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« There's a Thin Line Between Hate and More Hate | Main | The Return of the Queen »

August 10, 2010

Everything I Know About Police Procedure, I Learned From Law & Order

TECHNICALLY, General Hospital fulfilled two of my long hoped for wishes: Lucky's been given more screentime than a dayplayer, and Jason didn't swoop in to save Aiden heroically, albeit emotionlessly. I just always envisioned these wishes playing out onscreen less...terribly.

Now, I am no expert on police protocol, but it seems to me that, somewhere over the course of yesterday's episode, Lucky should have:

1. Called the local authorities and/or the FBI for backup, because...isn't that just what's done? I swear, the BAU on Criminal Minds is called in for far less than a kidnapped baby in some episodes.

2. Alerted some sort of law enforcement, any sort of law enforcement, that Franco's mother had the baby. "What's important is that the mother of an unbalanced serial killer/kidnapper/artist gave the baby back to me with very few questions asked. Clearly, this is a gal who has her head on straight! We don't need to waste time asking her where her son could possibly be. That would seriously cut into the time I've allotted myself to have an adorable, emotional heart-to-heart with this infant."

3. I don't know, texted a picture of this baby to Nikolas and/or Elizabeth to confirm that he was, in fact, Aiden! What the hell?! I'd suggest doing something crazy like a DNA test, but we obviously can't have police and medical professionals being competent in one story (well, Lucky acted borderline competently here. And for a cop in GH to even be granted that luxury is pretty impressive. Plus, a DNA test now would totally interfere with the shocking paternity reveal story that is coming at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, because Lucky and Nikolas's hearts will be broken the longer this goes on).

4. Maybe called Nik and Elizabeth to tell them that their son was safe! That would have completely ruined his dramatic entrance, but it would have saved them quite a few hours of heartache AND it would have spared Cam, Spencer and Jake a tremendously awkward conversation.

Nikolas: Okay, uh, so something happened at the hospital.
Elizabeth: Aiden was taken out of the nursery, guys.
Cameron: Where is he?
Nikolas: That's just it, buddy. We don't know where he is.
Elizabeth: But that's for now. It's only for now.
Nikolas: Yeah, Lucky's trying to find him.
Elizabeth: Your daddy's out looking for him and he's going to bring him home. And until then, we just have to say lots of prayers, okay?

Nikolas was so obviously out of his depth here! And, really, these kids have experienced enough in their short lives that all Nik needed to do was say, "You know how we live in Port Charles and how sometimes that means that terrible, violent things happen to us during sweeps periods?" One of them, probably Cam, would say, "Let me guess: he's been kidnapped" and Jake would point out that, while it's natural for them to be nervous, everything would work out fine, and, judging by his posture, Spencer would say something incredibly eloquent.


But, no, Lucky kept the baby's safety a secret. I hope Cam is like, "The hell, Dad?"

I'm not surprised that this was written as shoddily as it was; I'm just crabby about it. And doubly crabby that ABC aired classic, Brenda-centric episodes today that, while entertaining, only served to remind me that (a) over half of the people in the credits are now dead and (b) that this show has fallen. Fallen hard.


Please. Jake would be all, "call me when he's been taken another time. and then smooshed by a giant carnival display of whatever. or burned to a crisp when his brother plays with matches. clearly, this new guy is a lightweight."

Except he'd say it with blinking. Like his "dad."

Liz's kids, man. Seriously. This show.

GH writing hoovers!

Lucky spent the last ten years unable to pull up his own socks, and is now the hero finding his own baby? Shocking! Too bad that JY or GV were never given the writing that JJ has received since his big return. When was the last time GV had scenes with Sonny? How about GV's Lucky sitting on Jason's couch or shooting the sh*t on the docks? Never! The writing for GH is horrible, lazy, plot driven, favorite pet written nonsense.

As for Brenda's big return? Who cares, when the shows writing sucks donkey balls for the current crop of five day a week actors?

My first hint this storyline as going to blow was when Lucky Spencer, who as every JJ fan will point out to the point my ears bleed, was a computer hacker back in the day...had to ask SPINELLI for help.

Or that i could buy Lucky's instant concern for Aiden if you know he had spent ANY time in the preceding months talking about the baby and how he felt about the baby outside of tellign every third dayplayer how glad he was he wasn't the father?

Then i remember this show probably wrote this entire story in the three seconds it took them to process Becky was pregnant and I ask why the hell am I looking for logic?

So my TiVo suggestion was GH today, but it was the 1996 episode of GH (Brenda's non-wedding to Jax)

So much to say (we didn't know how good we had it when Miranda was a good story) but the only thing that really needs said is... oh wait, I didn't catch your last paragraph.

