Smug People and Drugged People
Pretty much every single aspect of the "Brook Lynn drugs Dante because she needs money and because Carly's idea of a 'master revenge plan' includes pimping someone out in order to create romantic discord" is loathsome. I mean, let's just break that sentence apart, okay?
Brook Lynn--who,can I remind you, is the daughter of NED and LOIS, and the granddaughter of TRACY. Cue the General Hospital writers saying, "Well, you said you wanted more Quartermaines, so...?"--
drugs Dante--I think the only two words to describe that are "UGH" and "abhorrent". I mean, honestly, it doesn't matter that she didn't have sex with him while he was out; she still drugged her so-called lifelong friend--
because she needs money--she can't touch her trust, right? And she doesn't want to go to Edward and get money from him, since it would come with all sorts of crazy conditions. For me, if the choice is between being micro-managed or becoming a seducer for hire, I'm going with the micro-management--
and because Carly's idea of a 'master revenge plan' includes pimping someone out in order to create romantic discord--STUPID.
There is all sorts of what-the-fuckery in every level of this storyline, and now that we've moved onto the fallout portion, it's only getting worse, because what we're getting from Brook is smug face.
Is there anything more irritating than a soap character being accused of something that they actually did and reacting with outrage and condescension? The answer is...well, probably there is, yeah, but this is also seriously irksome.
Maxie: I'll bet money I know what happened last night: you called Dante at Jake's, had this sob story, claimed you needed to talk to your old friend from Bensonhurst. He got there, you drugged his drink and tried to take advantage of him.
Brook: I expected so much more from you, Maxie. I mean, come on. We were drugged together in college. I don't have to drug men to to be with me. That's something you would have to do.
Maxie: Oh, but you did have to drug him, Brook Lynn. Because liquor wouldn't have been enough. You could poor vodka down his throat for six straight hours and he still wouldn't have been interested in a slut like you.
Brook: You want the facts? Dante had one beer and he invited me back to his place. And I couldn't leave him alone. He was lonely and Lulu doesn't understand him.
Maxie: Are you serious? Is that the best excuse you could come up with?
Brook: Yeah, well, it's the truth.
It's not that I expect Brook to be so filled with guilt or shame that she immediately comes clean about the fact that she is a whirling dervish of destruction and skank, but if she could dial the smugness down a notch or twelve, it would make this more bearable. Only slightly more bearable, but still.
The only silver lining, and it's a small one, is that I am seriously enjoying Maxie in fiercely protective friend/knowledgeable ex-homewrecker mode. I love that she knew exactly what went down between Dante and Brook Lynn, and that she's inherently suspicious of Lisa because she knows, from experience, what it looks like to be a deranged schemer (I think she could use all of her poor life decisions for good and become a seriously successful relationship guru for others) and I also loved:
Maxie: You say one more thing about Lulu and I will personally rip all of the hair out of your head.
Do it, Maxie, do it!
How badly did I feel for Michael once again having to play therapist, this time for Dante as he tried to piece together the events of the previous night? Very badly.
I feel like his mood must have brightened considerably when he was hauled into the PCPD for questioning by Cartoonish Ronnie of the Horrible Dye Job. Which, SIGH. It's so tiresome when we get scenes of the obsessive and buffoonish cops blaming Jason and/or Sonny and/or Michael for anything that happens in Port Charles, while Jason and/or Sonny and/or Michael respond stoically and nobly. And gross, my stomach churned a little at Jason being so proud of Michael for not saying anything and refusing to talk without a lawyer present. I am so glad that Michael's stint in Pentonville taught everyone a valuable lesson!
My stomach also churned a little at how I found myself nodding with Ronnie in agreement.
Ronnie: No, seriously, what is he? The pied piper? The guy marches into hell and everybody follows him. I tell you, his charisma is lost on me.
Michael: I'm not saying anything without my lawyer.
