One of the first things I thought to myself this morning, because soaps take up a huge amount of real estate in my mind, was "Kendall and Brenda are back this week!" And the tone of the thought was delighted because still, after all of these years of bitter, bitter disappointment and awful, awful storytelling, I still get my hopes up about things like a fool. I sometimes wonder about brain damage!
Was my excitement about Kendall's return to Pine Valley misplaced? Take a wild guess.
Here is my dramatic reenactment of myself watching this episode.
Mallory, watching Marissa and Scott: ...boriiiing.
Mallory, watching Greenlee and Ryan talk about Ryan's memory problems. Which, oh, how novel, giving this character convenient amnesia so that he could trample over the heart of an innocent girl without being "the bad guy", because Ryan can never be bad except for all of the times that he does bad things, badly, in a doucheish manner. But on the plus side, Madison has proven to be unstable in the past, so maybe she'll seek revenge. Fingers crossed! : ...ugh.
Mallory, watching JR and Annnie: Hey, this could actually be good. Marissa appears on screen to conveniently see Annie with her hands on JR's face as she tries to convince him to keep the nanotech technology--a phrase that I am getting sick of hearing, by the way--secret. Annie is pleading, but it looks like canoodling. Oh. Well, that didn't last long.
Mallory, halfway through the episode: THERE IS STILL HALF AN HOUR LEFT?!?!
Mallory, watching Jake and Ryan hatch a harebrained scheme to make it seem like Ryan is sicker than he actually is: ...yeah, I can't do this. Grabs the remote and hits the mute button.
Mallory, watching Alicia Minshew run into Ryan's hospital room with a whopping ten seconds left in the episode, her hair even prettier than normal. How is that possible?: Oh, Kend--
Kendall: Oh my god, Ryan. You have to be okay. You have to.
Mallory, after hearing that offensive and possibly NSFW piece of dialogue: Visibly deflates and sighs heavily as if she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
It is entirely possible that I'm jumping to conclusions and that the entirety of Kendall's storyline won't be playing Ryan and Rylee's most vocal and passionate cheerleader. Maybe she'll reconnect with Bianca and maybe Zach not being in Pine Valley full time will be explained in a well-written, logical way that won't destroy the repairs they've done on their relationship...
...it's kind of not a fun feeling when you can actually sense people on the internet smiling at you condescendingly and saying, "Oh, honey. No".