robin: I have time for lunch, but I have so much to do before I leave.
Patrick: Leave? Where are you going?
Robin: Well, the coordinator asked me to get in on the ground floor in a clinic they're building in Johannesburg.
Robin: I know, it's random, right? But it's an incredible opportunity, and I'll be back on the 19th, just in time for Father's Day.
Okay. Who plans a trip like that, even if it's for a good reason, without discussing it with their spouse? Nobody. Nobody does that. And is Emma going with Robin, or will she be with Patrick? If I am so concerned and have so many questions, I can only imagine how Patrick feels.
Is Kimberly McCullough going on vacation? And is that how they are going to explain Robin's absence? Because, really, she's on-screen so rarely that I have to tell you, I probably wouldn't even notice that Robin wasn't around for three weeks, so they needn't have her act so foolishly.
Patrick was, of course, pissed.
Patrick: It didn't occur to you to discuss this with your husband before you made such a big decision? Of course not. What am I thinking? You know what, Robin? Do whatever you want. I'm not going to stop you.
But at least this time he had a reason to be.
I used to think I'd be excited to see more Patrick and Robin, especially if it meant less Sonny and Jason. But now I am not sure, which is probably the most disturbing thing I have ever typed (and I once spent a whole week writing about Victor Newman's sperm situation, so I have typed some damn disturbing things). We live in a world where Sonny and Jason are maybe kind of preferable to this version of Robin and Patrick. If you need me, I will be chugging Drano...