Because really. That was the main reaction today's One Life to Live elicited from me.
Dani had time to wash and blow dry her hair awful-fancy right after her mom died. Curls, even!
Blair was perfectly set up to kick some ass and save her damn self, but since this is ABC Daytime, John McBain swooped in at the last second and saved the day.
Also, Ford did this:
And Langston referred to it as "being all nice."
Pinning your NEW STUDENT against the wall and spouting absolutely horrific dialogue like, "You deserve someone better like Markko or James, someone who'll put you up on a pedestal -- I know I don't do that. But I'd like to learn." He'd like to learn? I'd like to barf everywhere. Also? If he'd like to learn how to treat a woman properly, he's not going to learn from Langston, of all people. She's not some sparkling example of strength and humanity that's going to help him find the good guy inside of him. She's bland and weak and hokey and gullible and a cheater and once upon a time he played her and they had hot sex as a result and now they suck the life out of any scene they're in together. Oh, and while he's at trying to learn how to treat women a little better, why doesn't he try -- call me crazy -- not to seduce his mothertrucking student?!
Oh and there was a dumb mirrored scene in which another guy tried to get a girl to pay attention to him and she was oh-so-flustered and protested too much and blah blah blah. So they're planning to get Starr and James together in precisely the same manner they're planning to get Langston and Ford back together? In alternating scenes, no less? In which the female of the pair insists she wants nothing to do with the male of the pair until he just wears her down, because he knows better? Charming, genre-with-a-heavily-female demographic. Charming. Something came out of my dog's ass that I had to carefully pick up with a bag in Central Park this morning that I'd rather watch for an hour every day than that.
Oh and then?
No, really. That was a whole solo scene, shot just like that. The goal of the scene was "James relaxes to read a book."
I mean honestly, I like boys who are pretty to look at as much as the next person, but this has just gotten insulting. Thankfully the third brother Ford-Salinger kept his clothes on today, but we were indeed subjected to the full triumvirate of torture, all in one episode. I don't care about them, I don't find them interesting, I think they're nowhere near as attractive as the direction is trying to tell us, and really? Fuck the Fords.