The Best and Worst of the 2010 Daytime Emmys
We know what you're thinking: "There were BESTS at the Emmys?" "You're listing the worst parts of the Emmys?! How long is this entry going to be?" "You guys haven't repressed those horrible memories already?"
But like Brick Tamland loves lamp, we love list and could not resist the opportunity to list the good and the bad of the 2010 Daytime Emmys, if only because the good moments really do deserve a chance to be highlighted. And then, once those two sentences are written, we can get on to making the producers aware of their staggering, dangerous incompetence.
Worst Tribute: The Emmys Salute As the World TurnsWe can't even, in good faith, refer to that as a tribute without scoffing and rolling our eyes dramatically. Devoting three minutes, at most, to a show that was on the air for 54 years and had a huge impact on daytime entertainment and pop culture in general (fun fact: Eileen Fulton's character provided inspiration to so many mothers across the country, including Mallory's grandmother, that Lisa became one of the most popular baby names from 1963-1976) (fun fact: Mallory is completely enamored with Fun Facts) is shameful. It's not like the show couldn't have cut a few minutes of Regis Philbin watch the audience respond to his poorly delivered jokes with awkward silence, or whittled down the advertisements for Cirque Du Soleil and The Blue Man Group (two things, incidentally, that became hugely popular IN THE '90s!).
Best Tribute: Agnes Nixon receives a Lifetime Achievement Award
It's a sad state of affairs when we are applauding a daytime-focused broadcast for taking a few minutes to honor a soap pioneer, but with the way the show had been going prior to the Lifetime Achievement Award, we were half expecting a repeat of the Lee Phillip Bell fiasco. Couldn't you have seen the camera panning to Agnes Nixon in the nosebleed seats and then cutting back to Regis as he introduced a performance from Yanni? But luckily we got a few sweet moments honoring a daytime icon and genius writer.
Biggest Absence: Tobias Funke
Sitting through The Blue Man Group was galling, because it had nothing to do with daytime and it was incredibly boring. If we HAD to watch this (and we shouldn't have had to because, as we hysterically noted multiple times on Sunday, it is 2010!), the least the show could have done was incorporated some Tobias! Although, to be fair, we think that most things in life would be improved with references to Arrested Development.
See? This post just got ten times better!
Most "Ohmigod, did we time travel? What year is it? How did we all time travel at the same time? Wasn't there time travel on Lost? If we watched Lost, would we know how to deal with this? What the hell is going on? Should we call 911? What would we say to the paramedics?" Moment: How do we choose just one because, really, this show heavily featured Chubby Checker and Erik Estrada?
One of us was completely unfamiliar with at least half of the people who graced the stage (and was roundly mocked by the other for her ignorance) and the other half reached their peak level of fame in the mid-70s. And while some of these so-called special guests could be explained away with the Dick Clark/Bandstand tribute, others defy reason. David Copperfield, for fuck's sake!
Worst Exclusion: The Red Carpet Pre-Show
Soap fans love their soap stars, and particularly love to see them dressed up in excessive sequins and hair extensions. Even E! turned down the opportunity to air a red carpet show? (We would suggest SOAPNet, but that would imply that the network relates to soap operas.
Saddest Omission: "The Year That Was" montage.
Yes, this telecast was an advertisement for what entertainment is currently available in Vegas (and apparently exceeded last year's ratings handsomely enough to matter), but maybe if they'd had Penn and Teller conjure it up? Or perhaps Criss Angel could've... levitated above it? We are complete montage junkies, sure, but couldn't they have bothered to remind us what season of daytime these awards were even related to? Considering they again nixed showing any of the Emmy reels that the actors submitted (just the 8-seconds-each reels for Best Show nominees only), it would have helped a little.
Most Genuinely Surprised Winner: Julie Pinson
She seemed not only shocked but truly grateful, which was lovely. Also, she got to kiss Billy Warlock, you guys!
Most Thinly Veiled Vegas Tourism Infomercial: The entire effing show.
It is truly difficult for anything related to Vegas to stand out as being particularly tacky, so we suppose congrats are in order to whoever cooked up this whole theme evening.
Biggest Reason to Turn Louise Grumpy: Well, duh. The complete OLTL shutout.
Sure, sure, they won a not-important-enough-for-the-low-quality-broadcast Emmy for the casting department (and considering the newbies they cast last year, we have to assume they're referring to the golden casting of such cruelly dismissed folks as Scott Clifton, Brett Claywell, and Scott Evans). This raises the worrisome possibility that the show-runners will decide that last year was dismal, ergo what's going on this year must be fantastic! This would be poor logic and almost certain cancellation.
Best Attempt to Make Us Miss Sherri Shepherd and Cameron Mathison: Regis Philbin
Starting the show off with a fat joke about Susan Lucci lent a grim layer of awkwardness to the telecast and it only went downhill from there. It was like he was trying to be terrible! His performance was, however, yet another ringing endorsement of Kelly Ripa's amazing powers to improve those around her. We are going to go buy some Eletrolux appliances just to help her out a bit as a token of our gratitude.
Cuddliest Moment to Almost-But-Not-Quite Happen: Trevor St. John was clearly escorting Michael Easton onto the stage by the arm for their Outstanding Lead Actress announcement.
Was this supposed to lead to some absurd "bit?" Or are the two of them just way more adorbs than either of the douchebags they play on TV?
Best Concerted Effort to Send Mallory to the Loony Bin with a Stopover in Rage-y Yelltown: Sharon Case's Hair
WHY IS IT LIKE THAT, WHYWHYWHYWHY?
Best Loser: Charles Pratt
There are people who say there are no winners and losers, only nominees and those who "the award goes to." These people are stupid. There are losers, and specifically in the writing category, there is giant loser Charles Pratt, known in some circles by the alias "THE WORST". The man basically set fire to AMC and its history and was rewarded with a nomination. Two words: Stuart, murdered. Three more words: Adam, killed, him. And another three words: Erica, Ryan, s*x. Fortunately -- and we say this knowing absolutely nothing about the quality of The Bold and the Beautiful over the last year -- justice prevailed and Pratt lost. Never have we been happier to dub someone a loser.
Notice how there was an obvious lack of "Bests" on this best and worst list, and that the smattering of bests we found were actually thinly veiled criticisms? Yeah. We really did try to search for the good in this show, but it just couldn't happen. What an embarrassment.