Yea noise. Then I'll be brief. Oh happy dagger...
Yeah, it's gotten there. We're in Shakespearean tragedy territory. And before anyone starts throwing tomatoes at me (or before the many of you who've quit watching this rapidly deteriorating train wreck decide it must be time to go back), I don't mean that the show itself is of any quality resembling a Shakespearean tragedy, just that what's happened to it is tragic. In an epic, Elizabethan sort of way. Oh and also it was my pretentious way of saying this is going to be short.
The bright spot for months has been the Blair and Eli coupling, their dynamite chemistry, and the fact that this seemingly lovely guy was being decent to Blair -- finally! But of course they've taken that away from us, so we really only have one bright, chemistry-laden spot left. Go figure, it still belongs to Blair.
Tea and Blair, currently the most rootable love story on canvas. Sure, they'd abandoned it a bit to have Todd and Tea and Dani and their ever-so-important family build inroads and be schmoopy, but we got a brief and delightful revisit yesterday. I'm still assuming Tea isn't really going to die but, if she is, I hope she gets her act together in time to ask Blair to adopt Dani when the time comes. That has to be where this is going, right? And a kiss -- a real kiss -- right before she fades away, as Tea and Blair confess their true feelings to one another?
I have to confess that while I was rolling my eyes and anxious for the Tea/Todd/Dani scenes to end quickly, I got a little teary-eyed in Tea's scenes with Blair. Somehow that's the only way to get me emotionally invested in her brain tumor.
Note to Starr: when someone's brother is in surgery to save his life from a bullet wound, you don't introduce the situation to the conscious brother with, "Why's he in there? Because I shot him." Even if you hate said older brother because your trashy best friend got played by him. Really, you might want to open with something more along the lines of, "Listen, first off, he's been awake already, there's a good chance he'll pull through, he was accidentally shot during a struggle." Then you 'fess up that it was you who pulled that trigger. This is common knowledge, right?
Note to Kelly: Todd? Really? Eww! Also, my friend Lauren alerted me to the frightening weight of her earrings and -- sure enough -- her earlobes were being pulled down so far it looked like they were about to split. It was disturbing. I promise I tried to get a clear screencap, but to no avail. So go back, look, it's intense.
Note to writers: Introducing another character (Marty) into a situation does not mean having the exact same conversation for the 234th time isn't having the exact same conversation for the 234th time. It is.
Note to John: Yes, it's clear that you don't give a crap that your ex-girlfriend miscarried your baby, but maybe at least fake it out of compassion? Instead of acting like you're "heroically" investigating a crime to help her? Perhaps pretend that the crime actually had some emotional impact on you as well?
And speaking of which, now it's apparently official. Eli pushed Marty down the stairs. That's right. Was he also the secret CEO of BP, for fuck's sake? Look how evil he is now!
And again I say: suck it, show. (Although it's worth mentioning again that Matt Walton is rocking this.)
Destiny out. (To go put a dagger into its sheath.)