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« Confessions of a Dangerous Mind | Main | Three Cheers for Gift Horses! »

September 14, 2010

Marking Her Territory, Hilariously

SO, I lied: Lisa's Fatal Attraction 2: Electric Guza-loo story is NOT the only entertaining thing on General Hospital at the moment.

The fact that I am floating the possibility of TWO entertaining things occurring in Port Charles simultaneously is probably raising your eyebrows and making you concerned about my mental state, and I'm totally with you, because I even I feel like "What is this? Am I taking crazy pills?!", but it's TRUE. There are TWO entertaining things happening on this show! And sure, for most shows, that's just considered unremarkable and the way it's supposed to be, but on General Hospital, it's a shocking triumph!

What Brenda's return to GH has lacked in...well, pretty much everything, it more than makes up for in terms of hilarity and, specifically, the hilarity of watching Carly's head continue to EXPLODEin SLOW MOTION as she comes to terms with the fact that she's not going to have Jax and Sonny wrapped around her little finger anymore.

Carlypissed

 
She pitched a bitch when she heard that Brenda is going to be on the cover of Crimson.

Jax: Carly, listen to me. I love you. I'm committed to you. Do I have feelings for Brenda? Yes, absolutely. The same feelings you have for Sonny. But I'm not running after her.
Carly: But you put her on the cover! It's the SAME THING!

She sounds like a middle school girl who was totally upset that her boyfriend didn't have her as one of his Top Friends on MySpace.

Carly: It's the same old contest. Brenda shows up and you and Sonny are going to fight over her like she's some school girl, like she's the prom queen. And Brenda loves it.

"I, on the other hand, HATE being the center of attention. Yet another reason why Carly rules and Brenda drools!"

Jax: I can't believe we're arguing about this. This is ridiculous.

The fact that all of their arguments are so ridiculous and yet he remains committed to her does not say much for Jasper's intelligence, does it?

Carly: Well, you don't have to wait for the magazine to hit the stands because you can go to Rome right now and see her.

She didn't say it, but there was definitely a "But if you do, I'll cut your balls off" implied at the end of that sentence.

Jax: For the record, my ideal woman is you.
Carly: STOP. Because...[Sonny-like pause] actions are way louder than words and right now, your actions are telling me that you're all about Brenda.

She's all rant-y and turning to hard liquor, and she doesn't even know yet that JASON is going to Rome for Brenda (because for some reason, Adrienne Barbeau turned to a hitman to protect her client. No, I don't know what Adrienne Barbeau was thinking). I'm thinking we're in for a suicide attempt at the very least because as she told Coleman? She's not sharing.

Carly: Brenda keeps showing up like a bad penny. Robin sees her in Africa, comes back, tells Sonny, next thing I know, he flees the country and heads to Rome to see her. Days later, Jax is putting her on magazine covers.
Coleman: Well, I mean, I've never had the pleasure, but I have seen Miss Barrett in magazine ads and she's a good looking woman, Carly.
Carly: Thanks.
Coleman: wasn't she married to Jason a few years back?
Carly: Yes. YES.
Coleman: Another shot?
Carly: YES! You know what? When I first came to town, Brenda was the tortured princess and I was dirt. And now...well, I've married Sonny AND Jax and had children with both when Brenda couldn't even get either of them past the altar. And poor Jason. Well, Jason was forced to marry Brenda because of her selfish purposes. But guess who Sonny, Jax and Jason belong to in different ways? Me. And I will not be sharing.

I swear, she said all of these things. I did not paraphrase one bit this time. The subtext has become text and the text says, "Bitch crazy".

This is amazing and Laura Wright has been playing it hilariously. I actually can't wait--wow, that was so weird for me to type--to see what happens when Brenda finally winds up back in Port Charles. Will Carly try her best to start a catfight or will her mind have completely disintegrated by that point, leaving her capable of only unintelligible shrieking?

Comments

It is a joy indeed! And definitely, it feels funny to be excited by two things on this show.

As soon as I read about this latest craziness from Carly on soapzone.com (my thanks and admiration to you for watching GH but I simply cannot do it myself, not even for SCRUBS) I thought "I hope the serial drama gals blog about this."

On soapzone they were actually taking bets on when Carly was going to pee on all three men to mark her territory (I would seriously pay money to see that). Bitch crazy indeed!

