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« Dastardly David's Dying ("Dying?") Drama | Main | Sonny With a Chance (Of Over-the-Top Propping) »

September 07, 2010

Laying It On A Lot Thick

I really shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.  This was, after all, an episode of One Life to Live entirely bereft of Fords or anyone related (that we know of) to Fords.  In and of itself, that made this an above-par episode by current-day standards.  But they certainly weren't going for the lighter touch today, were they?

Oh, but something to celebrate!


Roxy's back!  No explanation for where she's been all these months, but again... gift horse.  And they actually had her acknowledge that Schuyler is her son and that she's been visiting him in prison!  It's about time.  Of course it mostly just functioned as a reason for Roxy to talk about the damage that lying about paternity can do (even though that one's more of a maternity lie than a babydaddy lie) so that Natalie could stand there looking incredibly uncomfortable and dart her widened eyes from side to side and unconvincingly announce that she's "fine," right up until she's ready to 'fess up to Roxy when, naturally, John enters.

Speaking of people being incredibly uncomfortable and darting their widened eyes from side to side and being unconvincingly "fine," Jessica was yet again a bad liar today at the hospital (those kooky sisters have so much in common!). Thankfully that obnoxious nurse wasn't around today to loudly laugh about how she mixed up the twins' babies' paternities to anyone who would listen.  I'm pretty sure that's about twenty-three violations.  This time, there was only slightly-more-discreet Vivian to deal with and she managed to keep her mouth shut and let Jess know what's important.  As if to mirror the "lying does so much damage" super-subtle conversation across town between Roxy and Natalie and then John and Natalie, Brody lays it on insanely thick during the ultrasound.

Brody: Oh my god.  That's our kid.  We created that little baby, you and me.  Because we love each other, there's a little baby getting bigger and stronger and getting ready to join this world and share a life with us.  Thank you.

Subtle!  And this was prior to his lengthy speech about all the reasons he was almost a father before and never thought this wonderful moment would come.  I have to give them credit, though, if her "I can't do this anymore" sniffle at the end actually does lead to the truth -- it's very rare in a soap for someone to just confess because they love someone and the lie is too cruel.  Generally it's a back-against-the-wall situation, so I'm genuinely interested in seeing how this plays out.

Jessica and Natalie's little cousin Jack, however, needs a slap in the face.  While Dani is being told that yet another one of her family members is a violent criminal in the form of Eli (still no explanation as to how he and Ross are brothers and where the names came from) and she expresses that she finds his actions "gross," Jack pipes in.

    Jack: What's gross is Mom wanting to marry him.

Shut it, kid.  Frankly, Blair was the only one in town who actually spent any time with Eli, but everyone else just "magically" knew he was no good -- Jack is so wise and sage that he predicted that Eli was a serial killer.  See?  Blair is a disgusting idiot!  Jack totally called that one!  Stupid Blair, believing that things that are physically impossible (Eli being in two places at once, Melinda seeing a photo of Blair and Eli together before they were actually dating, etc) just don't add up to "this guy's obviously a murderer!" 

The show has indeed been working hard to convince us that Blair is a total idiot lately, of course, but it's hard to jump on board with that so completely when the story she didn't buy about Eli is utterly implausible in every way.  They've tried to explain it to us repeatedly and promised us up and down that it's the truth, so... okay.  Eli did all that.  For those reasons.  But it still doesn't make a damn bit of sense.  

Regardless of unfortunate circumstances, besides the fact that Elijah obviously is not actually dead, this is what we got, and here we are.  And Blair put it best herself.

Blair: Well, in the last twenty-four hours, I have found out that the man I thought I loved is a cold-blooded killer; I've been a bride, a widow, and a murderer.  It's good to be home.

Is that enough for now, Ron?  Can she get a little screen time without playing the fool for a few seconds now?  No, I know.  Probably not.  Not when we have Fords to get back to!

Destiny out.


Through the whole episode, all I thought about was how much I love Kassie DePaiva and how she makes Blair work, given the shite stories she's had over the past few years.

Well, that and how ridiculously over the top Brody was.

And how weird it was for Destiny to be the one to tell Cris that Tea died.

And I completely tuned out Roxy's and Natalie's scene and imagined Roxy visiting Schuyler instead.

I totally imagined Roxy visiting Sky, too. And then going and chatting about it to Kyle and Fish.

Blair has been put through the wringer, again, and KDP has been knocking it out (ineptitude when it comes to fighting fires aside... and at least that shit was hilarious to watch.) I rather loved her 'Tell everyone I'm home and I'm fine.' to Kelly. That's Blair for you.

As odious as Jack was about the whole thing when he ran to hug Blair telling her he was just glad she was okay... THAT was genuine and I rather wish we got more of that relationship between mother and son.

Meanwhile, the two twins are fretting over their questionable baby daddies... I hope Jess does confess for the very reason that keeping it quiet is too cruel. And then I hope Brody kills Ford "accidentally" and then blames it on Eli.

Why not? Eli should have done it about ten times already and all of his murders have been completely implausible anyway. Let's use it for Good and Light for a change, hmm?

What's really laughable about the Eli story is that he KILLED people (Melinda, Rodney, the idiot bagel clerk) for merely kinda knowing him but he left Ford and Rex ALIVE for no real reason even though they were MUCH closer to exposing him to a lot more people with much broader consequences.


I flove Kassie DePaiva. She was awesome yesterday. I don't for one second buy Blair being an idiot about Eli b/c no one suspected him until Kelly heard the phrase "tall, dark, and handsome." Then she was all like, "It's Eli!!!" Dun-dun-dunnnnn!!!!!!

WTFever. Everyone thought Eli was a good guy and not just Blair.

I hope Jess tells Brody the truth. It would be funny to see how angry Brody gets knowing he may have possibly impregnated twins.

How soon will Eli kill Kelly? Inez? -- I am patiently waiting......

As for the other Eli stuff? I prefer to blame it on ABC who just had to re-hire GT back as Kelly with her lame British boyfriend who was probably the original Melinda, Rodney killer....

Word, Louise, on Blair being the only one who even KNEW Eli!! This whole "I'm such an idiot" writing makes me scream at my TV. AS IF she could possibly ever have guessed!!! Makes me so effing mad!!

I am so over ABC Daytime right now. AMC and OLTL both had villains "die" in the last two weeks! Is this the only story the writers' pea-brains know how to butcher??

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