So now I'll just say all the awesome:
Jax when he was super hot and swoony
Young Emily!
Alan and Monica as a cute couple and parents.
Carly and Bobbie talking about Tony when Bobbie didn't know she was her daughter.
Reginald! (only mentioned but still)

So many other !!!!s

But a huge mistake. I've been considering watching the show to see Brenda's return, but 1996 just is too much to live up to. There wasn't a character on screen who wasn't superior to anything I've seen on the show in the five to seven years.

These teary, oh-so-noble speeches they give JJ would work better if he didn't look like Robert Pattison with an onion constantly being waved under his nose. Every time the tears start I just laugh.

@carl OMG LOL 'RP with an onion constantly being waved under his nose' I laughed so hard!!!

This Karen gal is like so dumb, Guza must've decided to write himself into the show as a female character!

Waiting for Lucky to find out he's the daddy is like waiting for a good GH day: it feels like it's never gonna happen.

Mallory, I adore your GH and TB recaps. The past few months when I didn't watch a single GH epi (the pain was too much) I'd still check in to read your take on its crappiness. Well done.

I lingered over the "Brenda's Men" credits, just yelling out names--Look, Stefan! Lila! Emily & Lucky looking adorable! Zander! ALAN! At least now I remember why I started watching this show. Why I keep on watching, however...

I was not expecting it, but I broke down a little when I saw Ruby at the wedding. I miss her, Lila, Alan... this show has gone to complete shit.

Aww...does this mean that there's not going to be a review of the episodes aired yesterday? 'Let's watch Brenda walk around a suite and stare moodily into space...'

Loved the flashback episodes, so much!

One thing though, in the second epi - the Sonny one, I'm pretty sure they changed the music. I mean, I was a huge S&B fan back in the day, and a fan of the angst, so I kept that episode on a VHS tape for years. I'm pretty sure I had it memorized, so I was a little disappointed with the change in music. I remember there being a Chris Issack song in the middle and the last song in the episode was definitely "Crazy Love" by Van Morrison.

I know it's not a huge deal, but it really, really bugged me...anyone else? Why on earth would they do that?

Other than that - I loved seeing the old shows, back before 90% on the characters were ruined.

Can you believe how small and normal Jason looked! I miss that too!

Eh, this is one time when I was happy to suspend disbelief. If a cop is going to be allowed to do something competently, and Lucky is going to be allowed to be a hero and also have adorable heartwrenching scenes where he bonds with the baby that he doesn't know is his, then I will happily accept ANY way that the writers want to make that happen.

I would have been happy with a throwaway line from Lucky after Nicolas asked if she had anything to do with it, something like:

"I'm pretty sure that she had nothing to do with it. The local police/FBI are questioning her, but I don't think they'll get anywhere. Franco made sure to keep her in the dark."

How hard would that be?

@ Lisa, I don't know about the music change...but I could have been changed because of expense of music rights.

I thought the writers would create the bond the soapy way with Lucky delivering the baby. I like the Lucky rescue but I didn't like him relying on Spinelli. If I recall correctly JJ's Lucky was a computer hacker himself...

**The writing for GH is horrible, lazy, plot driven, favorite pet written nonsense.**

Dawn runs in and sits next to Ladybug.

What a mistake gh made showing the brenda marathon! What goodness what a mess this show has become! Who thought it would be a good idea to showcase the past where stories were balanced and character driven. Sometimes I think I must not remember correctly the past could not have been that good but it was 90's gh rocked!!! I miss Lila ruby and Steve rest in peace. I miss Emily Alan Ned all the quartermaines. Bobbi looked fab and had a storyline with her daughter who she did not know yet. Where is ,other daughter bombing now,

I have so many wishes for gh but better storytelling is at the top of that list. I can,t believe that Giza has stories mapped out for a year, they are just too sloppy and choppy .

I think those flashback episodes will backfire on them because you can not possibly see the weaknesses of the current show compared to them. I miss so many characters, and I even miss the opening theme and credits. This show is a shadow of itself, and the main problem is the writing. I have no doubt that Vanessa's fans will be disappointed like the rest of us have been with every single return. This show has changed for the worse, and Bob Guza is responsible for that with his plot-driven writing, his sleazy portrayal of women and his under-use of veteran talent. Bob Guza needs to take a hike and let someone who can really write take over before it is too late.

The Brenda's Men marathon---I haven't had that much fun watching GH in a long time. God, how I miss Lucy and Kevin's sexy, playful romance; Lila's warm smile, Bobbie with her actual face. Good times!!!

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