Cujo is like a rabid dog.

I could care less about Brenda, but just reading your post had me laughing at Cujo and her need to pee on Sonny, Jax and Jason.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I find nothing entertaining about Laura Wright as Carly. Nothing.

She's like a bull in a china shop ALL THE TIME. Sneering, spitting, hissing like a rabid dog. Cujo is absolutely the perfect name for whatever character she's playing.

Because that's not Carly.It's Cassie Layne as Malibu Barbie/Real Housewife of Orange County Soccer Mom.

Carly is the pinnacle of womanhood? That wildly insecure, cruel, vengeful, selfish, negligent, irresponsible, neglectful, arrogant, unfaithful, possessive, immature, manipulative, screeching nasty creature with fantastic hair is the best of my sex? Seriously?

I need a drink, or ten just to forget today's episode ever existed ;-)

Carly is worried because she knows what SHE does in times of stress or discontent - she sleeps with Sonny! And of course, she expects Jax to understand THAT fact but freaks at the idea that Jax might harbor any feelings for a woman he almost married but ultimately left at the altar.

Forget the fact he stays committed to her despite having the same argument every single time, the fact Jasper actually said CARLY is his ideal woman doesn't speak well for his intelligence.

How sad it it that it's BRENDA'S return and yet the only good parts are CARLY loosing her mind?

"Coleman: Well, I mean, I've never had the pleasure, but I have seen Miss Barrett in magazine ads and she's a good looking woman, Carly."

It's funny...I don't sit around obsessing the details of Coleman's life, but my immediate reaction upon reading this line was mild confusion. I know it's probably not worth it for him to mention it in "polite" conversation, but he was an integral part of Brenda's frame-up for Alcazar's murder. He was Skye's dirty bandaid during her drunken downward spiral after Jax dumped her after their wedding for Brenda. So, unless he's trying to get some Carly-action, you would think he would know better than to pour salt into the wounds of Brenda-haters.

omg, i cannot believe Carly actually said:

"But guess who Sonny, Jax and Jason belong to in different ways? Me. And I will not be sharing."

thank you for pointing out that it's not paraphrased, cause i was seriously doubting.

OMG, your blog is the only thing that keeps me sane!

I am enjoying Carly losing her mind over Brenda--it has been great over the top totally soapy. Loved her line- And I will not be sharing!" Best line of the day!

I can't wait to see who becomes Guza alpha dog-- Carly or Brenda. He seems to have a thing for both characters so who gets to be on top-- I am betting on Brenda for a bit so it will be great fun to see Carly continue to lose her marbles.....

Love your blog spot on terrific as usual

I WANTED to be as entertained as you were, Mal, but I just couldn't do it. Carly has gun from "fun crazy" to "annoying crazy" fairly quickly. She has a son who clearly has PTSD issues from prison, but she's more worried about playing post-it-note desk sex with her estranged husband ("let's not analyze it!"), while wearing the WORST dominatrix-back dress I've ever seen, and then screaming at him for having the audacity to remember any other female in his life existed but her.

Worse yet, while she's busy being furious at Jax for "remembering Brenda," she's also furious that Sonny's attention might also be deterred from her "fabulousness," all the while expecting Jax to understand her feelings for Sonny and Jason are "different" than his for Brenda.

Really? Can't really be entertained by that level of batshit nuts, but I do love Laura Wright.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I find nothing entertaining about Laura Wright as Carly. Nothing.

She's like a bull in a china shop ALL THE TIME. Sneering, spitting, hissing like a rabid dog. Cujo is absolutely the perfect name for whatever character she's playing.

Because that's not Carly.It's Cassie Layne as Malibu Barbie/Real Housewife of Orange County Soccer Mom."

Really? You find her portrayal not to be Carly enough? Because being a spoiled, hypocritical, overly entitled, selfish, bullying skank is pretty much standard operating procedure for Carly.
She's been a horrible hag from the minute she showed up in PC and no matter who plays her she comes off as totally loathsome.

I hope there's a big showdown between Carly and Brenda. Carly is sneering and Brenda is giving her the psycho laugh.

Lisa's Fatal Attraction 2: Electric Gooza-loo? That one had me laughing!

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