Ronnie: What is he, a parrot? What is wrong with you? You're teaching this kid to be a criminal.
I wish the show's voice of reason were a lot less oily.
Did someone on the show's staff just remember that Bobbie and Luke own Kelly's? Because it was mentioned so often today that it reminded me of when I'd learn something in school that I considered endlessly fascinating but usually wasn't and I'd try to casually incorporate it into all of the conversations I had that day. "Can I have a small cup of soda, please? And DID YOU KNOW that the SMALL intestine is actually the body's largest organ?"
Also regarding the scenes at Kelly's: (1) I am so sick of the godforsaken Corinthos/Zacchara vendetta and (2)I get nervous whenever we see Mike, which has been kind of a lot lately!
It says a lot about this show that seeing family members is a cause for alarm. And all of the things it says are curse words.
In a totally coincidental move, Vanessa Marcil returns to GH and Sonny is all of a sudden thinking about her again! It's so crazy how that happened.
So after her chance encounter with her acquaintance Brenda in Africa, Robin has become a total Sonny/Brenda 'shipper and is urging Sonny to call or email her. I feel like she should have pushed email a little harder, because then Brenda wouldn't have to deal with all of that stammering and awkward pausing, but then again, Sonny is so the type to write emails in all caps and he'd probably forward chain letters, so maybe a phone call actually is better. I was confused by Robin's assertion that Brenda was immature back in the day; I mean, she was, but she was also super young, so it's to be expected. And I was also confused by Robin's ugly shirt.
Her hair and makeup this week have been killer (which, sadly, is a rare occurrence. KMc is beautiful, but they tend to half-ass her hair and makeup) but that shirt was sheer, Pilgrim-y and unflattering.
Sonny ponders this and decides he wants to know what Brenda has been up to. Instead of just sitting down and typing Brenda's name into Google, he calls Spinelli over to research her, and then proceeded to react to everything he said with disdain and impatience, which...I am with him there, but he is the one who chose to bring Spinelli in to do this, the most basic of tasks, so this is another mess of his own making.
Spinelli's findings: Brenda is pretty and dating Murphy.
I call bullshit on this, by the way. There is NO WAY that, as obsessed with Jason as he is, Spinelli wouldn't have researched everything there is to know about Brenda.
Speaking of Brenda, she spent the episode hanging out with Adrienne Barbeau and also looking ADORABLE in glasses.
I think I've mentioned before that I am seriously obsessed with glasses. And it's a long-time obsession, too: when I was in elementary school, I used to flunk my vision tests on purpose in hopes that it would get me a killer pair of glasses, but my mother saw through that almost immediately. Anyway, I love glasses and if you ever need to distract me from something, just slap a pair of glasses on someone and my attention will be completely diverted.
Today, she and Adrienne Barbeau (whose character maybe has a name, but I will not ever be using it. And I will probably never shorten Adrienne Barbeau to AB or anything; Adrienne Barbeau is the kind of name you have to use in full. Adrienne Barbeau was on Maude right? And she was often in People when I was in middle school, because she had twins when she was in her 50s? Adrienne Barbeau!) rehashed the details of Murphy's proposal. It turns out--and you'll never believe this--that Brenda is still hung up on Sonny! And he's thinking about her! Imagine that!
Brenda: I could love him. There would always just be something that was always missing.
Adrienne Barbeau: And what would that be?
Brenda: My heart. My heart's somewhere else.
Adrienne Barbeau: Well, this, uh, other man, is he a realistic plan?
Brenda: No. He's not. We've been out of each other's lives for a really long time and if I was with Murphy, my heart would be divided most of the time and he just doesn't deserve that, even though he actually said he could handle it. I couldn't do that to him, right? I wouldn't do that to him.
Adrienne Barbeau: This man, that you're about to dropkick a movie star for: is he alive or dead?
Oh, Adrienne Barbeau, that's such a stupid question. Of course he is alive. He is taunting us with his aliveness, actually.