I'm out of clever title ideas because at this point trying to decide between the lesser of two evils comes down to (a) I keep watching One Life to Live for the tiniest of tiny joys that I can eke out of a week's episode out of pure desperation alone or (b) I drop this frustrating show from the DVR list, thereby relinquishing my fun side gig writing for the excellence that is Serial Drama and giving up on the stories I've been following for over a quarter-century.
For now I'm going with Option A, but it's not exactly doing wonders for my soul or psyche.
Hey look! Someone put Inez in an outfit that doesn't look like something my frumpy 75-year-old mother would wear (sorry, Mom! You're totally adorbs, but you are also not a thirty-something soap opera actress, nor would you want to be, I know! Yes, Mom, I know soaps are trash and you thought I would've given this stuff up by now, I know. I'm sorry. And yes, of course an Agatha Christie novel would be a much better way to spend my time, you're right. Oh and dating. And finding a nice, stable husband in the suburbs, yes. That too. And going to the symphony. And tattoo removal. I know!). It's still not remotely flattering enough for the beautiful (and young!) Jessica Leccia, but I know they have to work hard to make sure she doesn't look like she gave birth to Ford when she was in the fourth grade.
Oh and hey!
It's not a Wednesday if Todd Manning, Father of the Year, doesn't threaten to kill someone!
And seriously, talk about the lesser of two evils. The characters are running around speaking as if, sure, Todd's made mistakes in his life but he towers over Ross in the morality and parenting departments. For instance, the following lines were spoken about Ross today...
Natalie: After everything Tea went through to keep [Dani] away from Ross?
Destiny: ...says the man who held me at gunpoint.
Oh, excellent points, ladies. Hey Natalie, remember how Tea tried to keep Dani away from Ross for a few months? She totally did, you're right! Remember how Tea tried to keep Dani away from Todd for... fourteen (ahem, seven) years? Even when she'd already deemed Ross unfit (he did some unspeakable things to a kayak, you see) to be her father, she decided Dani would be better off if she were hidden in an English boarding school rather than be divulged to Todd, her biological father? Because Todd as a father was so off-the-charts awful that Tea would rather pretend that her daughter didn't exist at all?
Oh and Destiny? Check out Todd's track record. Because of course Todd would never hold anyone at gunpoint. Never! He would never endanger a child, especially not one of his own! Never! Except the times that he did!
Boy, I cannot wait to see what the doctor from Law & Order decides today about whether Dani will go to the violent, dickhead criminal who wants custody of her because they are blood-related and she is his possession or to the violent, dickhead criminal who wants custody of her because he loves her but will act in cahoots with a serial killer to get what he wants. That judge certainly has her own lesser-of-two evils decision to make, and this one is so exciting! Because it's completely irrelevant since no one's dead!
Thrilling stuff, people. Thrilling.