Marking Her Territory, Hilariously
SO, I lied: Lisa's Fatal Attraction 2: Electric Guza-loo story is NOT the only entertaining thing on General Hospital at the moment.
The fact that I am floating the possibility of TWO entertaining things occurring in Port Charles simultaneously is probably raising your eyebrows and making you concerned about my mental state, and I'm totally with you, because I even I feel like "What is this? Am I taking crazy pills?!", but it's TRUE. There are TWO entertaining things happening on this show! And sure, for most shows, that's just considered unremarkable and the way it's supposed to be, but on General Hospital, it's a shocking triumph!
What Brenda's return to GH has lacked in...well, pretty much everything, it more than makes up for in terms of hilarity and, specifically, the hilarity of watching Carly's head continue to EXPLODEin SLOW MOTION as she comes to terms with the fact that she's not going to have Jax and Sonny wrapped around her little finger anymore.
She pitched a bitch when she heard that Brenda is going to be on the cover of Crimson.
Jax: Carly, listen to me. I love you. I'm committed to you. Do I have feelings for Brenda? Yes, absolutely. The same feelings you have for Sonny. But I'm not running after her.
Carly: But you put her on the cover! It's the SAME THING!
She sounds like a middle school girl who was totally upset that her boyfriend didn't have her as one of his Top Friends on MySpace.
Carly: It's the same old contest. Brenda shows up and you and Sonny are going to fight over her like she's some school girl, like she's the prom queen. And Brenda loves it.
"I, on the other hand, HATE being the center of attention. Yet another reason why Carly rules and Brenda drools!"
Jax: I can't believe we're arguing about this. This is ridiculous.
The fact that all of their arguments are so ridiculous and yet he remains committed to her does not say much for Jasper's intelligence, does it?
Carly: Well, you don't have to wait for the magazine to hit the stands because you can go to Rome right now and see her.
She didn't say it, but there was definitely a "But if you do, I'll cut your balls off" implied at the end of that sentence.
Jax: For the record, my ideal woman is you.
Carly: STOP. Because...[Sonny-like pause] actions are way louder than words and right now, your actions are telling me that you're all about Brenda.
She's all rant-y and turning to hard liquor, and she doesn't even know yet that JASON is going to Rome for Brenda (because for some reason, Adrienne Barbeau turned to a hitman to protect her client. No, I don't know what Adrienne Barbeau was thinking). I'm thinking we're in for a suicide attempt at the very least because as she told Coleman? She's not sharing.
Carly: Brenda keeps showing up like a bad penny. Robin sees her in Africa, comes back, tells Sonny, next thing I know, he flees the country and heads to Rome to see her. Days later, Jax is putting her on magazine covers.
Coleman: Well, I mean, I've never had the pleasure, but I have seen Miss Barrett in magazine ads and she's a good looking woman, Carly.
Coleman: wasn't she married to Jason a few years back?
Carly: Yes. YES.
Coleman: Another shot?
Carly: YES! You know what? When I first came to town, Brenda was the tortured princess and I was dirt. And now...well, I've married Sonny AND Jax and had children with both when Brenda couldn't even get either of them past the altar. And poor Jason. Well, Jason was forced to marry Brenda because of her selfish purposes. But guess who Sonny, Jax and Jason belong to in different ways? Me. And I will not be sharing.
I swear, she said all of these things. I did not paraphrase one bit this time. The subtext has become text and the text says, "Bitch crazy".
This is amazing and Laura Wright has been playing it hilariously. I actually can't wait--wow, that was so weird for me to type--to see what happens when Brenda finally winds up back in Port Charles. Will Carly try her best to start a catfight or will her mind have completely disintegrated by that point, leaving her capable of only unintelligible shrieking?