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« All My Indifferent Sighs | Main | The Day's Most Overused Dialogue »

July 30, 2010

Adventures in Ill Logic

So here's the thing.  I enjoy Melissa Archer (Natalie).  I do.  Any time I start to worry about her a bit, she steps up her game -- she absolutely broke my heart the way she played her anguish after Jared's death and I was honestly a bit surprised she didn't get an Emmy nomination.  The bad news is that I think her worst acting comes when Natalie is having to keep secrets and convince people that everything is totally fine, and unfortunately this makes up about 90% of Natalie's storylines.



Now if she's making a conscious choice that Natalie is the worst liar in the history of ever, then more power to her because she's succeeding.  Flying colors.  Unfortunately the text doesn't really lend itself to that -- what we are being asked to see right now is that most people in her life are buying her cover stories (twinsies sympathy morning sickness!) but only the people (the all-knowing John McBain) who know her the best, inside and out, are keen enough to be able to tell there's something wrong.  Wow!  John and Rex are so perceptive to notice all that eye-darting and stammering and face crinkling and huffing and puffing!  Brilliant detectives, I say!

That said, this storyline has some good things going for it.  Both Buchanan twins being pregnant at the same time (quite possibly with identical due dates).  Both "Who's the Daddy" situations, but only one (Natalie) realizes that while the other (Jess) only thinks she's in the clear.  The possibility that Brody is babydaddy to both.  It's good soapy stuff despite the missteps (who trained these doctors to respond to pregnant woman telling them the pregnancy's unplanned with, "Whatevs!  Celebrate!  It's awesome, you'll be super-excited about being a mommy soon enough!"...I'm pretty sure there are rules about that), and I'm even appreciating this new friendship between Natalie and Gigi, with Gigi encouraging Natalie to skip the secret martyr approach and actually decide what she wants.  I'm wondering how they're going to screw it up.  Did Evil Eli secretly inseminate them both?  I'm assuming that's what we'll soon learn.

Speaking of one potential babydaddy, I have no idea if or why anyone cares about the Ford/Salinger family drama.  And Langston just keeps sinking further and further with all of her inexplicable indignation.  I honestly loathe her at this point, and I'm not really sure I'm supposed to.  She knows Ford is sleazy, she knows he's slept around.  Yet she was offended he got tested for STDs?  Shouldn't she think, "Oh hey, good idea, after all I was sleeping with two guys at once and it turns out one of them also had multiple partners, maybe I should go in for a routine screening myself!"  What is wrong with her?  It is really amazing how quickly she's absolved herself of responsibility in all this and how she refers to prom night as a "breakup" between her and Ford.  Wasn't prom night the night Markko and Langston broke up?  I have bad news for Langston about what a "breakup" is and what constitutes a committed relationship.  Neither term applies to her situation with Ford.  And then when Ford pretended he'd slept with someone else recently, she was shocked?  The nerve of him to be consistent!  And this meant that he was indeed inhuman?  Why?  He's sleazy.  She knew that.  What does that have to do with his family problems?  So now he's not sincerely affected by his family situations because he sleeps around, just like Langston already knew he did?


"That bastard!  How dare he have casual sex!"

And look, don't get me wrong, I'm not sympathizing with Ford about any of his problems because I just don't care.  I like him as a supporting character and one that's a total sleazebag.  I even believe that he loves his brother and resents his mother and that he's not the worst person who ever lived (I know there's an ongoing debate about whether or not what happened between him and Jessica can be considered rape, and perhaps I should duck for saying this but I don't think it was by any definition of the word -- at worst, he just took advantage of a seventeen-year-old, which he'd already been doing for months.  Slimey asshole?  Yup.  Rapist?  Not if the show told me over and over that she wasn't sick, she was just missing memories -- hell, if Brody's wooing had been successful, it might've ended the same way.).  But I just don't care about him.  And if they want to take him down the redemption-through-the-love-of-a-woman path, they need to find a woman.  A woman.  Not a girl.  Someone who actually challenges him and sees through his bullshit and calls him out.  It starts with an adversarial relationship but eventually... well, you guys know what I mean.  It's a soap standard.  And besides, Langston sucks.  How could her love redeem anyone?  Though at this point, if they wanted to get together and then just move far, far away from Llanview and be sucky together off our screens, I'd jump at the chance.


