I'm Just Guessing Here
Yesterday and today, mysterious technical issues came up during the hour that All My Children airs. Yesterday, ABC went all static-y, and today, my DVR didn't record the episode. The way I see it, my poor television set, which is the recipient of at least eighty percent of my eyerolls and disgusted sighs, either tried to do me a favor by sparing me the horror of AMC in an effort to get on good terms with me or was like, "Uncle, bitch. I can't watch this show anymore. Do you know what it's like to broadcast Ryan Lavery five times a week? I hate myself. I'm out."
Either way, I have not watched AMC this week. I hope I didn't miss two really good epi...my fingers wouldn't even let me finish typing that patently ridiculous sentence!
What I did do, in an effort to be professional, was read Soap Opera Digest's recap of today's episode and I have a feeling that without even watching, I know exactly what went down.
At the yacht club, David asked a distracted Greenlee if she was still upset with him. "I said I forgave you," she snapped. Greenlee excused herself to go to Fusion.
Translation: The writers thought to themselves, "Efffff. We have a compelling, watchable couple here that makes Rylee look less appealing than...a really unappealing thing. Bring on the inexplicable squabbling!"
Frankie entered and confronted David, having just found out that he (Frankie) was on the short-list to be axed in the next round of hospital lay-offs. Frankie went home, where Randi was packing for her trip to Italy and vented to her about David. Frankie assured Randi that she should still go to Italy as planned.
Translation: David is a horrible person; Frankie spoke as if he were starring in a production of King Lear that required him to reach an audience sitting a mile away; Denise Vasi...looked pretty.
Ryan broke the news to Madison that to appease an upset Emma, he might have to cancel their trip to New York. Madison thought that she could take care of it. Emma joined them at Krystal's and they talked about the trip, convincing the little girl to give them the go-ahead. Ryan was impressed with Madison's easy way with his daughter.
Translation: Emma adds another name to her (all too long) list titled Women My Father Ignores Me For.
Ryan then ran into David in the park and they got into it over Greenlee
Translation: Ryan said nasty things to David in a douchey manner and responded to anything David said with a blank stare and dead eyes, partly because he's a douche and partly because he doesn't understand words with more than one syllable.
Jack assured Bianca that he would help figure out why she had ended up on a no-fly list. She fretted that she would be unable to get back to Paris right away to see the girls...Erica went to Fusion and comforted Bianca, who had just gotten the news that no progress had been made on the no-fly list front. Jack sauntered in and surprised Bianca and Erica with Miranda and Gabrielle.
Translation: The writers realized they'd need to come up with a reason for Bianca not going back to Paris to be with her wife (a reason besides "because her wife is a horrible human being", I mean) and they came up with a random appearance on a no-fly list. Which, whatever, the most pressing issue here is: How adorable are the new Miranda and Gabrielle?! I am dying to see them.
Bianca probed Erica about Caleb. Erica admitted to Bianca that Caleb “may” do more than fluster her. Erica assured Bianca that she believes that Jack is her destiny. Erica sent Binks and the girls back to her place and began to conduct an Internet search on Caleb.
Translation: Perhaps in an attempt to throw an obstacle at Jack and Erica instead of just letting them be happy, or perhaps to drive away the few people still watching this show, AMC is attempting to make the wholly unlikable Caleb happen.
Ryan arrived at Krystal's and joined an inebriated Greenlee at the bar. Ryan suggested that she should be at home in bed. She tried to stand up and fell into Ryan's arms.
Gott in Himmel, this show is a hateful bastard.