My Kingdom for One Good Personality Trait
I spent much of today's episode wondering if I was supposed to despise Spinelli. The writing obviously makes the case that I'm supposed to, because he is WHOLLY unlikable in extreme and ALL CAPS ways, but...since when do the writers actually hit what they're aiming for? Rarely, if ever, right? Which leads me to believe that we are just supposed to shake our heads at all of this and say, "Oh, Spinelli. You awesome, adorable, lovable scamp." And I may watch this show every day and spend a disturbing amount of time thinking about it, but that is one thing you will not get me to do, show!
Diane: I think you want me to assure you that I can keep him out of jail.
Spinelli: Yes, I do. Okay, with deepest respect, in light of the exorbitant retainer Stone Cold pays you to look after his legal affairs, some of which the Jackal is most familiar because it is I who oversees Stone Cold's financial affairs...Jason pays you a fortune. The least you could do is try to keep him in jail.
Lucky: Spinelli, wait. I know it's you, come on. It's Lucky Spencer. I need your help.
Spinelli: Of course you do. The Jackal is always expected to provide prompt assistance, but when Stone Cold was dragged off in shackles, his so-called allies in law enforcement were conspicuously absent. Yourself included.
Lucky, after reminding Spinelli that, you know, a baby's life is in danger here: I owe you, thanks.
Spinelli: Yes, you do.
Because it's not bad enough that Spinelli's main characteristic is his pathological obsession with a hitman (who, by the way, AGREED TO THIS DEAL IN THE FIRST PLACE and also KILLS PEOPLE FOR A LIVING AND SHOULD BE IN JAIL ANYWAY, so either way, his incarceration is far from unjust), right? No, the writers had to add about ten layers of petulance and a healthy dose of unearned condescension to the mix. And the end result of that unholy recipe was horror.
The only reasons I am not fervently hoping for Spinelli to get caught in the crossfire of the next mob war are that thought of Bradford Anderson being unemployed makes me sad (because I do find him talented when he has the right material; the problem is that he never has the right material, ever. The material he has is the opposite of right, on steroids) and I have the feeling that putting a "I wish that GH would kill this character..." thought out into the universe would result in the sudden murder of Tracy Quartermaine. I will instead deal with my hatred in a more socially appropriate manner, such as glaring at my TV like a crazy person and hurling angry, non-sensical insults at it like...well, like Sonny Corinthos. And when mimicking Sonny Corinthos is the more appropriate thing to do, I think we can all agree that things in Port Charles are broken.