What Happens When You Can't Even Trust Your DVR?
My DVR has become an unreliable peddler of gossip in recent weeks, always teasing me with plot points that sound mildly interesting, only to have the mildly interesting bits conspicuously absent from the actual episode (left on the cutting room floor, no doubt, in order to make room for even MORE Dante/Brenda flashbacks) and exaggerating.
Today, it said that "Carly and Brenda have a major confrontation". Their confrontation wasn't major. It could have been! I mean, come on, my all-time favorite soap character facing off against my...well, my current favorite General Hospital character (Will typing that sentence ever get easier?) (And in my defense, it's totally by default!), who has been a whirling dervish of insecurity, possessiveness and hatefulness ever since she first heard that Sonny went to see Brenda in Rome.
Carly: The only problem is, if Sonny's occupied, Brenda's going to hone onto Jax like a heat seeking missile.
Brenda: Hi! Sorry to interrupt. Listen, just so you know, I have no intention of trying to make you feel insecure about your marriage. You know, Carly, have you ever thought that you may feel insecure about your husband because you haven't been the most loyal wife?
Carly: You want to talk to me about loyalty? When you've done nothing but play Jax and Sonny off each other for years? They may not see you for who you really are, but I sure as hell do. You're a desperate, insecure slut who will sleep with anyone to get attention. Hell, who needs love when your face is all over every billboard in the city?
Brenda: So why are you so jealous?
Carly: I'm not jealous, okay? Because you're life has no substance. It revolves around who you're wearing and who you're with. You're nothing but a pretty face.
Brenda: Aw, that depends on the day. Hey, it's interesting to me to see that you're still loud and obnoxious, you know? Actually, you did manage to get your hooks into Jason during a time when he was too vulnerable to know any better, so I guess that is your one claim to fame, isn't it, Carly?
Carly: Jason can count on me, just like I can count on him. But who counts on Brenda? No one. You're useless. You're for decoration only. You're about as shallow as a mud puddle and that is why you're so easy to leave.
Underwhelming, right? Yes, Carly got some "That was way harsh, Tai" lines, but Brenda's feathers were not even ruffled by her squawking! I assumed that someone would cry and that Carly would become progressively more unhinged as she ranted before losing her train of thought and just letting forth a primal scream.
Also, I know that Carly is not the most self-aware person in town and that she has at least three undiagnosed personality disorders, but...really. Going on this self-righteous tear when MINUTES EARLIER she was kissing Jason and trying to get him to have sex with her to make Jax jealous is a bit absurd, even for her.
But then again, this show is all about absurdity, from Lucky and Nikolas's pleasant conversation (I buy Nikolas jumping at the chance to help Lucky out, since it is the least--seriously, THE LEAST--he could do, and I can maybe even chalk Lucky's politeness up to good manners, since he was looking for a favor, but...there was a whole lot of warmth there that shouldn't have been, considering the events of this year. Raise your hand if you'd want a full episode devoted to seeing a tentative reconciliation!) to Luke faking a heart attack AGAIN, to what I thought was the most patently ridiculous part of the episode: Dante was so caught up in his brooding that he didn't hear Olivia calling his name. Talk about unrealistic! Coma patients can hear her!