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« Don't Tell Todd the Babysitter's Dead | Main | Mounting A Complaint Against the Mountain Man »

October 11, 2010

Generally Hyperbolic

Just to make sure we're all on the same page (even though it's impossible that you could wind up on a different page, because even if you are watching the show on mute, facial expressions easily tell this story as well as dialogue can. The only way you could be on a different page is if you kicked this sorry excuse for a soap to the curb and if that is the case, you are not only on a different page, you are on a SMART page. And the more I type the word page, the more bizarre it seems), Brenda...

Is back in town.



And she is meant to be with Sonny.

And is better than you, pretty much, on account of the aforementioned awesomeness and gloriousness, and so on.

Look, I LOVE Brenda Barrett. She's probably my favorite soap character of all time. The only thing keeping me from being a card-carrying member of a Brenda Barrett fan club is the unfortunate lack of a membership card. So if even I, through rose-colored glasses with "I ♥ Brenda" emblazoned on the side in crystals, am filled with dread wondering just how far over-the-top with this stuff the writers can go...well, it says a whole lot about the GH writers and their ability to ruin EVERYTHING.

The woman of the hour/day/week/month/year/decade spent the day with Sonny and Dante, trying not to make her past with Dante (for now, the past is just that he once had a job protecting her.

Could their story go romantic? Who knows? What I do know for sure is that a story with Brenda, Dante AND Sonny is going to eat so much screentime that it will wind up taking up over All My Children and One Life to Live, too) obvious, and making excuses for Sonny's general wretchedness.

Dante: What's a little gunshot between father and son?
Sonny, with an impatient sigh: We're on opposite sides of the law. There's a connection, always was, with us. He doesn't like to admit it, I don't know, it's hard for him.
Dante: I was assigned to working undercover for Sonny, and when I tried to arrest him, he shot me. Right here.
Sonny: I'll tell you again, I regret that.
Dante: Not half as much as I did.
Brenda: Sonny would never do anything to hurt you.
Dante: Imagine what he could do if he actually tried?
Sonny: Okay, you know what? Things are much better now because he helped get me exonerated from the attempted murder charge.
Brenda: Well, that's great. Look, I've known your father for a very long time and he's not perfect, but he is a good man.


Meanwhile, everyone on this episode besides Luke and Siobhan's stupid hat talked about Brenda. And talked. And talked some more. EVERYONE! Even Lucky-as-Ronan got orders to kidnap Brenda.

Sam is insecure.

I'm used to Jason protecting people, you know? Me, Carly, Michael. It happens all the time. Brenda's just the same, except...she's a supermodel and his ex-wife. Lulu, that's the part I'm really struggling with.

Spinelli is a ridiculous, annoying caricature of a human being.

Spinelli: I have seen light, love and happiness.
Lulu: You're falling in love with Brenda?
Spinelli: One of the tenets of courtly love is utter devotion to an unattainable lady, and The Divine One sits high atop a throne of glorious unattainability. She has captured the Jackal's heart and made it whole again.

Carly is a hysterical, jealous she-beast.

Jason: Jax could have gone after Brenda any time, but he didn't. He married you. He's Josslyn's father. He's not going to give that up for Brenda.
Carly: He's not like you. She could work him. She's already trying, visiting the office, trying to reconnect as friends. I don't know how to fight her, you know? Because if I tear into her, she's going to play the victim, and if I throw down with Jax, he's going to say I'm pushing him away and he's going to turn to Brenda, so all I can do is show him what he stands to lose, and how many times can you have sex on a desk?

Maxie is...ditto.

It's about Brenda. She has to go. I don't care if you put her on a plan, a bus or dog sled. Whatever. Just get her out of Port Charles.

Lulu is blissfully ignorant of her boyfriend's past and her storyline's future.

Did you fall under Brenda's spell like every other man in the world?

And Robin left her damn fool mind at the bottom of that well, because she's all about reuniting Sonny and Brenda.

Jax: Why would you do that to Brenda?
Robin: I always thought they were good together.
Jax: Good? Really? Wow. She was shot at, and she was abducted and she suffered a nervous breakdown while she was with Sonny.
Robin: Jax, that was a long time ago.
Jax: Yes, and some things should be left in the past. She's made a good life for herself. She just got done telling me how much she loves living in Rome and doing her charity work. Why would you encourage a reunion with Sonny?
Robin: With all due respect, you're a little biased on the subject.
Jax: Yes, with good reason. I had a front row seat to their disastrous relationship for many years. If anyone knows, I know. She deserves better.
Robin: Isn't that Brenda's call to make?
Jax: If it is, her friends should be protecting her.
Robin: I'm--look, I know how much you care about Brenda, but I'm asking you as her friend: let her and Sonny figure it out for themselves.

I cannot even with this show.


The OTT of Brenda is ridiculous. All the women are jealous, insecure shrews and all the men idiots. This is my first time watching Brenda on the show and all this propping is not endearing me to her. I liked her scenes with Robin and Jax and I like her bickering with Jason. But everything else makes me want to slam my head on my keyboard. I could not believe the craziness coming out her mouth yesterday. Sonny shot his son in the chest and almost blew up his daughter but he's a good man? Are you freaking kidding me? Would RealBrenda (not Guza's wacked out version) really be okay with any of this?

And what was in those drugs that CrazyLisa gave Robin? Because there is a lot of craziness coming out her mouth as well. Or maybe Robin breathed in too many well fumes.

Aside from all the crap with Brenda and Sonny in the past, Robin knows that Sonny SHOT HIS SON IN THE CHEST. Why is she trying to get her friend back with someone who would shoot an unarmed cop, even if it wasn't his son???

Robin is pretty effing stupid for a doctor, even one written by Team Guza.

