Sucks So Good: True Blood 3.9, "Everything Is Broken"
This latest episode of True Blood had me clapping my hands with glee and staring at my television like so:
It was awesome, is the point that I am trying to make. After the jump, thoughts about "Everything is Broken". And exclamation points! Lots and lots of exclamation points!
To begin, a question:
OH MY GOD DENIS O'HARE, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE SO AWESOME?
There are no words.
Actually, there are several words.
TALBOT IN A GOBLET.
STYLISH REVENGE SEEKING OUTFIT.
"AND NOW, TIME FOR THE WEATHER. TIFFANY?"
I've started to draft "For your consideration..." ads to advocate that Denis O'Hare get recognition from every award-awarding body that I can think of including, but not limited to, the Emmys, the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, the Nobel Prize, the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, etc., because he is just that good.
Let's rewind: Russell felt Talbot die and took a raincheck from torturing Bill to fly back to Mississippi, where he called for Talbot, pure anguish in his voice. He found him in a congealed pile on the floor and promised that he'd get revenge.
FAST FORWARD to Russell Edgington and the Goblet of Talbot on the roof of Fangtasia. Russell, in formalwear, caressed the chalice containing the remains of his royal consort, and vowed revenge on the American Vampire League. He also turned the chalice so that "Talbot" could "see" and then he kissed it and it was about as fantastic as such a disturbing thing could be.
Russell: Talbot! Talbot, look! The American Vampire League protects your murderer. Perhaps they even sent him. Oooh, they will suffer for their sins. I swear to you, they will suffer.
FAST FORWARD AGAIN to Nan Flanagan in a limo, going over her Portland speech again before getting distracted by a naked human. As she started to go about her business, I seriously thought that Russell was going to show up, all crazy like, in the limo or jump through the roof or something similarly batshit crazy, and then the camera focused on the TV in the limo, with a jolly newscaster reporting about the Vampire Rights Amendment and all of a sudden HIS SPINE WAS RIPPED OUT by none other than Russell, Full-Time King of Mississippi, Part-Time Mayor of "OMG, DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?". And Russell, holding the guy's spine THE ENTIRE TIME, launched into a monologue equal parts of absurd and horrifying.
Russell: Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentleman, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly 3,000 years. Now the American Vampire League wishes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you. And I suppose in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists, we care about getting what we want, no matter what it costs, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, genocide...that's a small price to pay for your SUVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your garish McMansions! Futile symbols of permanence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no. We are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood, blood that is living, organic and human. That is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you. Because let's face it, eating people is a tough sell these days. They put on friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake, this is the true face of vampires! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you. After we eat your children.
And then he ended with the now immortal line, "And now, time for the weather. Tiffany?" and I wanted to start a slow cap, truly I did, because it was magical.
Denis O'Hare is just SO GOOD. This show is pretty much a camp-a-thon, and what could be campier than toting around your boyfriend's remains and cheekily taking control of a news broadcast? And while he definitely played that up, the rest of the episode saw him mourning and downright terrifying, and that seems like a really tricky balance to strike, but he did it. Like I said, he is SO GOOD.
When the episode ended, I found myself completely confused about everything that had happened in the first fifty minutes, like there was awesome-induced amnesia or something. And then I immediately began counting down the minutes to next Sunday (how many minutes? Too many!)
Also awesome? Eric, Pam and their totally stressed outfits of a tight black tank top and an incredibly revealing hot pink tracksuit, respectively.
They tickle me.
I found their scenes quite touching, really. Kristen Bauer is another one who is good (great, even!) with quips and equally good with vulnerability.
Pam: You never panic, should I be panicking?
Pam: A hundred years I've been with you. Why did you never say anything about Russell, or your family?
Eric: You didn't need to know. What good would it do to share my pain with you?
Pam: You didn't need to carry it all by yourself.
Pam: We've lived through so much for so long. It can't end this quickly.
Eric: Everything ends, even the immortal. If I can't go on, you must make a new vampire. It is your time to be a maker.
Speaking of vulnerability, Eric telling the authority* the story of his family's deaths and then learning that it might not be enough to save him was all sorts of sad.
Eric: My history with Russell Edgington goes back nearly a thousand [years]. My family was massacred. All of them. By wolves. I managed to kill one and I watched him change into a man at the end of my sword. And these wolves are the same, Sweden, Germany, here. With all respect, I didn't report Russell Edgington to you because I want him to die at my own hands. I have waited a thousand years for this.
And it was amusing that even being given permission from Nan and the authority to take care of the Russell issue, the poor, tall, hot Viking is still not in the clear!
Nan: You wanted revenge, it's yours.
Eric: What resources are you going to give me?
Nan: None. We're not getting near it.
Eric: How do you expect me to kill him? He's three times my age.
Nan: Listen, you whiny little bitch [...] Bring me his fangs, or I will have yours.
It kind of sucks to be Eric. Haha, get it? Sucks? Oh, whatever, I'm tired and punny.
*Also, we caught a glimpse of the authority!
See? This episode was jam-packed!
The show balanced out that awesomeness with a profound loss.