Destiny out.


Bravo, Louise! Spot-on as always!

But how could you not mention the return of CLINT!!! And he's still looking for Kim!!! Squee!!!

Really. Sensible Markko, even during his first hours of despair/anger, etc. after finding out about Ford/Langston had the presence of mind to mention to Layla and Cristian that he was heading to Health Services first thing in the morning to get tested for STDs.

"Did Evil Eli secretly inseminate them both?"

I expect to learn this any day now.

I had the "Was Jessica Raped By Ford?" discussion with someone and we noted that, since the show has a long history with DID characters, then by the same standard anyone who ever slept with Niki Smith (starting all the way back in '68) or Tess is also guilty of rape, which would open up a jumbo-sized can of worms for the show. For instance, it would instantly mean that Jessica and Nash's entire relationship was based on rape. So hopefully they won't go in that direction (and it looks like they won't).

I agree completely about the Salinger family, who really just seem like a boring rehash of the Vega-Santo family (criminal dad, struggling working class mom). I still think the show is better than it was before Ron came on board (although maybe that's damning with faint praise), but I'm starting to construct a fantasy show in my head where Jared is still alive, Kyle and Fish are still regular characters, and we finally find out how Dorian knew that the Victor Lord who showed up with Mitch Lawrence was a fake (that STILL irks me!).

Louise, I totally agree with you about Natalie. I don't think she's at her best when she's attempting a scheme. I enjoy "Action Natalie" (when she's on a caper) and "Happy Natalie" (when she's joking with Roxie or Jessica) and even "CSI Natalie" (when she's gathering evidence). But "Sobbing Natalie", "Scheming Natalie", and "Lying Natalie" completely suck.

I want Natalie's baby to be John's, and Jessica's baby to be Ford's. I think Brody needs to pay his dues just like Lucky Spencer did. Let Messica push out a few more babies with different daddies before he gets one of his own. LOL!

As for Eli being the evil inseminator, that's a scary thought. Can you imagine a tiny innocent baby with his dark, maniacal eyebrows?

Yes, Monica, but they'd have FANTASTIC teeth.

I hope Brody is the father of both baby's, it would be so soapy!

John McBore should NOT procreate!

Geez Louise! (heeh)

I thought it was pretty obvious that MA is making a conscious choice to show Natalie's gut-wrenching dilemma. How is she supposed to play it? Like Mark Lawons, who is playing Brody with absolutely NO guilt? No thanks.

She's been the best thing about this twin WTD storyline. I'm actually surprised that you didn't point out how stupid BW, ML, JvD, and TW reactions were to Natalie's obvious distress. Though honestly I'd bet my new Chanel bag that the directors are telling Melissa AND the other actors to play it the way we are seeing it.

Now the one who really bugged me this week is Giddy!Blair! and her total obliviousness to Elijah's obvious lies. Girl is making me cringe with her girly squeals of joy over a diamond ring. She's a grown ass woman who has done this 15 times. Why do the writers hate me?

Blair thinks she's finally found a good guy and can move away from Todd. It sucks to be Blair Cramer.

McBore and Brody are both detectives and since Natty had the same symptoms as Perils of Pauline aka Jess, then they should know that she's pregnant.

Knope, I'm not seeing anything gut-wrenching from Melissa Archer, but I do know there are people who think she's rocking this material -- I just wish I were one of them, that's all! But you're right, what they were doing to Blair with her over-the-top obliviousness is awful.

Chad, good call on that discussion you had. That would make Llanview a whole lot more rape-y than it already is!

I just have to say, I just got my first look at Nate's/Ford's/James's mother today and WHAT? The woman looks 30 at the MOST. What, am I supposed to believe she's the new Loretta Lynn? WTF?

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