All right, I guess I'll be the "old lady" here and state for the "old lady" record that I HEART HEART Adrienne Barbeau and am thrilled she has stayed on the canvas. It's one of the few things I perk up for these days. For that reason alone, I'm thankful for Brenda being back.

I mean come on, she's gotten to bitch slap Max and Milo, Diane, Sam and definitely didn't have a problem telling Maxie to pound sand. Plus the comment to Max about how if he didn't find Jason he'd be "wearing his balls for earrings." HA! I know I'm showing my "old ladiness" again, here, but she said that same line in the movie Creepshow. I'm pretty sure that was on purpose, but I don't know how many people caught it. If you have NOT seen her as "Billie" in that movie, OMG, you HAVE TO.

Oh how my maturing heart longs for Sonny, Claire, Dante, Jason and Carly to take a long walk off a short pier and have scenes, instead, of Diane, Alexis and Suzanne becoming the best-ever girlfriends and getting into all sorts of on-the-road hijinx like Alexis and Diane did for about five minutes, 100 years ago.....

I'm more likely to win the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. I need a Metamucil and Vodka smoothie.........

*SIDE NOTE* - I AM enjoying Brenda's return to some extent. If nothing else it makes me wax sentimental for the days when this show was not only tolerable but one you couldn't wait to see from day to day.

I've been away from actually watching this show for months, but your hilarious blogging (which I follow religiously because it never lets me down, unlike the corresponding shows) actually inspired me to watch one episode so I could get a fuller grasp of the apparent idiocy that fuels such hilarious blog posts. But all I've come away with is this: WHAT is wrong with Patrick's hair?? I'm sorry if someone else has commented on this before. I can't imagine that no one else has noticed it. But his sideburns are a completely different length than the rest of his head! I can accept poor writing. I can accept strange acting techniques (or Maurice Benard, who is in his own little category). But Jason Thompson's hair is an atrocity. Can someone PLEASE do something about this??

They shaved the sideburns in an odd way and dyed the grey hair dark.

Well I am on the SMART page , I turned off GH 2 yrs ago and only catch up via recaps. That is more than enough. Just when I think there is hope, GH sinks lower. Having Sam hire an "escort" for an traumatized teen who may have been sexually abused was the final straw. Like using the word "escort" changes anything. GH will now become the Brenda Hour with everyone else thrown in for good measure. How long til fans are tired of that and turn off their tv's? Guza doesn't learn, he doesn't listen to fans, and he just doesn't care.

Feeling a surge of 90s GH nostalgia, I tuned in recently to see Robin and Brenda - two of my favorites from the Golden Era. Mistake. This is the face I made when Robin was going on about how perfect it would be for Sonny and Brenda to get back together: http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/16000000/2x03-Grilled-Cheesus-glee-16071319-1280-720.jpg

Between Brenda and Lucky's new found whitewash to become the worlds most redeemed douche bag, this show has reached a new low.

Brenda, Brenda, Brenda. I loved the chick, now I loathe her. I loved Lucky, now I want him to DIAF again, this time taking the Irish Spring River Dancer with him, and stay dead.

GH is toast.

As someone who once loved both Brenda and "Sonny & Brenda" but also grieved when Guza butchered my other beloved GH vets (Robert, Holly, Anna, Felicia, Scotty, Laura, Rick W, etc), I have to admit I'm kind of a little happy that Brenda got the same treatment. I thought for sure that Brenda would come out better because Guza LOVES Brenda/Vanessa. I thought the Guza treatment was only reserved for 80s vets. I see Guza ruins EVERY character now - even the ones he likes. Maybe this will wake up the bigwigs at ABC so they willFIRE GUZA. If the backlash for the awful Brenda writing (with ABC spending lots of $$ on her return) doesn't get Guza fired, then nothing will. Then it's time to turn off GH forever. GH has no hope left with Guza at the helm.

LMAO! Awesome!

LMAO! Awesome!

I concur. Very awesome. And that look has been the look I normally have every day I happen to watch this friggin' train wreck of a show. Robin and the well, Robin pimping Sonny, Sonny thinking people not related to him deserve to be shot in the chest, Brenda telling people Sonny is not a bad man AFTER she finds out he shot a cop in the chest let alone his son, Lucky going to Oz apparently and suddenly being the scarecrow that finally got his brain, Molly pimping every couple that should not be together like she is supposed to be a wise sage, Sam getting Michael a hooker...just one big http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/16000000/2x03-Grilled-Cheesus-glee-16071319-1280-720.jpg all the way through!

I don't think they are ruining Brenda. I am giving massive kudos to Vanessa Marcil Giova...(not going to pretend to know how her married name is spelled). She has been forced down our throats literally, but the scenes where she's actually in, I actually still like. The parts that I don't like is every character talking about her (even those who haven't met her) and everyone putting her on a pedestal. I mean that was an aspect of how she was before the last time she was back. But the reason she was so effective when she won the emmy because they gave her a great storyline which the actress connected with and sold like no one's business. This story tho has some merits, has focused too much on this ethereal down to earth exaggerated madness she seems to inspire in others (i take issue with the story more than this aspect). We get it, let's move on shall we.

Thanks for your blog......it was great as always.

GH is a depressing mess. Why didn't Robin rush home to her daughter--the one she was staying alive for... the one she was telling Stone about.

Sonny is a prince among man--shooting an unarmed man, placing a carbomb that almost kills his daughter and friend...yea he is a "good man"... a prince really...what a joke

Guza ruins every character because Guza is a HACK. Maybe someone at ABC will finally realize the guy is possibly the worst writer ever to work on TV.

Rene: Metamucil-and-vodka smoothie! I'm cackling like Brenda over that one!

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