This Is A Different Definition of Suspenseful Than The One I'm Familiar With
General Hospital has been attempting to inject drama and tension into situations where the outcome is so clearly telegraphed that you could almost perfectly predict entire conversations leading up to said outcome (the only thing keeping your predictions from being entirely perfect are the amount of stammers and botched phrases you'd attribute to Maurice Benard). I mean, really, we were supposed to be literally sitting on the edge of our seats, biting our fingernails and wondering, "Oh my gosh, will Sonny be denied bail and have to go immediately to Pentonville?!?! I mean, I know that the last thirty times he has been in this EXACT SITUATION, that has not happened, but what if that happens now and means we have to wait even longer for his random Roman reunion with Brenda? Also, CLAUSTROPHOBIA!" and "Are Jason and Sam and Lucky going to survive this shootout?!?! I WONDER! I wonder if the single most important person to this show, and two other people who are kind of useful to the writers sometimes, is going to survive being shootout for the millionth time. And while I am hysterical with worry, let me ask another question: is he going to be HEROIC?"
So imagine my surprise today when something truly, hugely, and completely shocking took place. Are you sitting down? You should probably be sitting down when you read this: multiple Quartermaines appeared on the show today.
At first, I wondered if the heat (I have spent most of this week complaining endlessly about the heat to anyone who will listen and I feel slightly bad about it, but not totally, because September 1st should not be 95 degrees!) had caused me to hallucinate. And, the presence of Brook aside, it would have been a pretty nice hallucination, with Tracy and Monica being all snarky with each other--
Monica: Why would she, or anybody for that matter, want to stick around this house and hear nothing but abuse from Tracy?
Including sparring about who would pack Tracy's bags upon her exit from Monica's house (I love when Monica points out that it's her house. Remind me again why Leslie Charleson had to be bumped down to recurring?), and Edward texting Alice (!!! He is so presh!) and also being adorably proud of Brook Lynn for no real reason:
Edward: Good for you! You called her on her true motives.
I found that endlessly cute, because it reminded me of my own grandfather, who once almost burst with pride when I mentioned that, on my first time out and about alone in Boston, I had found a Dunkin Donuts. Anybody who has ever been to Boston understands that this is nothing remarkable, since there is a Dunkin Donuts every three feet, but he was so excited and happy for me.
The rest of the show, as you might have guessed, was completely without merit, which is what clued me in that this was for real. Sonny may not have been on, but he was talked about a whole lot, and when that happens, my eyes start to close...