Now, I found James Frain and Franklin Mott to be all sorts of hilarious. "Watch how fast I type mothafucka!" Slaughtering a church group of elderly women because they were hogging slot machines. Promising Tara special dinner at Shoney's. "You keep me tied up!" "To protect you! My god, what other reason could there be?" So on and so forth.
But, really, he was a psychopath. And he brutalized Tara and gave her a host of mental issues that she now has to grapple with on top of the other issues she was already struggling with. So it makes sense that they killed him off...but I will miss James Frain's impeccable comic timing.
That said, it was a super entertaining way for him to go.
Tara: I killed you
Franklin: That's what everyone said. That you did it. I thought, why would anyone spread such vicious lies? Why would you kill someone that you loved?
Tara: I do not love you!
Franklin: Everyone said that, too, but I refused to believe. I had to see it for myself. Want to know what hurts the most? You didn't mourn. If you had a shred of love in your heart for me, you wound have mourned me. I love you so much.
Franklin: I'll mourn you, Tara. I'll mourn you to my very marrow.
Franklin: SHUT UP! Oh, your heart is beating so fast. I want to feel it stop.
Also, in the first interesting thing he has done all season, Jason is the one who killed him.
Boy's been hankering to shoot something all season, so protecting Tara was a good way to go about that.
(Although, this is probably going to make him feel all Even Stevens for killing Eggs, huh?)
Speaking of Tara, when she walked into the rape survivor's group and Holly, the borderline-disturbing waitress at Merlotte's, was there, I started to worry that we had another Maryann situation on our hand. I don't know if I have it in me to watch another season of someone allegedly helping Tara but really using her for their own strange, supernatural gain. And this feeling only intensified when Arlene and Holly had a heart-to-heart and Holly got Arlene to confide in her that she doesn't want Rene's possibly murderous baby and the music went all ominous.
Is she the good kind of supernatural, or the bad kind of supernatural? Is she a witch? Fairy? Alien? She does kind of look like an alien (that reads as much nastier than I meant it. She just has that big forehead. I feel her pain, but I am just saying). Whatever she is, I hope she's the good kind of supernatural, because Tara seriously needs to catch a break and having a helpful sort of supernatural creature would be great for her.
Like most episodes this season, by the way, this could have used more Terry.
Terry: There are all kinds of noises, Sam. Girl noises.
I love you, Terry.
This episode was pretty light on Bill and Sookie, no? They did have a racy shower scene, and an amusing "morning after" spent disposing of a dead werewolf. Bill visited fairy land (and got a burst of light in the face for his trouble) and Sookie visited her cousin Hadley at the aquarium and got to meet Hadley's son Hunter, who is also a telepath; having that confirmed scared the shit out of Hadley and she sprinted out for who-knows-where. So actually, quite a bit happened with them, but it didn't feel like it.
Maybe because what I was waiting for--confirmation of what Sookie is--never happened. Curse you, misleading promo!
Jesus and Lafayette are adorable. I am not the only one to think this. Even Ruby Jean is on board! After raiding "Lala's" cosmetics stash, she said that the real Lafayette is shining through. When she hears that Jesus is responsible...
Ruby Jean: I'll be damned. Maybe God loves fags.
How many times do I have to say "I am so effing over Jason and Crystal" before someone listens to me? Because seriously, I am so effing over Jason and Crystal. With her lies about Jason kidnapping and raping her, and then Kevin getting attacked thanks to their planting Felton on the side of the road*, and then Crystal going with Calvin to the hospital, ugh. None of it is remotely appealing. She is the most lost of causes and I wish that we had some inkling of why she was so special.
*I do have to say that poor Kevin's injuries and Rosie's hysterical admission that he was the only man she ever loved did lead to some hilarious faces from Jason and Andy**.
**And is Andy going to start to use V? More Andy, less Crystal!
Tommy (who, uh, we saw A LOT OF during his time with the woman making girl noises.) is reverting to the awful brat he was at the beginning of the season, sneering and picking fights with everyone. Not that I care so much about Arlene or anything, but leave Hoyt alone!
I don't know if he's rubbing off on Sam or if Tommy's taunting just pushed Sam over the edge, but REALLY, that fight at the end was so gross. Sam just about beat Calvin's face off, and it was terrible.
I did chuckle a little bit at how openly amused Tommy was at this obvious trainwreck.
When will Jessica and Hoyt get back together?! I want things to work out for those crazy kids! Screw Bill and Sookie, this is the relationship I'm invested in!
Poor Jessica! Poor Hoyt and his hatred of dolls, and his overly perky girlfriend!
Jessica: Does she know you hate dolls?
Hoyt: We don't really talk much about me.
Jessica: Doe she at least make you happy?
Hoyt: Uh...I hate her. God help me, but I fucking hate her. Everything is dolls, showtunes and cleaning stuff, and she will not stop talking and I feel like it's making me crazy, Jess.
Jessica: Then why are you with her?
Hoyt: It beats sitting around thinking about you.
So what did you think, Serial Drama readers? And also, IS IT SUNDAY YET? Also also, DENIS O'HARE FOR HIGHER OFFICE!