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« Seriously? | Main | Laying It On A Lot Thick »

September 07, 2010

Dastardly David's Dying ("Dying?") Drama

David Hayward, Pine Valley's resident best doctor ever/person most likely to tie someone to train tracks, is dead...OR IS HE?

No, he's totally not. Unless Vincent Irizarry's contract negotiations go poorly, in which case he might be. So I'll amend that statement to no, he's probably not.

How can I be so sure? Well, I could point to the conversation he had with Liza last week which was filled with all sorts of "Imagine me twirling an invisible mustache because I have a cunning plan" subtext:

David: I think you would be one hell of a district attorney.

Liza: Oh, please. You don't give a damn what kind of D.A. I would make unless somehow you would benefit from it.

David: All right, Liza, just look at this as an opportunity. You get the job you've always wanted, and I get a friendly D.A. just in case.

I could also mention that David has demonstrated a fondness for pretending to be dying in order to screw with people and ask if it's a big leap to go from "pretending to be dying" to "pretending to be dead" (answer: it's not).

But the REAL reason I'm so sure that he's not really dead is this: AS IF the AMC writers would permanently get rid of David! Not having David would mean that they'd need to figure out ways to give their heroes and heroines (I use both of those terms loosely) an antagonist, and their storylines a villain, in some sort of organic way, which is way harder than just half-assedly inserting David into all of their stories as a jack-of-all-devious-trades. And if David isn't around for all of Pine Valley to blame for their poor life decisions, the writers would have to actually start giving the characters some degree of self-awareness and personal growth and I think we can all agree that it will be a cold day in hell before either of those things happen, so I think it's pretty safe to assume that David is alive and cackling to himself about the ways he can eff with Ryan from beyond the pretend grave.

Speaking of: David is dead ("dead"?) and Ryan can't remember what happened just now! Isn't that a crazy coincidence?

Granted, I'd complain about any story of Ryan's, because his very being fills me with anger and despair, but...another story where Ryan can't remember things? Another story where Cameron Mathison has to resort to pulling crazy faces in order to convey that Ryan is vacant and disoriented (the face pulling is necessary in order to differentiate between RYAN's vacancy and his own default state as completely confused)? Another excuse for people to sing the "Ryan's a good man! He's innocent, I tells ya!" song? Hell, Colby already started today and this story has only been going on for sixty minutes!

Colby: He's a good guy.

Pretty soon, all of town is going to be clasping hands and singing Kumbaya while they work feverishly to prove Ryan's innocence! I should be proactive and start to stockpile a handful of different ways to say "And then I died a little inside" because I have a feeling I'm going to be expressing that sentiment a lot in the coming weeks/months/however long the writers decide to keep this story going before unceremoniously dropping it for something else.

Also notable:

  • Liza is the new District Attorney, thanks to David's maneuvering, and is already locking horns with Jesse. I know, I know, "Jesse and Liza not getting along? Did you take a time machine back to the early 80s and that's why you're shocked by this?" What's notable about this is that:

1. The cat is out of the bag about Angie's blindness, thanks to Jesse's very public outburst:

Liza: What, am I just supposed to take your word for it?
Jesse: She is BLIND, Liza!


2. When Darnell Williams and Jamie Luner are in a scene together, it's like a volcano has erupted, but instead of lava, it is spewing bizarre facial tics and stilted line readings. The former is a good actor and the latter is mostly serviceable, but when they're together, it's like a skit on Saturday Night Live, what with the bulging eyes and the well--

Liza: I don't think we've finished our conversation.
Jesse: I disagree with that.

It was at once melodramatic and monotone. Like if Vicki from Small Wonder had a role on a Spanish soap opera.

  • It's a bit odd, isn't it, that Asher is encouraging Colby not to talk to the cops about witnessing David and Ryan's scuffle? He is either already firmly committed, even as a newcomer, to the Lavery-propping agenda or is just...off. Of course, this is coming from someone who, after watching an episode of Law & Order, becomes convinced that she is going to witness a crime and becomes obsessed with paying attention to things in case she winds up questioned by police, so...
  • I don't care for Caleb, but even he deserves better Krystal.
  • Brittany Allen was quite good with her reaction to David's death, but how silly was it that David's last voicemail to Marissa was all dramatic pledges of being a better father? "I'm hoping that someday you'll allow me to pay you back for all the time I've missed, whatever pain I've caused". It was sort of laughable.
  • Why was Greenlee done up like a politician's wife circa 1968?
  • Did anyone else get a little teary eyed watching Greenlee's flashbacks to her brief marriage to David, all depressed by the fantastic couple that could have been? Because I did. Curse this network's devotion to Rylee. CURSE IT, I SAY.


jack-of-all-devious-trades <3 <3

Vicki from Small Wonder? I nearly fell off my chair! Such an obscure, yet hilarious reference...

According to Vincent Irizzary's Facebook page, he's done. He's not in contract negotiations with the show, which just goes to show just how much Kreizman and Donna S. blow. I was so looking forward to David at least getting caught, and then he could have hired Diane Miller from GH to defend him, and she could have had a past with Jack, which would have pissed Erica off, you know Jackson having a past love interest who dresses age appropriately. But no, they killed him off and ruined what could have been a great love story, David and Greenlee. A couple that the fans actually like and the reason apparently Rebecca Budig came back to the show.

Oh well ta ta David .. yeah right. This is almost identical to the Guiding Light story they hacked, er, wrote 'killing' off Alan .. who then lurked and watched how everyone did or did not mourn him ...

David used to be such a great character. Back before the show sucked and they ruined him at the altar of St. Ryan of Douchebagville. SO glad I quit watching this show!

"Did anyone else get a little teary eyed watching Greenlee's flashbacks to her brief marriage to David, all depressed by the fantastic couple that could have been?"

Yes. At least, I would have if I hadn't jumped ship as soon as I realized TPTB were never going to give David and Greenlee a real shot at being awesome. Eff you, AMC. Eff you.

Mallory, how do stand this day after day, week after week? I hope writing about the soaps on other networks is a good recompense for the disaster that is ABC Daytime.

I'm not watching til Zach comes back.

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