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« Presented Without Comment (Unless "GAG" Counts As A Comment) | Main | The Pains and the Great One »

October 04, 2010

All My Loathing

I saw The Social Network on Friday and loved it more than I can even say. I'm now officially obsessed with Andrew Garfield when, before, I was just obsessed with Andrew Garfield's hair (it is HUGE), and I've spent the past few days reading every article published about the movie, including this one in The Washington Post (I first typed "pot", as in smoking, and if you continue to read this sentence, that typo becomes all too apt) about the way that they filmed the Winklevoss twins. When talking about Josh Pence, who is basically a stand-in for Armie Hammer, the writer proclaims:

"It was shocking at first," says Pence, 28, whose real face resembles the shining morning sun.

Whose real face resembles the shining morning sun. That is poetry; cheesy, over-the-top poetry. GENIUS, even. "Whose real face resembles the shining morning sun"! Needless to say, I became fixated on these eight words. I pledged, with the passion of Scarlett O'Hara vowing not to go hungry again, to incorporate that phrase into every conversation I have from this point forward, and I was excited to introduce it to the blog! I eagerly sat down to watch All My Children and then realized...

Nothing about this show even remotely resembles the shining morning sun. It resembles...gloom. And doom. And HORROR.

The major stories getting play today?

  • Damon's job search: now, I am predisposed to react to any Damon story with irritation at best because Damon is the unholy trifecta of useless, obnoxious and smug. But having to put up with an episode (really, I should be thankful that it was just one, shouldn't I?) about Damon whining about his lack of employment immediately following his GED? No, thank you. And then Liza offers him a job, in exchange for getting updates for how Colby is doing, and his first, snotty question is, "So it would be grunt work?" Granted, I am a hugely bitter recent grad school graduate, so I may be taking this too seriously, but...HATE.
  • Greenlee and Kendall dishing on Rylee and Fusion. Kendall's community service was moderately amusing, but any conversation that includes Greenlee alluding to the "connection" she and Ryan shared during his visit and the exchange:

Greenlee: I'm not saying she isn't someone special, but Ryan and I are...
Kendall: Soulmates?

is a conversation that should be burned with fire. To be fair to Kendall, she did explain to Greenlee that the Ryan/Greenlee saga is currently a mess; she loses points, however, for making it seem like Greenlee is the only one at fault there--as if the dead-eyed douche canoe played no part there!-- and for not denouncing this entire wretched coupling with a few expletives and some well-timed projectile vomiting, for an added flourish.

  • Ryan's seduction skills: "Obviously, words aren't convincing you, so I'm just going to have to show you". Grossness.

All I wanted was the chance to use a fun new phrase, and I got an hour of television that was both boring and awful! Sometimes I hate all things.

Comments

Well I resolve to use "the dead-eyed douche canoe" every day and in every possible situation.

dead-eyed douche canoe Now that is Awesome description of the waste that ate AMC. anytime Michael Knight is running Daddy DayCare and this, this is the man storylines are built around U deserve all Suckage that you are.

You must drink A LOT to watch this show for the full hour.

That was the worst episode of AMC that I have ever seen. I fell asleep during half of it. I have supported this show through thick and thin, but I can't stand it anymore. They only have 2 stories going, Ryan and Greenlee and JR trying to take over Chandler. Where are the other character's stories?

You aren't taking this Damon thing too seriously. I was a massively bitter college grad, so yeah, Damon made me see a darker shade of red than I normally see with him.

"The dead-eyed douche canoe" is one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard!! There can never be too many ways to describe the utter horror that is all things Ryass. Greenlee is slightly less repugnant, but only because that sort of awfulness can only come along once in a generation.

What the @#$% did they do to this show!?!? It's been sliding downhill for quite a while, but it continues to get worse - something I thought was impossible after the Stuart debacle.

They should really stop calling it All My Children and call it what it really is - Brian Frons' Wet Dreams.

Agreed with everyone re: dead-eyed douche canoe.

But I also must agree with the over-the-top description of Josh Pence - who, since I didn't know what his shiny face was, I did a Google search for. And though I'm not sure I'd compare his face to "the shining morning sun", I would probably be stupefied by his hotness into saying something dumb.

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