What I Saw And How I Rolled My Eyes
I often spend an episode of All My Children asleep (often), frantically looking for the remote to fast-forward (also often) or closing my eyes and rubbing my temples melodramatically as if to rid myself of painful memories. That happened a whole lot today.
Most of the show was just useless, including everything Marissa (I feel SO BAD for Brittany Allen when she is in scenes with Melissa Claire Egan, because MCE could eat her alive and look fabulous--albeit ridiculous. I can't even begin to understand what was happening with her caftan today--and BA just can't compete), and all of the dumbness with Colby, Damon and Asher. To be fair, JR did get a few amazing lines in ("I know how good Annie can be" "Oh, hell no! Marrying Scott was the biggest mistake of your life, but you're only going to realize that when you have to wake up every single morning with his face on a pillow next to you". Jacob Young is obviously relishing this snarky side of JR!), but...ugh.
Kendall: Ryan, I want this whole thing to end. David is dangerous and I worry about Greenlee.
Ryan: I'll wach out for her.
Kendall: I'm sure you will.
Ryan: I'm serious. We're done.
Kendall: Are you sure about that?
Under normal circumstances, if the fate of Alicia Minshew and Kendall Hart was in my hands and I got to decide whether Kendall should return to the show or not, I'd be like, "Um, duh" and immediately plan her return. Because a Kendall-free Pine Valley is a sad Pine Valley, and if I'm being honest, marveling at Alicia Minshew's perfect hair is what gets me through a full episode of this show sometimes. But my decision would get a lot harder if it was stipulated that Kendall could return, but the only story she'd get is one where she completely devotes herself to the cause of Ryan and Greenlee. Like, there would be hemming and hawing, and probably a PRO and CON list (PRO: Pretty hair! CON: Rylee pimping should be illegal in most states. PRO: Possibility for Kane stories! CON: Kane stories will probably not happen). Because it's not that I don't want her, but I definitely don't want...this. This is the worst.
Oh, no, I spoke too soon. THIS is the worst.
Madison: If Ryan sees someone in trouble, he doesn't stop until they're okay.
Madison: That's what makes him such a great guy.
Greenlee: He's definitely that.
Madison: You're a true gentleman and an amazing boyfriend.
Madison: You know, you're one of the good guys.
Is it possible to set your eardrums on fire, I wonder?
Now, I realize that if the show didn't tell us with revolting frequency that Ryan is a good man, we'd never know it, since no good traits are ever exhibited onscreen, but I'd like to remind the writers that saying something often enough doesn't make it true (if it did, I'd be signing all of my correspondence as Mallory Skarsgard). And I'd also like to remind them that if this is the only way you can make a character likable--a character you've had YEARS to work on and rehabilitate when necessary, and a character who is played by a legitimately appealing actor--then you need to have your soap license revoked. Not that there are soap licenses, although my life would be a whole lot easier if there were, but you know what I mean! Ryan Lavery and disgusting, oppressive heat are conspiring to make me way inarticulate.